He hurt me; Few years later wants to take me out...

[lillady898]

There is this guy who used to live near me, but moved a few states away. He's recently coming through my state and has asked me to go out to a fancy dinner and then a movie. I told him maybe I could. Honestly, I don't really want to go out with him. He just seemed so psyched and he is a nice enough guy... I don't know how to tell him I don't want to without seeming mean. On the other hand, I just would feel so uncomfortable with him and I don't want to lead him on.

 

I haven't seen him in over a year, and apparently he really wants to hang out. He was the guy I lost my virginity to years ago. I really cared about him, but it was all wrong and he hurt me soon thereafter (drugs and alcohol problems). Since then, my attraction for him has gone away but his attraction for me has increased. He has even told me that he loves me and someday will marry me. It kind of scares me. Especially seeing as how I've recently broke up with my boyfriend a week ago and I am still trying to heal from that.

 

I just really don't want to hang out with him, but he keeps telling me how much it would mean to him... I just remember the look in his eye when he hurt me. He likely just realizes that this may be the last chance he has to win me over since we're so far apart, but I can't even imagine being with him because of our past. I know he may have changed, but he still scares me. I don't know how to let him down.

[guapa]

Let HIM down???

 

He let YOU down majorly before? So why do you care HOW you let him down. Tell him NO, you don't want to see him, are not going to have a relationship with him and are not going to marry him under any circumstances and that he had is opportunity before and messed it up!!

[Hello90]

I wouldn't see this man. It will only cause more pain than you allready seem to be in. He doesn't deserve you, he allready blew his chance. If you don't have the guts to tell him, I would simply not call him or answer his calls. Hopefully he will take a hint. Goodluck and feel better!

[sorryJason]

I would at least tell him why you don't want to see him, it sounds loke you are questioning if he could ever change. Some people do change, but others will never change.

 

If you are scared for you saftey or anything I wouldn't go, but I would at least tell him why you are not going. Also if you afraid if you tell him why you are not going he will get mad or do something, then yes, I wouldn't tell him anything.

 

Just though I should give you some perspective. I had a female friend that had the same situation as you. The guy had gone away for about 3 years, they met up again, he didn't phone her or anything, they just bumped into each other on the street. He asked her to go out for lunch, she was scared but when she talked to him, he seemed a lot different than he was 3+ years ago. She accepted and now they have been married for 5+ years! They are happy, or at least they were last time I saw them. I know it is a little different from you situation, but I just thought I should tell you why I said what I said.

 

definitely don't go if you fear for your safety! I just wanted to let you know that some people can change!