This is a long one!

[Ifeelsick]

I have been dating my ex for 4 yrs, and as far as I was concerned we had a great relationship.We never had issues nor did we ever break up before. Here comes the stupidity. About 4 months ago I got angry over something she did and decided to break up with her because I was hurt but mostly mad. When I told I wanted to she started crying, begging for me not to leave her(I never seen her cry like that before). So I did set guidlines that we both need to work on and we were fine. About 1 1/2 months ago I got mad over something she did(really small but I was mad) and decided to break up with her. This time no crying but she was hurt. The next 2 days after she asked for me to come over and watch a movie which I did. The 1st time I went over I sat on a bean bag and she sat on the bed, she asked if I wanted to cuddle and I said no. Once the movie finished I got up and left. Before I walked to the door she asked for a hug, which I gave her and went home. 2nd time was the exact same thing, bean bag, bed, finshed movie I leave. This time she asked for the hug but I told her I did not feel like it. I could tell I hurt her but I just had to do it. We are broken up right? Well a couple of days later she asked was I busy and if I wanter to come over for dinner. I said I was busy(which I really was) and told her not thanks. Well after about three weeks apart I finally realized that I wanted to be with her(this is the greatest girl in the world, she gave me compliments, we spent all of our time together, and we planned on getting married eventually. She treated me like a king, trully she did) I missed her so much that I would end the silence and the NO Call and went over to her apatment and told her that I wanted her and I will wait for her. She told me she was happy with her new life and she just wanted to be friends. I know shes saying this because throughout our four years together I hurt her a lot (no cheating, no force sex, no calling her a b$tch, nothing like that) I treated her good but I didnt give her all of me like she gave herself to me. I trully understand that that I hurt her bad and she doesnt want to be hurt again. This past week was her birthday so I decided that I would go all out, not because I wanted her back, just because the girl deserved the world. So I spent $1000 on her in gifts shopping sprees to Vicky secrets, nice restaraunt, surprise flowers and cookies delivered to her job etc... I just wanted to show her that this was her day and that she deserved everything and its all about her. I took her out to a nice skyline view of the city and a lake and read her a letter about how I f*&ked up our relationship and how I understand now how she feels and I trully appreciate everything she has done for me. She is such a special girl!!! She has not said she wanted to be with me or anything like that, Im not looking for it, I just feel like Im gonna die trying to show her that I do understand and appreciate this special girl. I feel I need to show her and not tell her how much she means to me and that Im changing my ways. This is a day by day process, but I realize that it is what is best for me personally no matter if we are ever together again, but if so, changing for our relationship. I need to give 110% in a relationship and to never get to comfortable. Am I foolish for trying??? I mean I feel like I have this obligation to myself 1st then to her 2nd to show no matter what happens she is a special individual, and I dont mind dieing trying. Like I said we never broke up before, so I feel like if I trully want her and love her they way I say I do, I got to be more than willing to do whatever it takes, because special people like this dont come around very often. Im lucky to just have been able to meet her as well as being in a relationship with her. I Love this girl more than anything and need to know other peoples opinion on the situation. dying to hear from anybody. Thanks

[RandomAdvisor]

Please edit your post for paragraphs. I'm hurting my eyes trying to read it...

[heloladies21]

Sounds like you are trying to convince yourself as to why you should be trying to win her back.

 

You need to stop blaming yourself for the break up. It wasn't your fault and she wasn't perfect. She made her mistakes and there was a problem in the relationship or else you wouldn't have broken up with her.

 

What you really need to do is stop trying to give her the world, let the situation calm down, and get control of your emotions again. The best way to do this is No Contact.

 

You've done what you can for now. If she's interested in something more with you she will let you know. Otherwise it's best to try and move on.

[Ifeelsick]

Im not convincing my myself, because I already know what I have to do. I just want other peoples views or expeirences on this topic. Man I trully understand your response, its just that it was my fault for the break up. It was not something I wanted to do, I just was so mad I made a decision out of anger, nothing more than that. How stupid that was! I do want to give her the world and I know that this sounds like Im being stubborn but its something I want to do, no matter what.

 

She really deserves it. Am I wrong for feeling like this? The way I see it, if you trully love someone, you should do whatever it takes to show it. I realize this now.

 

Yeah I was stupid before, and yes I did hurt her, and I probably will do something to hurt her again, but I know now that making decisions out of anger is the worst thing to do. I will respect her feelings and be considerate towards her needs. I was so selfish, I never thought about if she ever was hurt by my actions, or things I didn't do. I know I said I spent $1000 on her B-day, but lets get this straight for everybody else who reads this. It had nothing to do with money at all. Im not rich nor comfortable by any standards, it was something I know she would have done for me and nothing else.

