Remorse at conscious mistake - how to reconcile it?

[anonymous_presence]

I know this seems kind of frivolous, but I was just wondering how to cope with those minor pangs of guilt you feel when you talk bad about someone and what you say gets round to that certain someone. I mean, it's not like you can excuse it by saying, "Oh, I didn't mean it," because if you didn't, then you wouldn't have said it in the first place, right? To denigrate someone is something that you only repent when you find out it has gone eschew and hurt someone's feelings, but otherwise, you walk away with a clean conscience. Does anyone else find that sort of perturbing, to think that our consciences are sometimes triggered only by consequence? Well that's why I'm finding it difficult to reconcile what I've said about someone, and I could just dismiss it as something out of character, or something I did on a whim, but I know that that's not right, because I meant it, so there's no taking it back. What does that leave me with? Do I just take this as a learning experience and vow to never repeat it?

[Jaela]

well, if it were me, I'd examine why I felt this way about the person. If they were for justifiable reasons, I wouldn't feel guilty feeling the way I did towards them. I would accept their flaw and be wary of it. If I felt anger or bitter at them, then I might need to work towards some kind of forgiveness with them within myself, if that makes sense?

 

I generally don't talk 'bad' about others for the sake of talking bad or gossiping. I try to check myself to make sure I have a good reason for saying what I am. If it gets back to them, it would be things I'd say straight to their face anyway. Why do you feel guilty about feeling something you mean? Be proud you had the guts to put a voice to that.

 

All right, I'm half kidding. You should refrain from talking nasty about anyone. Have you tried discussing the issue you have with the person in question in a calm manner, and not in a gossipy backbiting way? It would throw the issue out there for discussion, and perhaps help alleviate your feelings of guilt. I don't know the exact situation though.

[DiscipleOfChange]

An important thing to learn is simply not to talk, negatively at least, about others behind their backs. The truth is, however, that a great many people do it. There's an important lesson in this that I heard somewhere "Those that gossip with you gossip of you"

Of course, my personal opinion is that people are going to gossip about you anyway, but that's beside the point. While apologizing may seem useless (and depending on the severity of the remark it very well maybe) quite often it can make a difference.

I do know, from personal experience, that one shouldn't get in the habit of continually saying "I'm sorry" So, you should either get in the habit of not saying bad things about people or not caring what other people think or a bit of both.

 

 

Hope this helps

 

~Mark

[anonymous_presence]

Thanks for your advice! I guess I should have contextualized a bit more my hypothetical statement - I don't frequently gossip about people, in fact, I try to avoid it as I dislike being the victim of it. I'm not saying this out of any intent to exculpate myself, but what I did was largely out of character and I felt bad instantly the second it came out. There was no domino effect of gossip; the person I was talking about was there at the moment I said what I said (if that makes any difference). There are just some things that happen and you can't explain why, and you can try to claw at reasoning, tweak a few strings in the logic behind your actions, but no matter what, in the end all fingers wind up pointing in the direction of wrongfulness. I guess that's something that I don't deal with well, and I just try to say instead that I was depressed that day or withholding anger that came out at the wrong moment on the wrong person and stuff like that, but in the end I guess I just have to accept the fact that I've wronged (no point in justifying it), and I should assume responsibility for what I've done and apologize.