everything i WISH WISH WISH i could say

[SarCareBear]

sorry i just have to vent. how freaked would you be if you were the straight-girl recipient?

 

 

oh *, how did this even begin? you are one of my closest friends. from the first second we met it's just been intense as F***... i felt like just being near you was a huge connection for no explainable reason. and when we started talking, well, lets just say we couldn't stop. you were the first person i'd told some of my s*** to in a while, and some things i'd never told anyone before. something about you made me want to reach out. i didn't know what made me trust you, but i did. i do.

 

what kills me about you is how you think you're so unlovable; you're so self-deprecating. yet you desperately want love in your life. are you blind!?! the perfection you are striving for is a s***ty illusion, because you ARE perfect in the real ways and totally oblivious to it. you're smart and sensitive and vulnerable and unassuming. you're so beautiful and i wish me telling you this would make you believe it. however, i don't have that power over you.

 

*, i know you think you are in love with someone. i hate to preach, but it's just lust and wanting what you don't have, because you don't really know him as much as you've had conversations in school. and i'm not saying i judge you for this, because we've all done it, nor am i trying to downplay the depth of your emotions at all. You are without a doubt the most deeply sensitive person i know. and those emotions are a b**** to handle, worthy of countless hours of tears and thought and scribbling into journals. i'm just prosposing that perhaps you are blinded somewhat by your alternate reality, you have built it up to such unlivable expectations. reality tends to slap you in the face when you're unprepared, as i guess i'm slowly revealing.

 

so, how many other ways can i beat around the bush. i'm in love with you, *, and it's as raw and real as f***ing hell. that's right, with every part of me i want to stay up all night with you talking, and sometimes when that's just too much i just want to be able to touch your face and your hair and look into your eyes, i want to kiss you and wrap my arms around your body and come home after what feels like a thousand years of enduring a storm. i ache thinking about it. i want us to be extensions of eachother, to know eachother inside and out, the way we can only be if i tell the truth.

 

I have a compulsive need to be honest, though i know this confession could ruin everything. you mean too much to me to keep bullsh***ing you about the most important parts of my life. please don't be scared, i believe you can handle this though i'm sorry you have to. i don't know what is running through your head - why is she telling me this? f*** her, what business does she have unloading her burdens onto me? where does she get off thinking she knows me well enough to be serious about this s***? that last one especially i cannot answer. please don't hate me. god, i know how hard this is gonna be for you, (assuming you haven't made up your mind to cut me out of your life yet), but i want you to talk to me anyway. i don't expect you to feel any of this back, the only thing i want now is for you understand me and still respect me the way you did before you knew the truth.

 

forever, the girl who's said too much

[Penny1041]

I would be a lil freaked at first but I think once the inital shock wore off, I would be seiously thinking long and hard about this person who is saying they love me like that. How can anyone exclude any person, same sex or not, once they knew they loved you in a way only a few men do? I for one could not let this be the end of this persons confession.

 

 

Thats my two cents..

[anonymous_presence]

Wow... that's quite a letter, to say the least! It truly puts a lot of pressure on you, and puts you in a difficult position. You are entitled to all the time that you need to make any decision with regard to your future relationship with this person. It's difficult to be friends with someone when you know that they are thinking about doing more than just talking, but this person's feelings seem sincere. Clearly you're not expected to suddenly accept this person's desires, but you should deal with this honestly and as sensitively as possible. Tell her that you can't offer her what she wants, and that all you can be is a friend, nothing more. Just do whatever you feel comfortable with, and if it seems to awkward at first, then claim some time and space for yourself to think some more about it.

 

You really should take your time to seriously consider the ramifications of any decision you make. Consider both the impact it would have on you and the impact it would have on her. You should confront her when you're ready and have an honest discussion about where you stand.

[SarCareBear]

anon - its my letter. that i will never show her... alas, i think like you said it would be way to hard on the recipient.

[anonymous_presence]

Lol, oops Sorry, so so sorry.

 

Well, yes, it would admittedly be hard on the person receiving the letter, but there's some stuff in there that you can confide to her. For example, telling her about how she's an amazing person and how she doesn't appreciate herself enough would be well received. And perhaps she is wasting her time and energy on someone else because of her sensitive nature (though I'm not one to judge this). These are things that you can tell her, and she should probably know.