 

I know I can give her the world without spending a dime. But thats just it, I never really spent money on her. She is a good Christian woman, who believes in no sex before marriage(which I respected). She can do anything for herself and does not need a man to do for her, which I didnt. I just spent money because it was the first step, I have other ideas in mind, which have nothing to do with money. It has to do with my heart, and how I feel about her. My love for her has no price on it. Its a genuine love that comes rarely in ones life. So I know that I have to do my part, because I know she would do it for me without a second thought.

[Ifeelsick]

Im the type of person who does not like to receive gifts, I love to give them. I dont need a thank you at all, because the expression on someones face is good enough for me. My ex grew up really poor, and she has had to make so many sacrifices for whats best for her family.

 

I spent money just because I knew its was something that knowone has ever done for her before. I spent money in the relationship on like fixing her car or paying for a small vacation, but besides that I didnt. I mean if we went to the movies or dinner or rented a movie, I paid just because I wanted to, and not because I have to much muchismo to let her pay.

 

She paid for things from time to time, but like I said with her family situation, her money went a lot towards her family. I also paid for her to get into a apartment at the last minute, just so she could get away from those same family members. It had nothing to do with money, but with peace of mind for her, as well as happiness and some quiteness.

 

I wanted her to see that no matter what she's been through, that she is a strong person for going threw it. I wanted for her to come home everyday from work and school and say" this is my home, and Im doing this by myself." Its like a confidence builder for finally getting out of her mothers house. She is a hard worker and I knew that once I put the money up, she would not let me down. as well herself.

[jenny_mcs]

ifeelsick-

 

I read your posts and I can see that you have a lot of regrets about the way things happened.

 

Although I normally think no contact is the way to go, your case might be different, since you feel that she put so much more into the relationship than you did, and also that she was the one making an effort (asking you over for dinner and movies, asking for a hug) when you broke up with her.

 

You made your big statement with the gifts and dinner, and I'm sorry tha didn't go well, but I understand her perspective. When a woman feels like she has been ignored or neglected, sometimes big gestures like yours feel "fake".

 

I think what you can do is try in small ways to show her you care and are willing to make a real changes, the kind that will last over time.

 

For instance, if she is in school, send her an e-mail before she has a big test to wish her luck, then follow up, contacting her to ask how it went. If sh eworks, ask her about her job. Ask questions about her life, her family, her firnds. If you see an article about a band she likes, or a review of a movie she might enjoy, e-mail her a link.

 

Expect nothing in return. Do it to show you care about her.

 

She might have already made her mind up, but if you try now, at least if it is really over you will know that you did try your best.

[Ifeelsick]

Thanks. I needed someone to see where I was coming from. And I do trully regret the way I acted in our relationship. I do realize that the whole big spending birthday may come off as being fake, I just want her to know and everybody else outhere it was straight from my heart.

 

I know theres the possibility that it might be to late. I can deal with that. My thing is that no matter what I want her to see that I trully do care for her no matter what.

 

Shoot to be perfectly honest, my intentions for her B-day was to ask her to marry me. I had the ring engraved and all. I know the person that Im, and I have always been the type of person to always wanted to make sure that if I ask you to marry me, I truly mean it, cause Im not gonna just be asking people to marry me in every relationship I'm in. Its because the love, respect and appreciation I have for that special woman is genuine, nothing more than that

 

Its not about that I bought a ring that I might never be able to give her. Its that I want her to know that I care for her and worry for her so dearly, words cant describe the feeling.

 

I was selfish in our relationship, that I didnt want to share my candy. I wanted all my candy to myseld. I used to think it was okay to be jealous and act this way because I thought it showed her as well as me that I care for her. No!!! It was my insecurity and stupidity and immaturity getting in the way of my feelings for her. This happened a lot in our relationship. She probably thinks that I didnt realize it, but I do. She brings joy and happiness to so many peoples lives that she doesnt understand that through her pain, someone becomes happy. And that through someones happiness, someones got to be hurt, unfortunately her.

 

I realize this now. I realize that through the 4yrs together, while I was hurting her and putting her through pain, I was happy. I was so selfish. I guess its my time for pain, and for her to happiness. She really deserves it. I hope she can see that I trully feel and believe from the bottom of my heart that I can be the one to bring her happiness, only if she is willing to trust me again and know that my intentions now are for a mutal happiness and not just about me anymore.

[Ifeelsick]

I want this special woman to know as well as the rest of the world to know that I cry for her. I cry because I know if I was given a 2nd chance that I know I wont f@ck it up.

