i think my friend has a feeling for my girl=(

[baller_baby21]

well i've been going out with this girl for a while and she has this friend, they aren't exactly bestfriends but they are good friends. Well all of a sudden they been talking a lot and been seeing each other a lot during school cause she has a different lunch then me cause she's older but yeah. i know she really likes me because she writes me tonz of letters and she bought me a present for x-mas and who would waste their money unless they really like the person. well this guy which used to be my best friend when i was like in grade 2 has way more things in common with her and he bought her lunch the other day and also she's wearing his sweater. im not going to jump to conclusion because i don't wanna feel stupid and also her bestfriend was in the situation and she thinks that, that guy is a idiot. so i don't want to be the next idiot. im just wondering should i ask questions or wait and play it out. i don't wanna lose her like i like her so much and we been in so much together. this guy is always at her locker too and plus she always talks about him. HELP PLEASE ASAP

[ocrob]

My advise to you is to be very delicate with the situation, but talk to your friend. Don't act upset or anything just ask him what is up. Don't act annoyed and just say: Hay bro, I've seen you talking to so and so, are you into her? The fact is that if he is after her and she likes him it will end ugly. But just be really cool about it and ask. He might lie, but the fact is that you will know soon enough. You may even want to ask her very delicately. Don't act jealous at all, but say hey I've seen you talking to so and so, is there anything I need to know? If the wheels are in motion there is nothing you can do, but talking about it very casualy, you might be able to divert the situation. That is if you want to. If it happens, act like it meant nothing. Trust me my young brother. Any friend that hits on his other friends girl is a piece of sh**. But you have to play it totally cool or the drama will be horrible. Obviously, let her know you care and like or love her, but don't let this other guy make you sound like a little. B. If she breaks it to you, just laugh and walk away. Sounds illogical, but you can't keep her from liking him if that is the case. If she does, then don't give her the time of day. I hope that is not the case!

 

I am an old guy bro, trust me. lol Best of luck and definitely fight for your woman, but don't show weakness. It sucks, but I am thinking High School.

 

ocrob

[PocoDiablo]

My opinion would be to not talk to him OR her about it, because it shows insecurity and weakness.

 

All you need to know is right in front of your face. Does she touch him? Where? Arms, legs, face, hold hands? How close do they stand to each other?

 

Personally, I would say that what she is doing is WAY inappropriate. If I found out that my GF was wearing some other guys sweater, I would dump her. And I would do it by simply stating "I am not the kind of guy who tolerates being made a fool of or being disrespected. Your very actions of hanging out with this other guy, being close to him, and wearing his clothes really makes me look like some sucker. Look, I can understand if you want to hang out with other people, and I don't mind, but you have crossed the line with him. I am going to suggest that you stop the inappropriate behavior because the next time you disrespect me in any way I'm just going to flat dump you no questions asked. Do you understand me?"

 

Yes, it's harsh, but it's also the truth. And, as a mature man, you HAVE to tell her the truth and tell her as soon as you figure it out. Is she going to like it? Of course not! She is going to deflect this blame, attack you, call you jealous or stupid or blind or who knows what else. All you have to do is (1) tell her that her reaction is also a very poor indicator of how much she likes you, because if she really liked you she would understand where you were coming from and would RESPECT it and (2) tell her no matter how she feels about the situation, this is your standards and if she wants to be with you she has to meet them.

 

Besides, how many posts are on this site about some guy who hangs out with a girl because he secretly likes her. This "guy" is going to do everything in his power to make you look mean, stupid, dumb, whatever, so he can have a chance with her. Quite frankly, if she does not respect your position, I would say let them have each other! They both seem to be low-quality (assuming she is violating your standards) and won't last long either!

 

So, go do your homework, see what they are doing (maybe skip a class or get out of class early - without getting in trouble of course) and just watch from a distance.

 

I would not ask around, either, because then people will spread a rumor that you are a jealous stalker type, and THAT will just make you look dumb. See for yourself.

 

Good luck.

[baller_baby21]

I don't think she touches him, but the only reason why she wearin his sweater is because i don't have mine. i'm kind of like her first boyfriend too and we had problems before, i just don't want her 2 feel sad and i don't want to be hurt. so confused

[PocoDiablo]

Problems are okay, so long as you deal with them in a mature and calm manner. You should not worry about how she feels if you think she is being dishonest, you should focus on how YOU are going to feel.

 

Nonetheless, sounds like you need to watch things for a while and go from there. Feel free to post what you see here so we can try to help.

[Dating Coach]

Poco is 100% right on this thread and saved me a long post.

[ShySoul]

This post was not about girls who hang out with guys because they secretly like her and the topic was not needed to be gotten into.

 

baller, they have been friends for a long time right? Then wouldn't friends hang out together? If they have similar schedules, it would follow that they spend their free time together. I am sure that if you had lunch with her, she would be spending it with you too. The sweater.... was it cold? You say you didn't have your sweater handy, she was cold, he offered her his sweater. It could be a friendly act. Nothing screams out, they are sneaking around behind your back. It is no reason to dump a person because they wear a friends sweater. That's being a tad controlling. What right do you have to dictate what she can wear? Just because you are her boyfriend does not give you the right to say who she can and can not hang out with or be friends with, and wearing a sweater as being crossing the line - especially when you don't even know why it happened or care to ask - is being too forceful and crossing a line yourself.

 

You don't want to demand anything. You want to be reasonable and understandable. Chances are there is nothing going on, nothing she is doing indicates that or is wrong. To approach it with that attiude is more likely to create problems instead of solve them