BF in adult internet chat rooms

[heyguys]

Hi all,

 

Well im writing because the other day i found something on my bf computer i did not like. we were both at his house on the couch on his laptop working on this assignment. i needed to go on the internet and when i was typing in the browser i saw many previous pages visited on "yahoo". These pages were profile pages of different members on yahoo, specifically they were girl members. i asked him what it was about and after much pushing i was able to dig out it was him that went into a yahoo "adult chatroom". he said he didnt talk to anyone and he just wanted to see what it was about, and he never usually did that. people or "robots" he said would message him links to their "dirty" websites and profiles and he seems like went to at least 15 of the links. i was sooooo hurt and upset he even went into the chatroom. he said he didnt talk to anyone they werent real ppl, and so on but he still said sorry. i am mostly upset b/c about 2 months ago i found he looked at porn and he promised never to do it again. i think sex chatrooms with links to porn is pretty darn near the same thing. what should i do. i was so upset i just left his house immediately and told him to leave me alone. he keeps calling and i dont know if i should break up or not. i love him very much but i feel disrespected. he said he didnt mean to disrespect me, he was bored???

[mystik]

He promised never to look at porn again? And you believed him? I don't know any guys who would stop looking at porn because his g/f or wife wanted him to. They'll just do it in private. Your boyfriend seems to enjoy these sites and I think it would be very difficult for him to just stop. Females vary on their opinions on whether their significant others should be 'allowed' to watch porn: some find it highly disprespectful, others do not care at all. I personaly do not care...but one opinion isn't better than another, people see things differently.

 

If you do stay with your boyfriend, you will probably have to get used to the idea of him watching pornography. He obviously does it and is unlikely to stop. If you don't think you will ever be okay with it, it's going to become a big deal in your relationship. It seems like it matters to you quite a bit though so maybe you need to sit down with him and have a talk about it. In the end, it's going to be matter of whether you can live with it or not, because I don't think he'll quit. I don't think guys can just stop watching it if they already enjoy it - any male opinions?

 

Edit: something to add...I am cool with my boyfriend looking at porn but I would not like it if here actually chatting in real time with others in adult chat rooms. I guess that is where I personally draw the line. For me, looking at pictures/videos, is okay, but if my boyfriend were actually chatting sexually with others, he would not be my boyfriend anymore. Does he do that?

[heyguys]

so sex chatrooms is like porn?

[AwdreeHpburn]

Heyguys, Why is porn something you don't want your bf looking at?

 

I'm just curious. If you're uncomfortable with it, obviously that's OK. I'm just wondering why its not OK for him. He's obviously not uncomfortable with it.

 

Mystik - I wasn't the one asking but I appreicate your honsety and I agree. Some guys are into porn and some aren't. If he is, he is unlikely not going to stop, he'll just hide it unless or until he meets someone who's ok with it and he doesn't have to hide it anymore.

[tyler711]

I used to watch porn all the time before I met my fiancee. I stopped cold turkey after I met her because I felt it was inappropriate. 90% of all guys watch it or look at it atleast once. He probably means nothing hurtful by it. Believe me when I say that it's just a natural inclination. I would consider the lying a bigger problem. If this bothers you to the point of leaving every time he does it, then maybe it's time for some space. If you can both be honest with each other and can work out a mutual compromise, then stick with it. Good luck!

[heyguys]

hi everyone!! thanks for the replies but really the main concern here is that it has gone from porn to actual CHAT ROOMS where there is porn also but now you talk to other people. not so much fantasy anymore...i think its not so much the porn anymore because i got over that, this is just different and im no sure what to do now, is sex chat rooms acceptable to people in a relationship?

[fishrrshortae]

Heyguys,

 

I agree that he probably took it to a level that's a no-no. Then again, I am also one to question why the automatic assumption is that guys just look at porn and that it's ok, but girls can't look at or even just talk to other guys without their boyfriends getting all pissed off.

So maybe it's just me...

 

Definitely though, his lying to you is unacceptable. Maybe he did it just because he knew you would be upset, as you were. But I think it's fair to say that even those women who accept porn would not be so quick to accept a boyfriend going into chat rooms.

[tyler711]

Oh no, chatrooms are definitely a no no. Make sure he wasn't there just to look for links to websites. If he was talking to other people that makes a world of difference.

[votregitan]

I don't think sex chat rooms are acceptable at all. My then bf did the same thing. It was porn at first then he went and actually started chatting and looking at adult personals in our area. He still looks at porn, but I told him it better end there. It's up to you really where you stand on this issue. Good luck.

[SLMitchell918]

Well first, he lied to you. He told you that he was no longer going to look at porn ( which is very hard to believe anyways)

 

Then he took it to another level by chatting with people in a chat room.

 

How long have you been together?

 

You need to decide if you can accept him looking at porn because he probably always will but he'll just get more sneaky about it. I believe it is a man thing. Once you tell him you dislike it, it may make him want to do it more.

 

Adult Chat rooms are a no no. Big one. So if hes doing that, have a talk to him and tell him that if he doesn't stop it, your not sure if you can handle it because it hurts you. If he doesn't stop then he must not care because nobody wants to hurt the one they love.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

My BF offered VOLUNTARILY to stop his occasional looking at porn. I didnt take him up on it. Thats another issue though.

 

Oh hell, I use adult chatrooms a lot, but I wouldnt want to end it with my BF at all, if that helps you any.

[OceanEyes]

My opinion isn't going to change your mind about how you feel. All it's going to do is make you *think* that you should feel the same way. But you can't! This is a completely subjective and highly personal experience that you'll have to figure out on your own.

 

If I discovered that my boyfriend was in "naughty adult chatrooms", I'd probably be really hurt at first, then I'd think he was incredibly pathetic and not be attracted to him at all anymore. I just wouldn't be able to love him the same way after knowing that.

 

It would be a slow progression from hurtful acceptance to thinking it was just funny (and not in a good way).

 

Come on, seriously. Why even BOTHER being in a serious, comitted relationship if you're still doing crap like that? Think about it; you get emotional and mental support from your partner, they love you and show you affection, then as soon as they leave the house you're with your pants down in front of the computer? With a complete stranger? I would question whether or not my boyfriend loved me at all if he did something like that.