I feel like I'm rotting

[oodles]

I do not know how to explain all of this.

 

To begin with, this has been a long distance relationship for a few months. Ever since then, since our communication has been limited, his emotions have become almost numb. The only real communication we have now is online, and even then he never expresses himself, only menial things like "yep" "ok" "(insert random comment here)" "i have to go now bye". He never says "I love you" or even seems to not show any emotions (like he had always used to), you have to pry emotions out of him by asking sneaky questions. So of course, for the past few months I have been questioning the state of this relationship.

 

I just got to see him again a couple of weeks ago to get a good bead on what is actually going on. To my surprise, he seemed to still care a lot (I guess). He claimed the reasons for not saying "I love you" and only "ditto" and "yep" were that since he has a lot of studying and work to do, that he can't show that kind of emotion and didn't want to lie to me. He also claimed he hated life and felt like he was losing all of his friends because of the time he spends on schoolwork. He assured me that I hadn't done anything wrong and that he was not trying to break up and that he wasn't cheating on me or anything negative and said things basically that were reassuring that he still cared about me and that it was all because he felt so terrible about all the stress. So I thought that this explained it all.

The thing is, he claimed that he did not have enough time to call me or think about me much because of all of this work.

 

Today I found out that not only does he have enough time to call, but he calls other people. Here I am hardly able to ever speak to him even ONLINE yet he can find time to call other people and play video games and carry on.

 

I don't even know what to think. I want to maintain this relationship. I am not trying to lose him or break up with him, but I can't take all of this confusion.

 

Someone please tell me how to communicate with him despite all of these barriers. How can I get him to show me emotion and appreciation???!!!

That's all I ever asked for.

If he really means what he says about not wanting to break up and all that jazz, what will make him show it? If he is saying he will always be there and doesn't want to leave, how can I make him show me that?????!!!! TELL ME HOW TO PROMPT IT OUT OF HIM!!! I WANT THE OLD HIM BACK!! THIS ONE IS TOO WEIRD!!!

 

I don't know how to communicate with him anymore. I'm all out of ideas. The only mode of communication I have with him at this rate is online, and he hardly comes on. How can I get his attention when he finally does come on? Do I have to resort to mental-sounding attention getters?? I really, really, really, really, REALLY need to hear "I love you" or "I care about you" again or SOMETHING to let me know FROM HIM that he still has me in his heart and isn't playing. It has to be there or else he would have no reason to keep acting like he does even if he doesn't say it. So if he ACTS like it and actions supposedly speak louder than words (since apparently he's too "depressed" to say it) how am I supposed to interpret that?? How...HOW....HOW?????????

 

I'm sorry, right now this message probably looks like a jumbled mess, but I can't really get this out right now. I'm just upset. I'll probably come back and edit.

 

Am I making a big deal out of nothing? ](*,)

NFEINPEORPOEFMPEOFhpofjpojwpofahfpoefr; HELP!!

 

Edit: Maybe I am making a big deal out of it. The sad thing is...I REALLY DONT KNOW!!! I'm losing it. Do you think it's a big deal to be upset if a guy isn't showing emotion, especially when he hasn't seen you except between looong time intervals? Is it only natural? o_o

Somebody please justify this man acting like this so I can feel better.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Oodles, I am not going to justify what he's doing so you can feel better. He's not being very nice to you or respectful of you right now.

 

If he is truly making time for other people and playing video games but tells you he's too depressed to say how he feels about you, there IS something there to be alarmed about.

 

It doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't care for you but he may just have fallen into a place where you're easy to take for granted.

 

If it were me, and I realize that you're not, I would give him an ultimatum. Time to pin him down honey. Don't obsess about it, don't ask him where the relationship is every time you talk to him, but CALL him on the telephone, get him on the phone and tell him this is what you need and if he is unable or unwilling to give it to you, you WILL find it elsewhere.

 

The hard part will be accepting it and moving away from the relationship if that's he decides to let you go. Just remember, if that IS what he decides, you are better off without him.

 

If he is willing to work on it with you, make sure you make it clear that you don't appreciate being taken for granted and you will not tolerate it again.

 

Well, at least that's what I would attempt.

 

Good luck!

[cordell13]

oodles...I posted on here for the first time a couple of weeks ago about my bf not saying the "I love you's" or "You rock" anymore like he used to. I stopped calling him and to my surprise he started initiating everything again. He ended up missing me and we saw eachother this past weekend and it was really great. We still don't say the "I love yous" but I think that we are building towards that.

 

I think the more you push for him to tell you how he feels about you, the more you will be pushing him away. Let him contact you. Let him find out what it would be like to not have you.

 

You deserve those nice things to be said to you. And don't be fooled...it only takes a second to text message or initiate a call with someone. When my bf backed off, I noticed right away and knew something was up. When someone is into you, they will let you know that.

 

I say go dark (and not call) and see what happens. I know you will probably fear that he will never talk to you again, but it is a risk you should take because honestly, if he doesn't initiate contact, then he wasn't worth it in the first place.