saying sorry...

[rozzy]

hey everybody i'm new to this site!

 

im in a really weird position, please help me out here!!

 

basically i was really good friends with someone but my bestfriend hated me being friends with them and we constantly fought about this situation for like a year until she asked me to choose between them and like the complete * * * * that i am...i, without thinking whatsoever but just through fear of losing my bestmate, chose my bestmate ----> biggest mistake! anyway i hurt my friend so much and i didnt realise the extent to what i did until after i done it...and i miss her so much, i know its my own fault and i kno things will never go back to normal ( we never ever talk or see each other now!) i think about her all the time and today i bumped into her...i just miss her so much...it actually as sad as it sounds...hurts. and thing is...i've never apoligised to her for doing that, ive never found sayin sorry this hard before but i think its because...i know i've hurt her and im just so scared to talk to her now...scared to even look at her because im ashamed!

 

i dunno how to say sorry to her...some of my friends tell me just to leave it and try and forget about it because things will never ever be the same....but i need to apoligise! but 'sorry'...its such a little word and cannot actually describe to her actually how much i regret hurting her like that. im scared if i go and talk to her face to face she'll just ask what the hell im doing or just walk away or tell me to shut up or afterwards laugh about me!

 

how can i tell her how sorry i am?

 

it's her 18th birthday soon and although i don't want to spoil it whatsoever, do you guys think i should maybe go see her afterwards? or maybe send a card? or paint/draw/make her somethin?

 

it's been 7 months now since the last time we talked and i miss the simplest things about our friendships like calling each other up...joking etc! it bugs me so much that i think about her so much i don't think we will ever be friends again (we go to different schools and soon she's off to uni! and we just hardly ever see each other so we're never forced to talk..) i've hurt her so much....

 

but do you think time will ever help?

 

any advice on this would be soooo appreciated!

 

thank you!

[Tigris]

Why don't you go around to her house and talk to her. Tell her that you've missed her and it's all because you've been an idiot. That you've learnt a valuable lesson and that you'll never let her down again like that.

 

Don't take it for granted that she'll forgive you because she might not, ever. However, if she does it will take a very long time for her to trust you again.

 

I suggest you take her some sort of present as a peace offering.

 

Make syre you sort the problem out before her 18th birthday because if it goes wrong you could ruin that special time for her.

 

Good luck

[fishrrshortae]

If you don't mind me asking, why did she hate this other guy/girl ... maybe if we knew more about the circumstsances, we could offer the best way handle this situation

[rozzy]

fishrrshortae, sorry this is long!...

 

my bestfriend didn't hate the girl but hated me being friends with her. it was because she was good friends with her first and then she introduced her to me and we became really good friends through my bestfriend. and me and my bestfriend were going through a kinda bad time then...she treated me really badlly and i was really upset and hurt and i would talk to my other friend about it...and she just always resented the fact that i was like...taking away HER friend. anyway she would always make me choose between her and my other friend and it was such a tough situation i hated it but i couldn't bare not being bestfriends with my bestmate so i told her that ok...il try and cut my other friend out....of course this didn't work out i just couldnt do it and so me and my friend always remained friends...that was until my bestfriend told my other friend that i was planning to cut her out...so my other friend was hurt and obviously didnt want to speak to me. but i apoligise and after a while we gradually got back to normal and became good friends again! but when we did become good friends again my bestfriend kept bugging me about it again and we fought constantly about this and she told me that either its her or my other friend. i was in tears at that stage and out of that really frustrating moment of fear of losing my bestfriend and just finishing arguing with her...i called my other friend up and told her that i don't think we can be friends now...and she said...'oh ok well i have to go...' and that was that...we haven't talked since.

 

you see, i can't expect we'll ever be friends with her again because well...i've hurt her twice...and i'm such a terrible person i shouldn't have done that! i would like to blame my bestfriend for doing that to me but ultimately...i shouldn't have done that! i don't know why i put up with my bestfriend, she treated me so bad but i just couldn't stand not being friends with her...we went through too much. and now that all this has passed...i find myself gradually hating her and myself for what she made me do and what i did! we're growing further and further apart and although she's happy that i 'chose' her...i hate her for it! and a big part of me is happy that we're not as close as we used to be...

 

so i guess...all there is to it is to apoligise and just try and get her out of my mind? we'll never be friends...or probably civil with each other again!

 

tigris...thanks for your suggestion but i don't think it'll be a good idea showing up at her house....she hates me! she'll probably ask what the hell im doing there and i don't think i have the right to?

 

one of her friends keeps telling me to just forget about her, apoligise and thats it because we'll never be friends again. the truth hurts...

[Bethany]

I think you should send her a card for her birthday and a small note inside telling her again how sorry you are and hope that one day she will forgive you. Tell her that you made a stupid mistake which you regret very much and say that despite what you said that you will always be there for her if she needs you in the future and if you think it's appropriate maybe put in your email address. Then I would leave her be. If she doesn't respond, I'm afraid that you will have to accept her decision and move on in your life.

[fishrrshortae]

I agree w/ Bethany, there isn't anything worse right now than not saying anything. The minimum you can do is tell her how sorry you are now and have been since you made that choice. Ask for another chance.

 

Someone mentioned earlier that it might not be the same, and they are right, but there's no harm in trying. Worst case scenario: you try and she doesn't reciprocate.

[rozzy]

thanks everyone, yeah i think i will write her a little apoligy and maybe a small gift. i don't think i have the confidence to ask for another chance though as this was already my second chance and i'm really ashamed of myself! anyway, i know what the answer will be if i asked for another chance.

 

one of my friends told me to not ask for forgiveness because thats asking a bit too much?

 

i just hope one day in the future we can be friends again, maybe not like we used to be because that's asking a lot....but just to be able to talk to her again will be enough for me.

[rozzy]

is it wrong that i'm beginning to hate my bestfriend more and more each day? ok i don't really hate her as a person...but i just hate what she made me do! i hate that she put me in that situation and im feeling so bitter about it now which is not good!!

 

i know im not supposed to be dwelling in the past but i find myself reading past convos i had with my friend or what she wrote to me in long emails or cards and the gifts she gave me for my birthday or christmas! i really miss her

 

i sure hope this feeling pasts!!

[AnnnnnnA]

I know how you feel Rozzy. I'm dealing with a kind of similar situation in the way that I've had to let go of a friend who means (or meant) the world to me. I hope it comforts you to know that its normal to feel this way about friend after having a falling out. I know that with me I felt so so so angry and jealous for days, and I just wanted to destroy my friends locker and rip all her posters down and throw all her text books away and hurt her and make her feel as bad as I felt. But I didnt. Because I'm stronger and I know better than that.

I also know how bad it feels when you dwell on your old friendship. You sit there whenever you've got a spare moment and just think of all the great things you did together. And then you start to feel really lonely and you feel like you need her back in your life. But you have to remember that you dont. Things weren't going to work out. Everything in life happens for a reason. It's probably better off that you and your friend had a falling out now...it's better than it happening later on in your life. You now have more time to deal with it. You have more time to move on and find a real friend. A real friend who'll stick by you through thick and thin.

 

Just be strong. Thats what I have to remind myself. Hold your head up and remember that there are so many other fish in the sea. Things between you and her obviously weren't meant to be. Move on and find someone else. Someone who is your soulmate and your true best friend.