How Do You Get Over This??

[lizzy22]

I haven't talked to my ex in 4 days. It's been really tough, but we both got in a huge fight, and I think it may be over for good.

 

He was really verbally abusive and called me names, and would hold grudges forever, even if I was truly sorry. I did give him reason sometimes to be upset, but I definatley didn't deserve some of the words and temper he would give me.

 

My question is, how do you get over the idea and thought that they may, or will be in the future, with someone new, and she may be treat him so much better. He is an actor in los angeles, so he is constantly on sets with beautiful women, and even though he had a temper, it still really hurts me to think of this.

 

I keep thinking, "will this woman be all that I wasn't?" Will she make him yell at her the way I did? I guess I just have to think that no matter who the woman is, he will verbally abuse her too given time.

 

How do you get over that wrenching feeling of your ex being with someone else?

[novaseeker]

He sounds like a total ass. I would say good riddance. Never blame yourself for being verbally abused like that. You didn't "make him" do anything ... he's responsible for his outbursts and his unwillingness to control them and his abusive attitude and actions. You can do much better than this one. Good riddance indeed.

[Jinx]

she may be treat him so much better. He is an actor in los angeles, so he is constantly on sets with beautiful women, and even though he had a temper, it still really hurts me to think of this.

 

My opinion, she can treat him like a king but does it honestly matter? Not really. If he holds grudges, is verbally abusive and short temper sooner or later she'll be in the same boat you're floating along in right now.

 

His actor ego might just be his downfall too, that might be but portion of the whole why he acts as he does. Certain people earn a position which they believe is important and let it go to their head. This may be symptoms of that very scenario.

 

Nonetheless, my outlook is, any man or woman whom verbally abuses their partner isn't worth the time nor the effort. The only thing it is going to do is end up hurting you in the end. He may come back begging and pleading if he gets lonely but you already know the true him. If he finds someone else, you're dropped. He'd probably do the same procedure with this new person too. People that are like that don't usually see the light until something major massive happens that they feel obligated to do so.

 

What you really need is NC policy. It will hurt, but what will be worse in the end? You being constantly stressed and wounded by his words (and maybe even temper someday if he believes everything will slide and you'll come right back) and your self esteem eventually hits the rocks -OR- leaving him with the what if's but to eventually move onward finding another man who does not verbally abuse and is rational in behavior.

[Shadows Light]

You didn't "make" him do anything. You are not responsible for his temper. And for his outburts. Don't take that responsibility.

 

I'm speaking from experience. My X said.. he did't need anger managament. I was the cause of his anger. Bully for him. Glad he's cured. I did him a favor. Funny...but he still seems to be having outbursts.. and hmmmm I'm not around. hmmm.

 

He blamed me for all his temper tantrums. In some way shape or form.. I took the wrap for all of his troubles. It was all "my" fault. And gee.. when he raped me.. he said.. "Look what you made me do"...

 

So darln.. count your blessings. Its not YOUR FAULT. And he will surely continue on this path with someone else. And you know what... why should you care. You need to wipe the dust off your feet and never look back. You didn't cause him to be this way. And you can not fix him. Only he can do that... and those type of behavioral changes.. are TOUGH.

Doable.. but Tough.

 

Continue with the NC. And give yourself time to breathe and heal. Day by day it gets easier.

[lizzy22]

Thanks everyone for your posts.

 

I'm taking it day by day.

 

My ex emailed me yesterday after not talking for 4 days after our huge fight, and he simply said,

"Hi, how are you. Hope you are ok. You know I love you.."

 

I just responded with, "im doing well, hope you are ok." That was it. That was yesterday morning, and he hasn't called or anything.

 

Its easier when he doesn't call, because Im finally looking at it as officially over, even if in his mind he is still trying to play games and string me along.

 

I have his birthday present still, and his parking pass, which in our previous fight he told me (see first post) to keep the gift and shove the pass up *****! those were his exact words, and yet I still wanted to give them back in person, so Thurs I text him saying that I was in his area if he wanted me to stop by and drop them off. he said hang on to them, we will do it later."

 

I don't want to see him "later" anymore. The more time thats past, the more I realize that nc is the best thing. Even that little email he sent me brought up my emotions again.

 

I just feel like leaving his stuff on his porch, telling him to leave me alone, then not talking to him for a long time.

 

I don't know what his intentions are, whether he feels we are over too and just wanted to check on me or what.

 

I just want to move on with my life without this verbally abusive man, even though I miss him and love him very much. Its hard because I am always thinking that he is already with another woman, but like you all said, he will treat her like crap eventually too IF she allows it, because he will never change. He is 34, and thats why he is still single! =)