when is body contact more than friedly?

[charmed]

Hi Everyone,

 

I want to know when body contact is more than friendly contact.

I spent Sat night with a girl (the girl for those who know the story), and we embraced for the entire night. Of 7 hours, we slept about 2, and the rest we were stroking each others bodies - hair, faces, arms etc. There was no, sexual contact, but lots of intense eye contact. Now this girl is quite open and free, but I really think it was more than just friendly contact. She did comment that I was very "affectionate".

 

Even on our half hour taxi ride home, she was lying on my laps and playing with my hair, looking into my eyes. Whatever connection we make is astounding.

 

Can anyone shed som light on this?!

 

To make it worse, she went to meet ex boyfriend yesterday, to get back with him. She's not sure if she should, just knows that it was her fault they split up. I sent her sms telling her this : "Really confused by body contact last night, feeling real sad at mo" What's going on?

 

Not the smartest move, but I actually have felt since then (6 yesterday), like I am about to hve a complete panic attack at any moment.

 

I sent another later - "Sorry I said that in a txt - complete chicken S**t of me. Just feeling weird, thats all. Please say somethin. Sorry, I know you don't need this right now."

 

The first message was received, but the second wasn't yet. I really feel ill right now with worry, and so vulnerable.

 

Can someone please talk some sense to me - I need help.

 

Thanks guys,

 

Al.

[charmed]

Sorry - heres the link to the history.

I'm so nervous

 

Al.

 

link removed

[tobigahart]

Mate I think she may just be using you for comfort if she still loves her ex. The ball is clearly in her court in this situation. Ask for my opinion? She is doing what is right for her and not for you... and I think she is mistreating you BIG time. Your only way out ofthis is to talk to her and resolve this. It is clear as the light of day that she is sending signals your way! but if she's not willing to face the consequences (you falling for her) then she should'nt be doing this. I wouldn't worry too much about causing a rift between the two of you by bringing this out in the open, because its obvious she's openly flirting. Sorry but you're going to have to talk...

I apologise that I couldn't bring you good news (one of the downfalls of being honest all the time!) but I honestly believe it is in the best interest of you both to discuss what's going on. Don't feel down though, you might be surprised by the results... and if things don't turn out the way you hope, then at least you know what she was doing and you can move on in your life.

Hope it turns out ok

[charmed]

To Big A Heart,

 

Thanks - you make a lot of sense - funny, so do I normally, but right now Im useless - can't even breath properly !!

 

Perhaps she is messing with my head for her comfort. She really is a nice person, and I have not a bad word to say about her. If however you are right, and she was using me to get herself prepared to get back with her ex, then I will go heavy on her and make her pay. I'm very sensitive, and she knows that as I've opened up to her like no one before.

 

Also, (girls can you answer this ??) Could she want to get with her ex because it was he that dumped her?? She didn't want to get back with him until she saw him the other day - and I know he gave the impression that he was totally over her, and was happy with his decision to break with her. Cause I like her so much, it's hard for me to see anyone turning her down !!!!

 

 

I'm dying to talk to her about it - but she has still not turned her phone off since last night - shes very forgetful and has lost her charger a few days ago, so I'm not reading into that too much.

 

We do have a professional relationship that could suffer- but it's her that would suffer the most there. As you said, if she's not willing to face the consequences, she shouldn't have been playing the game, and that was her choice. That leads me to think that she does indeed like me a lot, but perhaps her ex more. I don't know how I feel about being second best, but I don't like to be put on hold like that. I know I should have brought this up the other night, and now wish I did - it would all be much clearer now had I done so.

 

In saying that, I also have the possibility that she is interested, and will not get with her ex, and though it's a small glimmer of light, I'm usually a worst case scenario sort of guy in these situations. The less surprises for me when they come, the better, cause my weakness is affairs of the heart - .

 

God - I'm gonna guilt trip her so badly if she's messed with my heart

I'm so hurting.

 

Al.

[sisterlynch]

What did you have in mind?

[charmed]

you've lost me sister!

 

What did I have in mind about what?

For a guilt trip?

 

She don't like seeing me sad - I know that, and I look sad really well if I want to. In fact, now that I think about it, I don't know what I will do there. Damn, she has me over a barrell all right

 

 

Al.

[pimpcess]

Hey Charmed!!!

