anger..PLEASE help

[SaRaHmArIe8588]

ok heres my story. i've been seeing this guy i work with for almost 9 months now. since im still in school and hes not, hes waiting for me to graduate before we're truly together. so, we only see eachother at work..talk on the phone and computer every night. Hes the best guy i could ever ask for...but if i could change one thing it would be his anger. We have never fought in person because when we see eachother we are just so happy to be together since we are only together once a week..but we argue alot on the phone and online. i knew when we started seeing eachother that he had anger issues...but they didnt worry me because i thought id be able to help him deal with. everyone keeps telling me that i should get out now before i get hurt...because he has explosive anger sometimes..not directed toward me , but towards other coworkers, etc. i wanna be with him because i love the person he is when hes not like that. my question is...should i wait and see what happens when we are finally truly together..or should i get out now. i dont wanna leave him..but i dont wanna have to deal with pain either...Please help.

 

-Sarah-

[friscodj]

I'd talk to him about it, tell him how you feel. Essentially tell him what you told us here...

 

The only way his anger issues will change is if he wants them to. So make sure this is addressed...

 

If he's open to working on it, I'd say give it a chance if he is as wonderful as you say. If he doesn't take to this idea well, say goodbye...

[SLMitchell918]

Let him know that anger is not the way to solve anything. If you want to stay in this relationship, then your going to have to work with him on his anger issues.

 

Tell him how it bothers you and how you dislike arguing. See if he understands you feelings and is willing to work on it.

[janey17]

tell him how you feel. if he's willing to work on it, then sure he might be the great guy that you think he is! then i would say stick it out and see if he changes. he should if he knows it bothers you, maybe he just doesn't realize the extent of his anger, or the effects it is having on you and your feelings. just talk to him, try to explain how it makes you feel and your worries about his anger when you're finally together... and hopefuly he'll be willing to work on it and make a good effort. if not... then it may not be worth the pain of getting seriously involved and having to say goodbye later. goodluck!

[friscodj]

he should if he knows it bothers you, maybe he just doesn't realize the extent of his anger, or the effects it is having on you and your feelings.

 

If you believe this relationship can work, you should give him a chance. Realize too this may not be telling him just once...you may need to remind him at times...help him out but only if he wants to help himself out...

[Lunabelle]

No matter what else is going on, if you "argue a lot" as you put it, my opinion is, that is a big sign that all is not well. I suffer from anger issues myself, and I can sympathize, but that doesn't mean you need to be the one to "fix" his anger issues. I wish I had paid more attention to the constant arguing early on in my relationship. I've been married 20 years now and the arguing has never stopped....please, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, you are still very young and have years and years to find someone who will actually be fun to be with......I don't think you should offer yourself up to be the one to bear this particular burden, b/c that's what it will be for you.

 

"Explosive anger" (your term) is one tiny step away from physical abuse....even if you've never seen him do it, do you want to be the one it happens to? And if he seems easily angered, how will he handle the normal stresses of everyday life? The emotional and mental abuse that comes from verbal abuse is often just as damaging to the victim as physical abuse. There's just no physical proof.

 

Don't you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness? I think you do!