 

And you can tell her than you love her, just not in a romantic sort of way (the romance part is what would be too shocking to deal with). It's not wrong to admit that you love a friend, in fact, it would probably make the two of you closer. I understand why you'd want to tell her all this, but I just think it's too much in one go, you know? Ration it into digestible bites.

 

I don't know what type of person you are, if you're the type to confront people and just spill your beans, or if you more withdrawn and write things in letters, but perhaps a letter isn't the right way to go. The pro to writing a letter is that you give the person space and time to reflect what you've written; however, it also gives them the awkward task of approaching you to talk about it. If you talk about it in person, face to face, then it's more direct, less intimidating, and more sincere. However, discussing it could also be intimidating because the person is expected to react on the spot without any time to process the information. I personally think that talking about it is the preferrable choice, because when you give someone a letter, their minds tend to stray into the panic zone and they begin misinterpretting things and all.

 

I don't know what your intentions are - is this just about letting her know your feelings? And how would she react to this information? You said that she's sensitive, so does that mean that she might overreact to this? I honestly don't think that she would cut you out of her life - people don't just throw friendships away, especially not after finding out that a friend needs you more than ever - but just think about how she would react. It's not really a question about changes in respect or like - all that stuff will remain the same. The main concern for the recipient would be, well, what is expected of me now? What am I supposed to do about this? Those are things that you need to talk about, and tell her that there's no pressure involved, that you just want her to understand. Emphasize it. Make it clearly understood and unmissable. There's no reason for anything to happen to the friendship as long as you are honest and don't put pressure on her to change or anything.

 

I'm really sorry about misinterpretting your post. Hope everything works out, and keep us posted!

[Cadence308]

Wow, your letter is so honest! I am not a straight girl so I'm not sure how I would respond. It sounds like you have an aching heart to tell this female friend of yours how you feel about her. Are you thinking about telling her? Is that why you posted what's on your mind?

 

It is up to you. As someone said, you need to think about the ramifications of what could happen and how she would react. You have to decide if risking whatever you have with her over this. If it were me, I would do it. You never know what could have been!

[SarCareBear]

thank you everyone, for your input.

 

anon - the thing is yeah, i know this woul be WAY to much for anyone to handle at once, so even if i were to tell her i would simplify it and leave out a lot of parts. this is just a venting list of things i wish she understood.

 

basically, i'm saying i would never say this all to her. its just me being brutally honest with myself. although, i am MUCH more a written person than a talking out loud person, its just so much more my nature that i would probably turn to it if i wanted to tell her.

 

who knows, i might tell her someday. i only have one experience with this before, but me and that girl ended up crashing and burning. but i trust (sorry i can't say her name here i'm paranoid) a lot and have reason to believe she isn't exactly straight either.. and yes she is very sensitive so she invests a LOT of thought and care into all her relationships. we are very close, emotionally... she knows i love her "as a friend".

 

well, that's life right.

[amour_13]

SarCareBear,

I can relate to your feelings. I felt the same about my current girlfriend. I liked her for a year or so before I ever got the nerve to tell her how I truly felt. I wasted 10 months of that time on a guy I was trying to convince myself I loved so because it was "right" top be with him.

The only reason I told her was because of a rumor about us. I wouldnt have had the guts to tell her on my own. If you do... I think thats great. Like someone else said, if you decide to tell her... stress that you just want her to know the truth because you are such good friends. I dont think she will put you out of her life completely at least not forever, unless she is totally against homosexuality and maybe not even then.

You must assess if it is worth that chance though. Good luck, sorry I wasnt much hope and I wish you the best. PM me if you ever need to talk.

 

Luna

[UT]

No matter who's in love with you. you can't hate that person. If someone would tell them they loved me. guy or gal I would be flattered and couldn't be mad at someone because if that.

[wolverine_2000mx]

I know how you feel, yesterday I wrote a letter just like that, telling my best friend what I feel for him, but as you say, I was thinking in sending it to his mail, but then I had second thoughts and I didn't, I'm not sure what to do now, because I want him to know but, it could a lot of weight for him.

 

I personally feel better after I wrote it, because I can see how much I like him

[SarCareBear]

yeah , god it really just hurts so much.

 

why can't there be an easier solution!!!

[UT]

Well, I guess love wasn't meant to be easy. I had a crush on a guy in school but I never acted on it (because I was too afraid of what people would think when they saw the real me). Slowly, painfully my feelings died. I lost love, but look what I've gained. I was able to keep he false image of me as straight.