Why is he doing this to me??

[Irishgurl]

I got dumped a week ago and as if it didn't hurt me enough... now he is going and posting on these forums we both go on how well he is doing & how he has gotten into working out & climbing & has some personal goals he wants to achieve for Xmas. He never wanted to work out with me and always made excuses not to...

 

Why is he trying to hurt me even more than he already has??? Is he just trying to ACT like he is over me? Or is he really over me? Or is he just doing this to piss me off? I don't get it...

 

When I met him, he was miserable & was stuck in a rut. I had a dream of becoming a cop, was heavy into fitness, had tons of confidence and lots of friends... now look... he took away my confidence and has now started to work on becoming a cop (he said he always wanted to anyway, I just pushed him more) and now he's into FITNESS??? It's like he is stealing my life away!!!

 

I dont understand why he wants to hurt me so much...

[Hope75]

Is he on this forum?

[Irishgurl]

No, another local one.

[Hope75]

He could be putting up a front to try and convince himself that he's ok, or if he knows you are on this forum also, he could be trying to show you that he's fine without you. He might be Ok, or maybe not. Not knowing the situation or how long you were together, or why you broke up, it's hard to say.

 

Can you give us a few details? Need something more to go on.

[novaseeker]

It sounds to me like he is doing some of the things people ought to do when they break up and end a relationship. Taking up new hobbies and interests, setting personal goals and working against them, perhaps spending more time at the gym ... these are all more or less textbook coping strategies for healing after a breakup. It doesn't mean he is over you at all, but it means that he is taking steps to take care of himself during a period when he needs to heal and start to move on.

 

I hate to say it, but you would be better off not worrying about what he is saying and doing, and taking care of yourself. If you find him on that same forum posting and things like that, don't go there. That may seem unfair because it cuts you off from the forum, but the reality is you have a choice between leaving that forum aside, on the one hand, and going there and seeing him and getting agitated and upset, refocusing on him, and thereby impeding your own ability to heal your own wounds. Take care of yourself during this time, and your own need to heal.

[Irishgurl]

it's ok... I dont feel like explaining the whole situation, I'm just hurt at what he said.

 

Thanks

[ratherbesailing]

Irishgurl -

 

It is just part of his fantasy. You are going to drive yourself crazy if you try to figure out what he's up to, it doesn't make sense because he's in never never land. Avoid the other forum he's on, avoid anything to do with him. He's bad, you're good.

[Jut]

it's ok... I dont feel like explaining the whole situation, I'm just hurt at what he said.

 

Thanks

 

I think he is trying to move on but trumpting it around on a blog or a forum IF he knows you read it is somewhat childish. But in any case, what is stopping you to better yourself? COncentrate on your fitness, work towards becoming a cop(which you always wanted to). This will make you get concentrated in one direction and keep you off worrying about your ex, plus you will look hotter than before, although i am sure you already are. Plus if tomorrow he sees that you did not get bogged down by the break up his respect would increase for you.

[Irishgurl]

thanks guys n gals... yeah it was a brutal morning but after talking with a couple friends, I decided what I need to do. So he is out of my life and it broke my heart... now it's time to move on and start doing the things I put on hold to make him happy.

 

Like WyseOne said to me "he didn't take your life, he gave it back the day he walked out that door". How true is that!!!

 

I'm getting too old to let this affect me. lol.