Confused by my ex.

[Pikey1972]

That's very encouraging news Cherokeelion - I hope it works out for you all in 2006 and beyond!

 

Take care

[Cherokeelion]

Man... I'm either reading things wrong or I'm reading a bunch of stuff that is all over the place. When my ex stops to think about how I treated her in the past, she gets very upset... theres nothing I can say on the phone. While talking about flights home today she point blank told me she doesn't believe a thing I say... that the reason she's there "fcking" this other guy is because she doesnt think I've changed and nor will I. Other times she misses me and tells me she loves me even though I was an azz. I've tried to explain that sometimes people need a strong jolt just to see what problems are there. When shes like that theres no talking to her... and I end up feeling like I've been stuffed right back in the garbage bag. Granted, I was an azz...yes. This is why I don't know whats going on. Theres nothing I can do except continue to acknowledge where I went wrong and keep trying to fix what problems I know I have. The stuff I hear from my ex is cutting and hurtful when she looks back, it's a helpless feeling knowing she's judging the future based on the past. I know in most cases thats probably a good thing... but what about the few where someone really does see what they've done wrong? I hate the mess I created here... she's more than likely coming home still angry with me and not interested in working on anything.

 

There are days I have hope based on how we talked, and then there are days like today that leave me wanting to scream in frustration. I know I love this woman tremendously, I think anyone else I'd see the wreckage of my actions and give up.

 

Thing is... she's worth it. I see where I went wrong, and all I can do is stay on the right path from here on out. She gets angry seeing what I do now, not only because she thinks I'm being fake, but also "Why, didn't I do these things when we were together?"

 

I am battling my own history with my ex... I like the steps I've taken and the direction I'm going in. I wish profoundly my ex someday can try... I know she still loves me, she has said so herself.

 

She's convinced I'm doing this because someone else got her.... I've said it wouldn't matter if she joined a convent, got engaged, or joined the Vienna Choir... it was the fact that she left that made me see what was important.

[Cherokeelion]

I've re-read my previous posts and I want to make it clear that my ex had no real part in creating this mess.... she was completely there for me, with everything she had. She gave me more than I have ever seen anyone give a person and I didn't see it until too late. I often wonder how a person becomes so blind to the love being given by someone right by their side. I would hate to think my blindness is a common thing.

[Mun]

"Why, didn't you do these things when we were together?"

 

Even though I think this is a rhetorical question, your answer is very correct: you hadn't realized how deeply you were hurting her and your relationship, until she was gone.

 

Sounds like you have alot of work ahead of you to save this relationship. She's hurt, angry with you and now there are more issues to deal with (the other man).

 

Is couples counseling something you can manage? You may need some professional help in order to move ahead together.

 

The best you can do is continue to reassure her that you have changed, and better yet SHOW HER you have...

[Cherokeelion]

I am sad today... my ex called me crying last night saying that she's pregnant. Her last period ended Dec 14th... we had sex the 15th, then she left. I know she ovulated approximately Christmas Day and yes, the hormones can show up by yesterday. I am just sick about this... she didnt want this now and I certainly am upset about the other man here. This is a soap opera nightmare. She knows it's more than likely his and is spending time figuring out what to do. I've already told her that I love her and will support her, that things will be ok no matter what. I didn't sleep at all last night over this.

 

There are moments where I just want to wash my hands of the whole mess... and then I see how open emotionally my ex is. She's an open book who has had a rough life. I can't get past the fact that I love her still... she was online getting a plane ticket home yesterday morning... had been feeling sick for a couple of days, got a positive test, called me crying and I haven't heard from her since yesterday. My brain is having a hard time getting around all of this. I told her it would be neat for our little girl to have a brother or sister, trying to cheer her up. It is so hard to help someone hurting over the phone when you just want to scoop them up, hold them and say its ok... this is not a bad thing. I am her ex.... why did she call me immediately? Was she reaching out? I did the best I could on the phone... I want to fly out to her but I know that would backfire. How do you do no contact and not go nuts like this?

[Mun]

Why would you do no contact?

 

Be there for her whatever she decides...you love her still and she was on her way back to you... right? I know this is difficult, unfortunately our actions always bring consequences. Like I said before, if you get back together: couples counseling...lots of it.

[Cherokeelion]

I am doing no contact because she asked me not to call where she is... apparently the new guy gets seriously pissed at the mention of me since he knows how close we once were. I know she respects the fact I don't break her wishes. I have also learned from experience that she is most approchable when she's had time to think about whatever's been or being said. When she has the time to organise her feelings then she calls me... I have always been able to think and feel fast, she hasn't so that works out best. I'm getting out of the house to try and clear my mind a bit.... to breathe and think.

[Mun]

I'm getting out of the house to try and clear my mind a bit.... to breathe and think.

 

 

good idea.