still confused......

[cubsfan]

I sat down the other day and wrote a list of my positives and negatives with my bf. Things have been way up and down for the last 2 months. The negatives outweigh the positives 17 to 4. The more I am around I don't like him very much, but I still love him, if that makes any sense at all. He is cold hearted at times, in general, puts people down alot, (he's an over the road truck driver so all I hear is about how stupid people are and how he is getting screwed over on his job). He rarely asks about me anymore. If I want to talk about something, he switches it right back to himself. I've called him on that but he's said that I'm just being selfish. He tells me I'm too sensitive and that I need to seee my therapist more. His mood swings can be bad at times. He did shove me last November and it hasn't happened since but it still sits in my mind. Sometimes I want out, sometimes I don't. What is wrong with me. I'm a nurse and we had an overdose come in to the ER, a suicide attempt, and he said she deserved to have died, if she is selfish enough to do that. She made it, thank God. I was absolutely floored. That really opened my eyes to his callousness. I know I can make it on my own. I'm financially stable, it's just that I'm emotionally attached to him (for some ungodly reason). He wasn't like this before. I have trust issues and he told me he is tired of "coddling" me. We've been together almiost 2 years, lived together for 9 months. Rarely helps around around the house. He started chewing again and now chews in front of me-he didn't do that before, I've asked him not to chew around me but still does anyway. I could go on and on. I have 3 dogs who are my life so I'll have to but a house when I leave. It's hard to find someone to rent to with 3 big dogs. I bought a harley motorcycle a year ago for us and it's in my name because his credit is shot-he's very bad with $$$. If we split he wants to get a paper notarized saying he's pay me the payment each month, but everyone tells me that he needs to buy it from me. He can't get a loan by himself and I don't know how to ride the motorcycle yet. He just put $1500 worth of improvements on it and I want him to have the bike should we split but I'm not sure if I trust him to pay me the $ each month. The list goes on and on. I have faults of my own_BELIEVE ME!!!! It's just i've lost hte will to want to keep going and I don't know how to get it back. Any sugestions would be greatly appreciated. Sorry my post is so long.

[SeaBisquit]

hi cubsfan

keep going back and read what you posted. your a nurse you know what guys like this are capable of. he pushed you once he will do it again. my guess is next time it will be harder. i say LEAVE this guy.

[Momene]

One of my friends in the US I work with is a Cubs fan. The fact that you've sat down and made this list is, in itself, a red flag. I wonder if he's been sufferring some sort of depression, possibly seasonally related. This doesn't remove him of his responsibilities but it may provide both an explanation and a solution.

 

I, too, know what it's like to be in a less than perfect relationship. Only you can weigh up the +ves and -ves and evaluate what damage it might to to anyone else, like kids.

 

It seems like he seems to want everything to be on his terms.

 

He must sort out his depression and anger for you two to have any hope at all.

 

Good luck.

[paralleltraverse]

Seems like he has no interest or respect for your feelings. You say he wasnt like this before? I'm thinkin his job is stressful, what job isnt but thats no excuse for him to be totally selfish.Sounds to me like he is misplacing his anger on you which is not good.I would say maybe you suggest relationship counselling but then again he might not go for that.Him shoving you is bull * * * * too, next thing you know he might be more forcefull or worse.If you've already decided to leave him which is good,you might wanna look into renting a house then your dogs can live with you. As for the bike, do you have the reciept for legal purposes? I say take the bike with you and sell it online or in the newspaper, forget him.If you leave, just tell him you are going to leave him.Getting into a big argument might either make him mad to the point where he might try and hurt you or he might try and beg you to stay and promise you he will change but then he'll go back to his old self 2 months down the line.When the negatives outweight the positives its either time for people to change for the better or get out of the relationship.Which is better? Staying in a relationship that is making you unhappy, or getting out of it and being happy? I'd take the latter.Good luck.