Post Breakup Analysis/Rant....

[drbombay]

Hello all,

 

I just broke up ending a relationship that lasted over 3 months. She is 32 (i'm 31), mother of 2 kids and works at the same hospital as I do. I was totally in love, was patient and accomodating with work and her parenting (for the most part -- I can be impatient and it showed from time to time). Within the last month things went from hot to cold. I finally had to end it during one of our "heart to heart" talks. She was pushing me to do it because she didn't have the heart to do it herself (hindsight) and although things are nice between us I'm still at a loss as to what really happened.

 

After almost a month of internal back and forth, I came up with 3 conclusions as to why things went south in my relationship:

 

1. She was seeing someone else. She has an ex in the picture (kids) and I'm sure once he got wind of our relationship he probably started flexing his influence muscle and broke her confidence in our relationship.

 

2. She just lost interest in me period. I've had a "I just woke up one day and lost that feeling" situation before and although I never believe it, it does happen and the girl has no idea why.

 

3. She is telling me the truth. In my case, she realized that she wasn't ready for what a full time relationship required --time and energy. She has a very limited amount of free time as it is and whe we both broke it down, I would only get 5% of her time -- not acceptable to me. She also had problems with integrating me and her kids (troubled childhood).

 

All 3 conclusions pointed to a woman with deep emotional problems that I would not be able to solve. I concluded that my time is more valuable to me and if she wanted a real relationship, she would have sat down with me and tried to work these issues out until we were both satisfied. Since she didn't and I had to "force her to the table" with phone calls and visits to her nurse wing I finally decided that she just didn't want to be involved with me anymore. I know she still cares for me but not in the relationship -- a very hard pill to swallow. It's hard to accept reality but as in my case it was staring me in the face for over a month and I just ignored it.

 

This is more of a rant than anything but hopefully someone will read it and let me know if I'm heading in the right direction when it comes to recovery.

 

Thanks for listening!

[Msnak]

You're analyzing things, that's always good. You summed it up and you seem ready to move on. Plus, you seem to have noticed that it takes TWO people in a relationship to do good or do bad. You seem as if you've learned a lesson and that you'll carry it with you as you move forward.

 

Grade: A Good luck!

[drbombay]

Msnak -- Thanks! I guess this is a learning process. I'm getting better with age!

[Msnak]

LOL! No problem. At least you're aware enough as a person, to think things through. There are lots of people your age who still don't!