I went to my ex's house...I can't believe it - I'm still in shock!!

[coolbloke1978]

My story can be found at this post:

 

After 2 months of NC I sent him a christmas card and since then we have numberous texts flying around but meeting up to exchange stuff etc We were supposed to meet today but he cancelled saying ive broken my toe so why dont you come and collect your stuff from home? I was apprehensive...but I said what the hell this has gone on for long enough! So I went to his house! I am shocked at my brave move. So anyway I ring the doorbell, his flatmate answers and says Hi come on up.

 

So I went and there he was sat on the couch with his foot up on the stool. I kissed his flatmate a happy new year then I looked at him I shook his hand and kissed him on the cheek.

 

Then I said oh here's your stuff and I was standing there awkwardly then his flatmate say sit down we dont charge!

 

So I sat on the sofa next to my ex and we started talking. It was surreal. We didn't mention anything about the break up just what each has been up to laughed and joked a little. (I was a tad nervous) but smiling and joking and acting normal. Then I got up to go I said ok I best leave (after 20mins) I said err where's my stuff...he said here (all washed and ironed) he said maybe you left some stuff in Ireland I'll ask my sis and let you know. I said ok hope you feel better soon. I'll call you later on in the week.

 

He said ok then I left. I'm still shaking I can't believe I did that!!! Did I do the right thing...it was really amicable and so on but I don't know what my next move should be....can anybody help???? Do you think there is anyone else in his life - I didn't get that impression but I don't know really.... Flippin h*ll I am taking deep breaths here!!!](*,)

[SeaBisquit]

I kinda think he just wants to look like a nice guy. did he break up with you?

[coolbloke1978]

No. It was mutual. Kinda. I just had enough of the bull and he cornered me into breaking up with him. And I think it was the best thing to do at that time.

[shiningstar]

honestly he sounds like a decent guy. he didn't start anything with you when you went to his place. and he made it pleasant. i think the guy still cares for you. but it may not mean that he wants to get back together with you. what are you hoping for?

[coolbloke1978]

i dont know you know. i guess i was hoping for some positivity and the way this has ended has kind of ended on a positive note as opposed to complete anomysisty. i thought id feel weird by going there etc but we both behaved completely normal. we were talking about what everyone was up to. He was looking directly at me but I couldnt look at him I was just looking at his flatmate all the time. i will have to decide what i want to do. i would like another go but i think i will make him say it rather than me. as it stands ill just be all pally and matey with him...who knows maybe a friendship if nothing else. i felt no hatred nothing for him. we were just calm, neutral and normal. how should i initiate the next form of contact and when???

[shiningstar]

ok, if you really want to see him again and be absolutely sure. i would call and say it was really nice seeing you and thankyou for giving me back my things. i was just wondering if you would like to stay in touch?

[coolbloke1978]

i think he does cos he said ill find about selling your car and ill call my sister if she found your top and left it in ireland? so thats a given that he wants to be in touch...but how do i ask him out without asking desperate and needy and looking like i have an agenda?

[shiningstar]

ok, alot of people are going to say stick to NC. but i want to ask you a few questions. has he called you since the breakup? or are you the one calling him? the main thing is to not be to pushy and remember that you did have issues that brought you to the break up.

[coolbloke1978]

he has texted me to wish me a happy new year etc and then i replied back we haven't contacted each other at all only one or the other initiated contact. this stuff needed to be exchanged. just today when he told me he's fractured his toe was the first time i called him since the break up and asked are you ok? and the conversation was normal so thats why i had the courage to go there i guess. ure right ill stick to nc. its for the best.

[shiningstar]

how long have you two been broken up for? i think you might have hope, but take it really slow. some people do get back together and are able to work things out. just if you decide to do this, stay away from having sex with him until you know for sure.

[coolbloke1978]

we have been broken up for 3 months and the first 2.5 months was complete no contact. We broke up first week of october.

[octopus]

Yeah.. take it slow.. I'm in no position to offer advice as a dumpee myself, but think all your moves through and allow enough time for both sides to digest everything... And always remind yourself; don't keep your hopes up... Assume the worst...

[redandblack]

Hey,

 

Be careful with this. I know it's easy to get excited and let your guard down. Make sure you don't do that! Like octopus said, assume the worst.

 

My ex would contact me and ask me to hang out a lot. That didn't mean she wanted anything more from me than my support, humor and general friendship. Remember: Anything short of "I want to work things out" is nothing in the 'getting back together' scheme of things.

 

You've only been broken up for 3 months, so everything is still sort of new, even if it doesn't seem that way. However, you do have a good ammount of no contact time, so you have that in your favor. Then again, it's what BOTH of you did in that time that matters, not just a numerical value. If he partied a whole lot and didn't do much thinking then he is a lot less likely to stick to things even if you get back together. If he was really introspective in his thoughts, you have a much better chance in the long run. Don't get over eager. Let him call the shots. The ball is and will be in his court and there is very little you can do. That is why you have to be cautious.

 

If you have come to the same realizations I have during no contact, then getting back with him won't truly matter. You've (hopefully) already begun and are traveling down the road of 'moving on' (making a new/different future that you look forward to). You might be a little sad, but you will still be okay if you don't end up together.

 

Take care

[coolbloke1978]

That's great advice redandblack. I think I am at the stage you described as:

 

If you have come to the same realizations I have during no contact, then getting back with him won't truly matter. You've (hopefully) already begun and are traveling down the road of 'moving on' (making a new/different future that you look forward to). You might be a little sad, but you will still be okay if you don't end up together.

 

I have realised we aren't right for each other. I cherish the good memories I had with him and just leave it to the fact that he's younger and has a whole lot of partying etc to do before he settles down. I am not getting my hopes up. And i am not going to push for anything. Unless like you said he makes his intentions clear. Right now I just see it as friendship and nothing else. I was thinking last nite - even if we did get back together the same problems would crop up again and ultimately we will never be able to advance or move on - the same cycle again. I think just playing it cool is the way forward.

[coolbloke1978]

i have another update. i sent him a text saying how is the toe? he said a lot better thanks any trouble with the train this morning? THE TRAIN!!! THE F****** TRAIN! Is that the best he can do to continue the line of conversation........GRRRR some people!