Helping a friend in need

[Goincrazy]

Background: I'm an incoming college freshmen. I have learned to adapt to my new, no one cares about you, environment. I'm the kind of person that can handle isolation, but I'm not sure a friend of mine is so good at handling it. I've known her for almost three months, the amount of time I've been up here for college. She has been living the single life for 5 months now. Even in such a short time, she has become one of my really good friends. I hang out with her and a group of other people about every day. She gets hit on all the time by guys on the internet and around campus, but I have always respected and admired her for her choices in guys. She has always rejected the "weirdos."

 

Lately, her life has been going through a downsloping spiral. Her brother is being sent to Iraq. Two of her good friends died. She got in a car accident and totalled her car. I can understand that misfortunes such as these can lead to emotional exhaustion and depression. Each event knocked her down, but she always managed to get up. I think she is tired of trying to get up. Now she has been taking an interest in guys that would normally turn her off. Her standards have been rather diminishing and she has been frequently bringing up her desire to get wasted and fool around with random guys....the kinds of things she has always been totally against. I have tried to help her cope with everything, but the pressure of it all has become too much for her. I wont deny the fact that my willingness to ensure her happiness may be partly due to the fact that I have feelings for her, but I also want to act as a true friend and stop her from making such rash, foolish decisions. My words do not seem to get through to her anymore. I do like her but I have decided to never pursue that interest for a few reasons: 1) I have never been so close to a girl with no physical contact and I value our close friendship b/c girls can offer different advice than guys. 2) Because likes to flirt, most of her guy friends have taken her actions as signs and tried to make a move on her without success, and I do not want to lose her trust by being like all her other friends. 3) She has gone through alot lately and the last thing she needs is a relationship to add more junk to the mix. I know this is long and confusing. It's hard to sum up everything, but any advice would be appreciated. I just feel, by being such a close friend to her, it is my obligation to look out for her when she is currently so vulnerable. Her problems have become mine. She is like a cousin/sister to me. What am I supposed to do?

[Lil R]

talk to her tell her how much she means to you and how your going to look out for her and if she needs anything your here. i think shes needs to know that someones here in relaity willing to help her through her struggles

[Alabama]

As Lil R said, just make sure she knows that someone is there for her. You don't want her to make a stupid mistake, ones that she has avoided for a long time. As you noticed, depression can really lower one's self-esteem. So, be there for her and show her what a good friend you are. Good luck.