Self Confidence vs. The Other Guy

[Mr. Jones]

Ok, it took me a while to think about whether or not to post this since I usually like to figure things out myself- but i really think I need some help.

 

Theres this girl I became interested in back in November. She played at this coffee shop I go to often and I just couldn't keep my eyes off of her. Although it took me a while to actually talk to her, we finally ended up having many great conversations from December till now (this was after we both shared a lot of eye contact, and had much difficulty approaching each other). The cool thing is that we can talk just about anything, and she seems very interested in me too. Like one night I recall we talked for well over an hour and a half and in that time...i couldn't recall how many signs she gave me showing how interested she was.

 

The problem is I've been through a very troubled past, and I think my confidence is really lacking. Like when we talked I found myself often looking away, I don't know why- it's a personal issue where i think if i maintain eye contact too long I might freak her out or something. I'm hopeful that she didnt find that discouraging?

 

Other than that I notice she was really flirty with me: (ex punching, pinchin, tickling me) that sorta stuff. Of course I found this the opportune time to do it right back to her . But then again there's another problem. I notice she is quite flirty with many other guys especially this older guy (whom is also my friend) that she seems quite close to. In fact, they spend time together all the time. I questioned her one night if he was coming to see her play at the coffee shop again- and she referred to him as just "my buddy".

 

Here's my question though...How can I show her I'm interested? what are somethings I can say that can maybe hint aroud to that? and how can i get around to asking her if she's available?

 

(I don't know the current status between the other guy and her, although we all hang out together constantly)

 

Also last night I kinda felt out of place, and didn't give her a hug goodbye or pay much attention to her. do you think this was a bad mistake?

 

Hope someone can help.

[ElektraHere]

You are already showing her your interested by spending time with her. I dont know what the troubled past is but sounds to me like your a little shy. That is alright everyone is shy once in awhile.

Ask her if she would like to go grab a coffee someplace other than the place where you two frequent. Ask her to the movies or shoot ask her to ice cream girls really like ice cream

She seems to be interested in you and her being flirty with others is a way to get your attention.

Take a deep breath, tell yourself you can do it, and ask her out.

Good Luck

[HaloDestroyer]

Take it a step further. She'll tell you whether she wants anything else or not...

 

Hope this helps...

[ocrob]

I totally agree with elektra. The best way to know if she is interested is to ask her out. Ask her if you can take her to dinner and spend some time alone with her. She may like you as a buddy or may be wishing you would ask her out. When I was younger, I made the mistake of being too shy to ask women out. In most cases, they will not take the lead and you have to. Maybe you could even show up with a rose and just tell her you were thinking about her. If she ends up not being interested, then at least you will know and you can still be friends.

[ElektraHere]

Ocrob I love the rose idea. I know girls and women for that matter love flowers. Ocrob is also right that girls at that age want the guy to take the lead and will do everything in their power to get your attention to do so.

[Mr. Jones]

well that's another issue...shes 22 im 19

however that guy i was talking about is in his mid thirty's..

and i know women generally date older men, i dont think of that being much a problem though?

[ElektraHere]

that isnt a problem at all unless she is into going out to bars and clubs which you couldnt do. You never know until you try.

Try try try ;-)

[Mr. Jones]

Actually where i live you can go into bars at 18, you just can't drink. Anyways I found out tonight that she isnt dating the other guy, they are just really close friends.

 

Also I'm starting to notice that she seems to becoming a little hesitant around me. (for example, she is really figity when im around and seems a bit uncomfortable-sometimes not trying to make eye contact) Maybe because she is disappointed that i havent said anything in regards to asking her out? or what could this mean?

 

When we do talk she still acts interested. Like during one of the convos tonight we remained eye contact the whole time...but once we stopped she got all figity messing with her hair and such.

 

and then once she left, i didnt offer a hug again and she didnt even pay attention to me as she waved goodbye to all the others...however, at the last second she looked at me and smiled.

 

I dont know what to do =/...i need to be assure of some definate signs? what can i look for?

[ocrob]

Dude, you have to do something and quick. It sounds like she likes you, but if you don't make a move, you will lose! She is either interested or likes you as a friend. You really have nothing to lose except the anxiety of wondering. You can ask her out and still not subject yourself to rejection. Just ask her if she wants to do something casual and hang out. You gotta do it my friend.