she chose him :(

[novaseeker]

Well that speaks volumes ... namely, that this has all been about her. Her feelings, her needs, the vicissitudes of her life.

 

I agree. She told me more than once that she was a taker, not a giver. Why couldn't I just 'hear' that?

 

Bah, don't beat yourself up about things like that. We all let things like that go when we are in the process of getting to know/falling for someone. Just learn from it and move on, and I think you're on the right track now, it seems.

[patience]

Here is my update regarding this woman...I posted in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships

 

A woman I was dating has contacted me, we met up, and she asked if we could try again, friends first. I am still attracted to her. I still like her. I'm am not willing to 'rush' into anything though. (we dated for three months, she broke up with me over the phone last month, I went into NC right away)

 

This woman often ran hot/cold with me in the past, so I was really hesitant to agree to try again. I told her that I am willing to get to know her again, but that I want to go slow, not just jump right back in, and I told her to give me a call when she wants to see me again.

 

I know from past experience with her that 'chasing' her doesn't work (she runs when she feels chased), so I thought that telling her to call me was a way for me to avoid making an idiot out of myself by chasing her, plus, she'll have to do the work of picking up the phone and risk getting rejected.

 

What do you think? Did I do the right thing here? Any suggestions?

 

[xenakis]

Sorry to hear that.

 

If she was cheating on you then don't be friends with her. She didn't respect you. Although, a lot of girls will do that. I don't know if they are scared to hurt us or what, but in my experience it seems girls will do anything to build a wall between you and her when they want to break-up. And, they start building it without telling you. Then ask to be friends???

 

I wish my ex's could have came clean with me and simply told me they didn't want to be in a relationship instead of dropping ever sublime hints that end up making you persue in hope and looking like a jerk in the process.

 

My ex also said she wanted to be friends. Then I called her a few times, but she said we are communicating too much. After a few months of Non-communication, a few months during which I would always think of her, I call her again and she tells me it's "old hat".

 

I have one ex who was honest with me. All the way through, we always talked about our feelings and were always very honest. Now, we are best of friends. I never lost trust in her because she always told me how she felt. The real things.

 

All girls should be like this. Guys too...

[xenakis]

I think you did the exact best thing to do. Never just jump back in. Getting to know the other person anew is good. You have to treat this as a new relationship.

[nadine_3110]

You don't need her. It sounds like she just wants to keep you around in case her ex breaks up with her again. Just show her that you won't wait around for her, that you're not just some doormat, that you're better and worth more than that.

[patience]

I'm not sure at this point what she really wants. I am being super cautious. I think she'll call soon (within a week) if she is serious about reconnecting. She seemed serious about being in my life, time will tell. I am paying more attention to her actions this time around. I used to fall for her words, which is a mistake I won't make again. I am not going to call her either. I'm going to stick to not initiating contact in any form with her. If she wants to spend time with me, she knows to call me. I have to be strong and keep my wits about me, and not act like a puppy around her. She knows that I care about her. I'm going to sit back and let her do the work right now, because otherwise I'd be setting myself up for being used/taken advantage of big time!