9 Months N/C - 1st Contact Initiated by Ex

[DaisyMN]

Yep, just over 9 months it has been. I posted just recently about dinner with the ex and his family this past Saturday and have other posts as well explaining the situation.

 

Not once has he initiated any sort of contact besides once in late April after we had seen each other for the first time since we broke up in Feb. This only came after I called him a week later and asked him if he wanted to do something and he said thanks for asking, but maybe some other time, but then ended up calling me after he had a few drinks. It was just a booty call and when you're that vulnerable it hurts. He didn't know what he wanted. Looking back now, probably a really good thing because I was not healed and not strong and would have taken crumbs if they were thrown my way.

 

I didn't really make much contact with him at all after that (maybe 3 times in all) and would see him occasionally because of his family and to which I realized this was not doing me any good. Began serious NC in August to heal and get myself back. Not a peep from him and hadn't seen him until the dinner this past Sat.

 

Well, got the contact that I never thought I would ever see happen - a text last night around 11:00 just saying "Hi." I knew that if he did contact me, that's all he would say. I was aware he changed his cell phone #, didn't know what it was, but I know from the area code that it was him. I just responded back "Hey-who is this?" Because I wanted to know if he would acknowledge it was him. His response was "Hugs and kisses." I then just responded back "...still in the dark?" Well, I didn't know what else to say because he didn't say who it was. Didn't get a response back, but at 3:00 this morning, got a call from a blocked number and I answered it (my best friend is the only one who does this and I called her this morning and it wasn't her) and they hung up and less than 10 minutes later, it rings only once and ends, but it's the blocked number again. Is this normal for exes to do the blocked number thing??

 

Anywho, I'm telling you, I was last person who thought I would have this happen to especially after this amount of time. I knew that contact would be made by the ex for everyone else on this forum and never thought I would post about this. I will say exactly what I have been reading for the past several months: when you let go, focus on you and you're new life, for some reason that's when it happens. When you can do just do nothing for now and don't need to and let things happen, that's when you can deal with it because life can be good again with or without this person.

[Dannysgirl]

Who ended the relationship and why?

[DaisyMN]

He ended it. He told me he no longer loved me and that he wasn't sure if he ever loved me. It was a bad break up. Definitely not something I want to endure again if I can help it.

[Dannysgirl]

He ended it. He told me he no longer loved me and that he wasn't sure if he ever loved me. It was a bad break up. Definitely not something I want to endure again if I can help it.

 

In that cause I would continue NC and not pick up those calls. I think he's probably just looking for a booty call again and wants to see if he still has power over you. If he's single right now it would probably be a huge boost to his ego to learn that you still care - so don't give him the satisfaction!

He said he never loved you but now he's coming at you with this 'hugs and kisses' BS? and he won't even acknowledge that its HIM who's calling?

 

What an idiot, you are well rid of him. In my opinion all this is, is him feeling a bit lonely and wanting sex and sympathy and afterall, you loved him and are 'a sure thing' aren't you?

 

Ignore him and play dumb, he'll get bored and start bugging someone else. Besides all this at least you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you didn't give in this time and he will know he ended up looking stupid.

 

 

[DaisyMN]

Yep, I going to lean towards you on this one. I'm going by my mistakes with handling this situation in the past and it's not going to be the same this time. I can't believe how I let myself be treated. I'm not being fooled again.

[Dannysgirl]

Yep, I going to lean towards you on this one. I'm going by my mistakes with handling this situation in the past and it's not going to be the same this time. I can't believe how I let myself be treated. I'm not being fooled again.

 

Great! If he does eventually start texting you saying 'its me' etc I would just not text back at all, otherwise he might start waxing lyrical and you might let yourself get drawn into the whole thing again. Don't let it get to that point just ignore him completely from now on.

 

So glad you can see what an idiot he is..

[NR498E]

when the ex says i dont love you anymore and/or i never loved you.thats usualy bogus.there just trying to get rid of you because you wont let them go.sometimes people just need time,however if hes really intersted in you hed be a man about it and talk to you for real.otherwise hes just being a jerk.

[DaisyMN]

Thank you

 

I was thinking about this and it is kind of a crappy thing to do to jerk someone around when all you've been doing for the last three months of complete NC is just trying to move on, better yourself, and live you're own life and letting them lead their own. It's hard for me to understand why somebody would want to continue to try to lead you on and hurt you when you haven't even been a part of their life in all these months and been nothing but understanding even when dealing with your own pain. It just seems really cruel and selfish. I mean I have no clue as to what his intentions are. I'm just tired of worrying of what they are and trying to guess. I've never once put any blame on him on the random occasions when we spoke and kept away from the relationship topic unless he brought it up and I always made sure I was listening to what he had to say and never defended myself because if I could learn from it, then better for me. I knew that I had stuff to work on to make me a better person and am willingly doing just that.

 

I mean come on, how long is this cycle going to last? Will you ever be completely free of this? It's one thing establishing a friendship with an ex and knowing the boundaries, it's another when there are mixed signals left and right-I have never experienced something like this before-I pray to God that I don't again.