 

I cry because I know I hurt you. I cry because I know you dont want to be hurt again by me or anyone. I cry because I dont want you to make a decision in fear of getting your feelings hurt again. Make it because its what your heart tells you. I cry because I love you. You know me the most and know that I dont cry for no reason.

 

I cry because Im dying for you to call me pookie bear. Yeah thats right "POOKIE BEAR". I dying to call you "POOKIE". I cry because I feel like Im not whole. Shoot I dont feel like 50%. I cant eat. Havent eaten in 2 days. My heart really hurts. I mean real pain, it hurts.

 

I cry because you have cried, and thats something I will never let happen again. I cry because I have seen you blossom from a confused teenager to a mature and admirable young woman. I admire you for all that you have accomplished, and will accomplish. Dont get down on yourself because things are taking longer than you expected. GOD didnt feel it was the right time for you to finish. You know what Im talking about.

 

I cry because Im not spending the night with you cuddling, listening to snore, and yes you do snore. I cry because I dont get to watch you asleep. You are beautiful inside and out.

 

I cry for you because I want you to know that I long for the day when GOD willing we can be back together. Look, I know that you are afraid of me. Not afraid because I will hit you or anything like that, but afraid because you fear I will hurt your heart. I know you dont want to be back in that situation again. Trust me I dont want it either.

 

I cry for the woman whom I looked forward to calling my wife. And yes it was coming real soon. I dont want to marry you because I feel that I know you will be mine. NO. I want to marry you because my heart and mind are working together on saying that I have the most special person in the world. Yes you are human, and yes you make mistakes, but thats why I love you, because you are real person.

 

I cry because I kinda dont think you dont believe that Im crying. I know you dont want to trust me and think the gifts were just me trying to get you back. They werent. You deserved them and much much more. I know that I have renigged on things before. I know that Im fine today and a pain tomorrow. I know that your heart has suffered from enough. so why would you want me.

 

Look, I want you and the whole world to know that Im crying at this very moment writing this. I want everyone to know that this girl that Im crying about is special. I want everyone to know that my love for her is undying, unconditional, no appetite, cry myself to sleep, think about her all day everyday, will you marry me, Im down on my knees beggin you please, can I grow old with you, the only way I'll ever leave you is if I die love.

 

To the world out there, it may seem like Im so dependant on this woman for happiness. Your probably thinking that I need to have a closer relationship with GOD. Your probably thinking damn stop crying and get over her. Your probably saying this is one long reply to your own replies, I say to the world that my relationship with GOD is growing on a day by day process. Im not dependant, I just know that there is not another woman out there who could give me the feeling about love like my POOKIE BEAR has given me. I know it sounds clee-shay but its true, you dont realize what you had until its gone. I now realize, understand and appreciate it to the fullest of what I had.

 

I had the greatest human being on the face of the earth. This is how I feel. The most precious jewel known to this man. The sun when I wake up, and the moon when I go to sleep. She is my air. I cant breath right now because I dont have any oxygen. Just remember what you told me" the whole part of forgiving is starting over" so give me a 2nd chance to trully show you and the world that if given the oppurtunity, I will not screw this up. And that the next time I come on this website, it will be to update the world that we are married and happily in love.

 

I dont think you ever knew that I felt this way about you. I do!! Trully from my heart I DO!!! I hope and pray that you will never have to question my love and my loyalty towards you. N.M.B I LOVE YOU. 143

[Jamaican_beauty25]

Hi Bro-in-law this is your sis-in-law i read what went down and i am sorry to see four years go like that. I on the other hand is thrilled that you feel that way about her, just give her time you know how she feels about you you and it's not easy to throw so many years ago, trust me. Probrably this gives her some time to think about not spending another four years just being your girlfriend and if she treats you like a king during the relationship why did it take breaking up for you to make her feel like a QUEEN? Is it going to take another couple of years for you to marry her? that's the ultimate question. Good luck to you and please my sister deserves it.

[Bethany]

Buy 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' and see where you have gone wrong and how you can put it right.

[Ifeelsick]

Thanks for considering me your bro in law. I do realize what I was doing wrong, and I know now that if given the chance, I know what not to do, and that is not give my 110%. She is special and she deserves to be treated that way. I know I was a jerk, but lets get this straight, Im not a jerk no more.

 

Its a day by day process, but Im learning about myself and understanding the person I want to be as well as for her to want. I know one of the first things is to be patient. Its the hardest thing in the world, but if I care like I say I do, its just something I have to do. I have to give her space to see what she wants, I hope that is me.