sinking feeling

[appleberry]

That feeling... that sinking feeling. When my gf doesn't pick up my calls or I feel like she's mad at me for certain things, I get that sinking, churning feeling in my stomach, my heart beats faster than ever, and they won't go away! I don't know what it is: anxiety? panic? Is there anything I can do about it? (other than talking to her of course since she won't pick up), because I can't function normally and can't concentrate whenever that happens...

[PocoDiablo]

Yeah, go out with some friends and stop acting so desperate. Trying to call her is very childish and is probably driving her away even more.

 

If you stop calling her she'll wonder what is going on. Sooner or later she will call you... simple.

[appleberry]

thanks for the reply. i sort of expected your reply because others have said the same thing. the only problem i have with that is:

 

if i dont call, wouldn't it make it seem like im insensitive to her feelings and not wanting to apologize. i always felt that that would drive her away just the same if she feels that i dont even care about making her mad.

[melrich]

Why do you feel like she is mad at you?

[appleberry]

not currently. i was referring to a hypothetical situation and events that happened in the past, where i knew she was mad at me for a certain thing (although very silly) but just wouldn't pick up or go online or reply to anything. i mean, i was left in a situation where i can't even explain myself

[Shadows Light]

Sometimes we women are very fickle moody creatures. Depending on the time of the alignment of the moon, stars and other things that go on in our lives... we may seem ticky. But it doesn't necessarilly mean that we are mad at you.

 

So don't go gushing appologies and look desperate like its all over with and done. Thats a turn off.

 

Sometimes we need to be left alone and with our own thoughts.. a simple, I love you is all we need. Or a I am thinking of you... or whatever to make us smile and laugh. Send me a joke, send me a funny, send me something uplifting... but don't go into a whole whoa is us.. are you leaving me, I can't live without you scenario.

[polaris]

Yes, it is anxiety/panic, to answer the original question, and while it's normal to be concerned to an extent when the situation arises, I know exactly the feeling your describing, and it's to do with a loss of control and a conditional obsession. All of a sudden, the person you think you can rely on to be there isn't picking up the phone, there isn't anything you're able to do about it, you panic as a result, and start trying harder, and can't concentrate on anything else.

 

Work on the control issue, and in particular develop a response away from the situation, which you can make yourself undertake in the situation almost like reading from a script, so that when the panic takes over, at least you'll have a behavioural remedy (such as going out with friends, as others have suggested) at hand. Over time, you'll find that the panic decreases when the situation arises, and you'll be able to relax more. It will also have the added bonus of making breakups slightly easier if/when they happen, although of course I hope you never need that.

[appleberry]

thanks for all the great responses polaris hit the nail on the head =P i like how you described it as a "conditional obsession." I think i definitely do suffer from that. i do believe it is a control issue once the panic takes over and while going out with friends is a very helpful remedy in theory, in practicality, once i start panicking, nothing is on my mind except trying to get a hold of her. (yes i know, that sounds very wimpy). But anyhow, behavioral modification is one way of handling it. Is there anything else that can have a faster effect? I was thinking along the lines of fast acting medications? like sedatives/anxiolytic drugs? i tried etoh once but i dont know if that works. maybe i should see a psych consult.

[needhelp]

Hi i get that same anxiety feeling all the time when my partner is mad or i think he is mad at me..its the worst and i end up acting like a freak with text messages...i would love a remedy aswell to take it away..its almost painful..