misreading a person

[mryoung]

I recently became interest in a woman. We were co-workers with an gov agency for three years. Last year, I transferred to a different agency. After my transfer, the two of us began serving together on a advisory board.

 

A began to develop feelings for her. It grew more intense over time. Back in the spring, she did something that I was impressed with. I called her up and told her that I was impressed. She told me I was very thoughtful. She also said that by me calling her told her what type of person I am.

 

At our next meeting, I got a nice smile and very sweet hello from her.

 

After the meeting, I asked her to lunch. She said yes. But when I called, she did not return the call. A week later, I asked to serve on a workgroup with me and she said yes. She attended all of the meeting and proved to be very helpful.

 

About six weeks ago, she left the agency. She invited to me to her after-work party. At the party, she suggessted that we get together after she started her new job.

 

A week ago I called her at her new employer. Conversation was friendly. I asked her if she wanted together after work. She said yes. She told me one night of the week is bad. She asked me what night was good. I responsed. She told me she would get back to me. She has not responsed.

 

Why does she keeping saying yes then backing off?

Why did she invite me to the party?

 

Am I misreading her friendly matter

[Belle]

mryoung,

 

It sounds like she's a bit of a people pleaser and her interest level is not that high. Whereas she was flattered by your compliments, ultimately she's looking for something different.

 

I would cut my losses and stop pursuing her. You can't squeeze blood from a turnip.

[prettydance]

MAybe she said yes because she really meant it, then when it came time for the date maybe something else came up and she didnt bother to call you.

 

Maybe she changed her mind, sounds like it, dont contact her again because then you look like your really after her.

[mryoung]

I think you are both correct. Move on!

[smittenkitten]

At the party, she suggessted that we get together after she started her new job.

 

Women generally don't do this if they're not interested. We usually try to avoid giving a man any idea that we'd like to go out... often pulling the "I'm sorry but I have a boyfriend" line (whether or not it's true!) The fact that she brought it up is a definite sign of interest.

 

I don't know why she said she'd call & didn't. I know that I hate calling men, and sometimes I'll say OK when a guy says "Call me", and I usually don't, because I figure if he's interested enough he'll assume I was just busy & he'll call again. (I'm trying to break that habit, and now I say something like "Oh it's fine, you can call me whenever you'd like.") I don't want to be the pursuer in a relationship. She might be thinking, "Well, I asked him out, so he knows I like him and if he's really interested he'll call me." Or she might have forgotten that she said she'd call you & she's wondering why she hasn't heard from you. (I did that once in college, when a guy I was into passed me in the hall in a big crowd of people & put his hand up to his ear like a phone & mouthed "Call me"... but I thought he was signaling that he'd call me, and I didn't, and he didn't, and a couple weeks later we ran into each other and he asked why I hadn't called him! I know, that's not exactly your situation, is it? Oh well...) The point is, you just don't know what's going on in her head right now! Why assume the worst? Assume she has good intentions until she proves otherwise!

 

I'd give it one more chance. Don't let her "bookmark" you (leaving it open-ended) though. If the night you suggest doesn't work for her, ask her what night would be good. When she tells you, say, "OK then, Saturday (or Friday, or Thursday) at 7pm, we can go out for dinner, would you like me to pick you up?" If she's truly interested she'll say yes. And if you have the date and time nailed down, you don't need to hang around waiting for her to call you.

 

You have nothing to lose in this.

 

Good luck!

[mryoung]

Thank's

 

Different view