Initiating Conversation

[trucker119]

Is it normal that I always initiate the first IM conversation with this girl I have been talking to for about 2 weeks now? I am moving closer to her soon and she has already invited me to go do some things with her. I kinda get the feeling of no interest when she doesnt ever initiate the conversation...

[Princess18]

U can never tell really

 

i speak to this guy i like alot on the internet and usually as soon as i come online he says "hiya love" to me. If he doesnt initiate the conv then im like OMG why isnt he speakin (he must hate me!!) an then i speak to him like "where r u?????".

 

try not sayin hello to her and see if she speaks- do this for a few days

if she doesnt maybe she doesnt want to - or ask her- say "hey why aint u sed anything to me?"

[Bethany]

Women like to be messaged first so please don't take it as a bad sign. It makes them feel like they are not interrupting anything and women can feel rejected if they message men first when they are busy. So when you initiate the convo first its a good sign to a woman. They feel wanted.

And I think its more what they say back when you do message them. If you get a hey baby! kinda tone back, she's been sitting there waiting for you to message her and if you get a plain hi or hiya and not much chat after it I think it's safe to say she's not interested.

[darkblue]

This is why I don't like IM.

 

You can't tell what her intentions are.

Maybe she likes to be IM'd first; maybe she isn't interested (you'll find out when you move closer to her); or maybe she surfs the web while on IMer and doesn't have the capacity to say hi first.

[anonymous_presence]

Sometimes it's just a habitual thing. If you've always been the first to say hi, then it might be awkward for her to initiate it for once.

 

There are many possibilities as to what's going on with her...

 

Maybe you can try asking about it in a non-threatening sort of way?

[trucker119]

Well the reply is kinda in the middle of "hey baby" and just a plain old "hi", she kinda makes it as "Hey, hows everything going?" And then we talk for like an hour...

[anonymous_presence]

If she talks with you for an hour, then that's probably a good sign. And the fact that she's invited you to places is another one. By the looks of it, she seems interested. I'd keep an optimistic outlook if I were you!

[trucker119]

We talk for about an hour but most of the time i am asking questions or making up some form of humor which she always tells me she likes.

[DropToZero]

You really want to 'test' her to find out, go a week or so without talking to her and see what happens. Get online, be available at times, then away at times too, but don't message her. In time, you'll find out depending on how she reacts. If she seems to be getting upset, she'll message you because she'll wonder why you're not messaging her. And if you've gone more than week without contacting her b/c she's not messaging you, trying IM'ing her first again and see what's up. See if she's just casual and doesnt seem to mind, or if she's like 'Where have you been! Why havent you msg'd me!' You'll get your answer...one way or another.

[anonymous_presence]

The problem with testing her by not being the first to innitiate the conversation is that it shows a lack of interest on your behalf. It can be received as discouraging for her to start talking to you, because normally people who don't converse are busy or something.

 

Also considering the fact that you've only been chatting with her for a couple of weeks, you're at the point when it's easy to lose touch with the person. Going a week off is like cutting off the relationship altogether.

 

Maybe it's just too soon to make a strong impression - closeness like that takes time to build.

[DropToZero]

The problem with testing her by not being the first to innitiate the conversation is that it shows a lack of interest on your behalf. It can be received as discouraging for her to start talking to you, because normally people who don't converse are busy or something.

 

Shows a lack of interest? Uh huh...I'm pretty sure if he's been online and messaging her every single time for the past couple of weeks, that shows interest. If I were him, I'd wonder why she isn't ever messaging him first because I think that shows a lack on interest on her part. Anyways, I think that right there shows she's not really all that interested if he has to message her first every time. That's why I suggested he try testing her and being a little laid back about the whole thing.

 

And trust me, if she's interested, she'll do what I said. I did the same thing with a girl I met on AIM thru a friend on campus(long story). I would flirt with her all the time(like he does), and she'd laugh and we'd talk for an hour or so about nothing. Then I would end conversations and leave...and even without meaning too, I went like 3 days without msg'ing her first and she began to msg me first, a lot, I mean she wanted to talk every single nite of the week and was getting mad b/c I would come online and be on for like 5 mins and had not msg'd her yet. So yea, to the original poster, if she likes you, she'll msg you, if she doesnt, then she won't and you're just friends...like said, you'll get your answer no matter what.

 

If you want to be a little safe, then go ahead continue what you're doing and wait another week before you try and 'stop' msg'ing her. In my opinion tho, you've showed enough interest and you're going to scare her off with too much attention. It's your choice, but don't worry about what's goin on in her mind about the situation, that's her problem, not yours. You just worry about yourself and keep goin with your life and meeting other girls etc...

[trucker119]

ok i will try it

[trucker119]

ok i have a little update here. I tried not talking for about a day and a half now and she still has not intiated any type of convo. I even tried doing it multiple times during a week. But once I intiate it, we go right off flirting and talking for about an hour. I still have not gotten her number cause i dont feel comfortable asking for it now. When I move closer, I told her i would invite her to my parties. Her bday is coming up, and I dont know what I should do that will get her attention. I dont wanna jump the gun and send a gift, and I dont wanna be cheesy and just tell her happy bday.... I dont know what to do?

 

thx

[trucker119]

any advice would be appreciated

 

thanks

[DropToZero]

I already said you could try waiting longer than a couple of days, it won't hurt anything. If she asks why you haven't talked to her, just say you've been busy. Anyways, for her b-day, if you want to get something, try these online e-card type things. I got one from a friend that couldn't give me a present, so she sent one, I dont know exactly where to find them, so do a search somewhere. But they're just kinda like a birthday card, or an email sent with a link in it to see the card, and the person can read what you've written on it.

[trucker119]

ok thankyou