This must be a frequent question but...

[bmwsv101]

So lunch went fine. But I'm kind of tired of this. Tired of the emotional rollercoaster ride due to the constant "Does she like me? Was that a sign? What did that look mean?" questioning. I feel like if she likes me, she should do something to make it more obvious. But until that point comes, I think I shouldn't worry about it. I need to go after a girl I 100% know for sure is gay, or bi.

With this girl, I constantly feel like I'm trying to convert her or that I'm always over analyzing things. And that's lame. I think it's about time for a nice simple relationship...but does that even exist?

[Jinx]

With this girl, I constantly feel like I'm trying to convert her or that I'm always over analyzing things. And that's lame. I think it's about time for a nice simple relationship...but does that even exist?

 

I had this same problem, or well at least a similar one. I was interested in a woman whom said she was straight and gave mixed signals. She still is, and I officially gave up. She actually was acting like I was some long lost friend the other day after acting for days like I didn't even exist.

 

I hate the mixed signals and guessing and wondering if it is wishful thinking. I've had much work in nonverbal communication but one thing that was Not Included in that package was mind reading when signals contradict. It frustrates me to no end certain days when these straight claiming women come up and seem to be obviously flirting from what I know about flirting and signs of interest yet when you come back with your own they back off because they're just experimenting in their minds, and I'm no 8th grade Science project, I guess that is what bothers me most.

 

Another problem I've encountered around here is that it seems with me, the woman can (A) meet my standards OR (B) be a lesbian. Not good for me. I can't do anything with a straight woman who is perfect, and can't do anything with a lesbian that I have nothing in common with other than, well, being a lesbian.

 

Further, I think we all have some faith in our gaydars and we connect with certain people for certain reasons. I personally can tell gay men, but couldn't tell a lesbian for the life of me. This in itself seems contradicting that the same thing I seem to be getting off the men who are gay doesn't work with women, or at least they aren't ready to come to terms. So far I'm +1 with a woman who swore up and down she couldn't ever be a lesbian, and next time I see her, guess what... But I'm racking up a lot more -1's than positives.

 

If these women end up coming out in the years to come I may just pull my hair out, well maybe not that drastic, but it would be a point of annoyance. Truly though, I think I should be more bothered by society and its standards than these women for following them.

 

I do believe though, that we all at some point will find our special someone, somehow. Though, it may take awhile.

 

I think another thing like I've said in many of a post, those late teens and twenties are the party years and most aren't ready to sit themselves down anyhow. Most of the women I've been interested in they almost all have to my knowledge minimal or no relationship experience, interested in the wild and crazy days before settling down among a hundred other aspects. That I suppose is one of my fears, while I could peacefully date someone and consider settling down in the future at a reasonable age most cannot and have a commitmentaphobia going on, seriously.

 

That may be an important element for most of us to consider is the age range, society, and location. Everything seems to vary how people act around one another and with themselves.

[bmwsv101]

It was just recently my brithday, so for this evening, my friends and I all got together for dinner, drinks, and then went out to dance. Well, of course, Erin was there, and honestly, I must have forgotten how fun and nice it felt to flirt with her, and watch her flirt with me. But of course, one of my male friends, who knows about my dilema with her, was I guess, trying to get a read on the situation the entire evening and his conclusion is that she's just a flirty person with people she likes. So it's not my fault for getting confused, she was sending those signals. But it's not like she only flirts with her girl friends, she flirts with guys too, so it tips the scale towards straight.

So I'm pretty committed to just giving up all hopes of ever having a real relationship with her (aside from friendship, that is). However, I still have a slight issue. My friend (the one who was scoping her out all night), was doing some flirting with her - he says to see if she would flirt back, to figure out if she was straight. Before, he's also mentioned, in what I hope was a joking matter, that maybe he should "get with her" and then, after having sex with a man, Erin would realize that she wanted something different. Then tonight, when the evening was done and he and I went back to his apartment and found a couple of her things still there, I told him that I would take them and give them to her later this week, but he said no, that'd he'd do it. This is the second time he's ever seen her! Of course, as we were leaving and I asked him again about her stuff, he said that we could leave it at his place since we were going to try to see her tomorrow. To me, that just sounded like a cover up.

I mean, the girl is cute, and flirty, and great and all, and he said it himself, it's understandable why someone would like her. But, being that's he's probably my best male friend ever, wouldn't him trying to date her, despite my efforts to not pursue her anymore, still be a really lame and shady thing to do? Bording on betrayal, even?

I don't know for sure what he plans to do, or if he even actually likes her, but I can't help but feel upset just thinking about it. I really do care about this girl, and I guess right now, seeing her date one of my best friends just wouldn't help me get over her. I'm probably just feeling a little vulnerable or insecure over the situation...I'll just have to see how things develop. But in the meantime, I still feel like crap.