I'd Like To Tell Him

[Confessoress]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 10 months now. Over time my feelings have gradually grown, although admittedly I've probably loved him for a few months now. I knew from the very beginning there was something special between us that I had never felt in previous relationships.

 

He hasn't told me he loves me. I did hint 3 months into the relationship I felt it was heading that way for me, which didn't freak him out at all.

 

I'm just at the point now were I'd like to tell him soon, but am still unsure whether I should or not. I'm scared, yes. Scared that he doesn't feel the same way, yes. But more than anything worried if I tell him it will effect our relationship in a negative way. I know him well enough to guess how he'll react, which I'm guessing willl be a "Why? What makes you think you do?" and I'm not sure how to answer that.

 

I don't know if I should just wait longer and see if he says it first (and mean it, of course. But I know he wouldn't say it unless he meant it anyway and the same goes for me). But if it hit the 1 year mark and he hadn't told me he loves me I'd be a bit concerned (that he doesn't love me, or there's some deep seated insecurity).

 

I'm happy with the relationship as it stands, we do have up and downs but never anything serious. The long distance aspect does add a little tension for me sometimes.

 

I also get the impression that saying those 3 words for him is a very big deal, as he can't take it back once he's said it. And he MAY think if he says those words the relationship will have to change, or go a stage further, which isn't the case at all in my eyes.

 

With Valentine's coming up I've been digitally painting him as his favourite Superhero and I was contemplating whether to add a note saying I love you or not. Or wait until I see him again. Problem with that is we normally spend 4 days together and just at the point when we get really comfortable together and snuggley and I feel it's the right time, he has to leave. I do feel if this wasn't a long distance relationship I would have said it by now, because it's at the point where I'm almost spontaneously slipping it out when we see each other.

 

I'm not really sure how to go about this one...

[SpyderE]

it can be very hard for some guys, for me I don't just say it, I mean it. 10 months into the relationship you should have enough of a feel of how he will take it, i would assume that he is not just with you for the hell of it, i imagine he has true feelings for you and does not realize what thoes three little words mean to you. I wouldn't pop it on him during sex, that is never a good time, unless you have said it before. Maybe something in a conversation over dinner etc " I know I haven't said it before......."

 

my ex was afraid the first time she told me she loved me, she said it then had this terrified look in her eyes like i was going to scream and run away I loved her with all my heart and told her, after that she was really happy.

 

so I would go for it. Good Luck, E

[Confessoress]

Thanks for the advice, SpyderE.

 

I'm still not sure whether I should or not...

 

So just to clarify, she told you first, then you told her? If so, why didn't you tell her before? ^_^

 

Hmm, do y'all think 10 Months is a fair period of time before saying it, so it doesn't sound wooooah, too soon?

[Confessoress]

A question for all... how do you go about telling someone why you love them? It's not something I find very easy to articulate.

[lilsmc]

my dumb ex said he "loved me" 2 weeks into juss seeing each other!!! I had a feeling he was going to say something like that, and i obviously wasnt feeling the same way!! it felt very weird!! but soon we started going on..and i started to seriously have strong feelings for him.. and It's like YOU KNOW when the right time is TO say those 3 little words!! its nerve wrecking, but 10 months??? i think this feeling should be mutual!!! goOod LUCK!

[Confessoress]

Thanks

 

I just don't know if I can do it. I just don't think he loves me, not saying he doesn't care a lot, but...

 

It's just breaking my heart. For a while now I've told myself just another Month then I'll tell him and I'll be more sure of his feelings (hoping he'll tell me first). But still 10 Months on I have no idea how he feels. I can't look him straight in the face, he's not here I don't have that luxury.

 

Valentine's is coming up and I bought him a card, but I can't send it to him because his family sometimes open his mail and they can't know about us, not now. I mentioned I wanted to send him something and that could I send it to his friends and he could hand it to him, but he just said "You can give it to me when I'm there next" which could be ages away, and what's the point then?

 

I'm just feeling heartbroken really. I miss him, but if I tell him he doesn't respond in kind. I know he cares but I...

 

Sigh, don't know what I should do.

 

Sometimes I just look at his photos and cry, as ridiculous as that may be.