When they say its just a break .....

[RobbiGee]

Hey all,

 

My girlfriend recently said she needed time away from me to sort her life out. We met at university and had 14 wonderful months together before we graduated. In sept. last year she joined the police force, at the time we were both looking for a career unfortunately I found one at home and she joined her local police force (we live about 2 hours away).

 

While she went through 3 months of training we got on fine, she had weekends off so we saw each other then and just chatted during the week. However when she started working shifts things started going wrong, we still saw each other but she was left so tired she felt she couldnt see me as much as before, but, instead of telling me she just went with it until it was all too much.

 

She insists that it isn't over forever and that she still loves me but that she needs to give her career ago, her mum split with her dad when she was little, her mum had no career and so was left with nothing, I think my g/f fears that and thereforeeeeee needs to do really well in her police job.

 

The question I have is how do I handle this "break", we "broke" 3 months ago now and I've been up and down since then, one week we speak 4/5 times the next just once. I've tried asking her but she just says I need to put her to the back of my mind for a bit! Anyone reading this will know how hard it is so what do I do, just not contact her at all and risk losing her forever, or handle the bad feelings I have and let her do her thing ?

 

Feel free to MSN/ICQ/Priv message.

[Heretic]

She does in fact just need time and the break has a good chance of being temporary, unless you smother her. If you give her space a time she will appreciate that. Call her no more then once a week (unless it's something urgent) and ask her if there's anything you can do to help make her life a bit easier. Listen to everything she says after you ask that. It'll let you know were you stand.

 

At first it might be "If you wouldn't call as often" or "If you'd jsut be my friend" or "Give me some space that'd be great"

 

Eventually it will turn into "Yeah you know what I have been feeling a bit down *vent*" or "I could really use a good hug could you come up sometime"

 

There's a big difference and you might not even think it's the same person! The truth is most people do just need some space but if you're not giving it to them they're not coming back

 

Hope this helps.

[BazookaMike]

Even one call a week is way too much IMO. I know its tough but move on. The more you dwell on "lets take a break", the worse it gets. She's moved on, she even said to put her to the back of your mind. If a lady doesn't want you to think about her, that means she doesn't want you like that. This isn't the time to be her number-one fan, nether was three months ago. Calling an Ex so much so soon isn't good,. I know you like her as a person so leave it at that. you're digging to deep into it.

 

I hope your paths cross again sometime, but like you said you live 2 hours away. If you don't move on, she's going to break it all off eventually. So get over it, who knows when you could use an extra friend.

 

I was like you when I lost my EX, couldn't get over her and she knew it. But she always worded it in a way that sounded like we'd get back someday. She was only trying to keep form hurting me. I was to aggressive contacting her, she never could decide on things. I thought this was on of those times, it wasn't. That relationship was to much a for both of us, but mostly me. Eventually we both blew-up and were not in the position to talk anymore.

 

That's why its important to not try so hard for a life companion, don't put yourself on the line like that. Just go with the flow, keep them as an future acquaintance. Don't raise the stakes so high. Start as friends stay as friends, not all girls go for that. But why would anyone want to seriously date one that wasn't.

 

Sorry man, she's needs to be gone from your mind. Don't even mess with this one anymore. If you do you will be left then even less than you have now. Its hard to believe, but trust me on that.

[RobbiGee]

Funny thing is it isn't hard to believe at all, to be honest I know it but I have the will power of a dead goat and so I find writing this stuff down stops me from writing it to her.

 

Its made harder by the fact that when I dont contact her she contacts me and gives it all the "love you lots" or using pet names etc.

[Heretic]

Heh, you gotta love the pet names.

 

What she's doing is leading you on. She wants to makes sure you're around just in case she made a mistake. She will always want you to know there is that slight chance you'll get together again, so you don't get into anything too serious.

 

It's sad to say it but relationship are games. You have to make the right moves and play by the rules. Innovation is always a good idea, but nothing too radical. Like in every game you need skill, mostly dependant on experience (that's where this site comes in handy) and a little bit of luck.

 

Keep on your toes and jump on opportunities to get ahead... just don't seem to anxious.

 

I hope this helps.