Been suspicious....HELP!!!

[Bubble]

My husband has always been very hard working. He got a new position in his company and has put all of his efforts into doing a good job. It has been getting worse over the last 6 months. He stays up late, gets up after I have gone to bed, has been distancing him self from me and our 3 children, and to make things worse he has been less interested in sex. Over the last few months I have found a strange substance in his pants. He says that he has no idea what it is and swears that he would never cheat and hurt me or our kids. What makes me suspicious is that it is only in his work pants.....never in his casual clothes that he wears around the house or on the weekends. Is there any possible chance that it is not what I fear it is. I don't want to think that my husband would throw away 15 years together and risk our children hating him. My father was a cheater and he has seen what his actions have done to our relationship. Can anyone help me?

 

Bubble

[hoppy26]

well....i can reassure you that if he is cheating and it does end your marriage....(believe me i hope this is not the case) then he will have to live with that for the rest of his life. i was 13 when my father "left"(cheated) and i am 26 now. i still to this day havent totally forgotten him for his actions. he didnt just wreck a mairrage, he wrecked getting to watch us all grow up. he has to live with that everyday.

i wouldnt want that to carry around with me for sure.

im sorry you are unsure. try to figure this out....maybe see if you can identify the "stuff". are you talking "man stuff?

[segagirl]

Hi bubble...so sorry to hear about this, and I can only imagine the amount of stress it is causing you. The best course of action is to talk to him about how you feel. More so to talk about his distance, his not spending time with you or the kids, and see what he says from there.

Given the fact that he does have a new job, it could indeed be causing him some extra stress, and people do start to pull away when they have no energy left. My concern is, usually when we start to think something is "going on".... we are usually right, you have to listen to your gut response. You know your husband well enough to see the warning signs.

Talk to him in a calm honest way as to coax him into real communication. If he is having an affair and it is still going on, it is not likely he will tell you. What you can do is get him to open up about how he feels about your marriage, and how the two of you can rebuild something special.

[DavidPernod]

What was the strange substance?

 

And sadly, I'm afriaid time committed to a marriage means nothing these days.

 

Lastly, as the last post... if you think it is, most likely it is.

[Bubble]

Thank You for your replys......

 

I am afraid the strange substance is seimen. He tells me that he loves me and would never do this to me or our children. I am not stupid enough to think that he would admit anything at this point........All I know is that if I were thinking of going outside our marrage I would talk to him about it. When I try to talk to him about my fears he tells me that I am being stupid and worrying for nothing. I want to have faith in him and our relationship but my trust is fading fast.

 

Bubble

[babycristy456]

Well, i don't know anything about marriages, b.c. im not married or been with anyone for 15 years. but i know about men lying and cheating. The only advice i can give, is that u talk to him, and get him to talk to you and tell you why he is becoming distant. And tell him about your suspicions. I don't think that you should bother him further if he denies having an affair. But if u find any other solid evidence, then stand your grounds and trust your instincts. I hope i helped somewhat. I just don't have much experience with this subject but I am replying because I'm sensitive when it comes to lies and cheating in a relationship.

*LoTz oF LuCk*

[Texas Consultant]

This guy thinks he's cheating, and whether or not it's true, will blame disconnect in the marriage. From the tone of your text you sound like a more ebullient person, so he may be unable to commit to your level of articulated emotion and thereforeeee may be seeking something with no emotional attachments.

 

Personally, I think the best way to deal with a cheatin' husband is to pour whisky into him until he gets maudlin... they'll usually tell, because I doubt he has no feelings for you. Like someone wiser than me said in this thread, the first thing is spending time with the person... getting them back into interacting with you as a person and not someone you have to avoid (an authority figure).