 

Aww no, I don't like u bein sad

 

Now we've been kinda talkin and you seem nice and u do not deserve this sh*t. I think from the sound of it she's all playin mind games with u, and u so dont deserve that. Even if she is a touchy feely person, i take it she knows you like her, so she shouldn't be doin all this, she sounds very confused and she doesn't know what she wants. As 4 the girl question, it is true that some women (and men) chase things they know they cant have, I think its part of human nature, things u cant have a lot of the time seem more appealing. But that doesn't go 4 every1, so I cant categorise this girl. She's switched her phone off so I think she just needs space, and she'll respect u a whole lot more if u give her it, give it just a week or 2 so u can get ur head together and so can she and u can both work out what u need and want. I think the eyes are the windows to the soul and eye contact is such a powerful thing, I can imagine how your feelin now, but u have to be strong! Cuz then she'll realise your not 1 to mess with! But I think the main thing is space, chill your boots 4 a bit, look after number 1.

 

Dunno if that made sense at all but I hope everything works out 4 u my friend.

 

Oh yeah, and wasnt it you tellin me not so long ago that if u really make a connection with some1 then to try your hardest to not let it slip?

Good luck Dublin boy! xxx

[charmed]

The Eyes are indeed the gateway to the soul : I aggree.

We talked for hours the other night - about getting married, having kids, all sorts of stuff about life. Important relevant stuff, not just irrelevant conversation.

 

Fo the record, we were clothed for the night. The eye contact was intense. Again, I have a real problem believing that she is like this in general and I felt a genuine connection with her - which I'm pretty sure she felt too going on the way she acted, and her body language. I have been reading a lot about body language, and to say that it was all there - well it was. Tonnes of signs of interest everywhere. In saying that, how do I know for sure that she did indeed know that I was interested. I don't open up to just anyone like I did to her, and she hardly thinks I do? Could she?

 

The next time I see her will be Thursday evening - shes coming over to my place to do some work. I can wait until then to let her get her head together, but I am going to have to make a plan of action to keep my head above the water if I haven't spoken to her by that time. In saying that, I really don't think she will not contact me and just turn up then. thereforeeeeee, I guess she will have to contact me before then if she cares about sorting the mess out.

 

I feel a bit better at the moment - and its because of all you guys - really . I now feel that she has as much responsibility for this as I do. It took two to tango - and we were tangoing .If I loose, I loose, but I had to find out. The question is, will our working relationship survive - I know that I might have a problem there depending on what happens from now till Friday. Eitherway, I'm in the game now (it's not like I wasn't thought !).

 

Al.

[pimpcess]

U could tell her your interested, or just let nature take its course. If I waz u I'd wait and see what happens Thursday, but I think in the long run It'll be best if your straight with her.

 

Good luck!

[charmed]

I think that at this stage if she doesn't know I'm interested then shes pretty blind - in saying that, she can be silly so perhaps this is the case, even after the sms's.

 

I will of course tell her once I talk to her - no more sms crap though, but she should know after saturday night - I dont get affectionate with just anyone !!

 

Do you think she still may not know whats going on? Remember, I don't think that she received the second message yet - I never got confirmation delivery, so her phone is still off. It is possible that she just has no battery (genuinely), and that is the reason.

 

A.

[pimpcess]

It is possible that her batteries dead, or shes busy, or anything, but try not to drive yourself crazy on the endless possibilities of what it could be. Yeah texting isnt very beneficial in situations like this, like u said body language reveals a lot, there is a chance she doesnt know how u feel, but i think that from what happened the other night its obvious that theres something between u, and to be honest, I think she's probably just as confused as u are, a heart 2 heart is well overdue, she'll probably be glad 2 talk about it, thats what I think from a female point of view anyways.

[charmed]

I am not reading in to what the story is with the phone - that is far to open to interpretation. I'll hopefully see in time. In saying that, she likes her phone a lot, and it is strange for her not to have it on - so even though shes lost her charger, perhaps she has turned it off. Also, perhaps things didn't go to well with the ex and shes in a mood?? Time will tell.

 

Texting was the chicken shit way around it - no question. In saying that, her phone was off most of yesterday, so I wouldn't have got talking to her and I really needed to get it off my chest.

 

Wh

[pimpcess]

The next time u see her is just around the corner, so good luck and let me know how u get on! x

[sisterlynch]

Some of you put a lot of effort into figuring out these difficult women, what do you receive in return?

 

What is the payoff in dating these difficult (to date) women?? Is it the thrill of the hunt?? It must be some inward drive that is ruling you, what does your head (I mean the one witha brain muscle, not the love muscle) tell you??

 

Are they more beautiful or talented than the others? Or are they just popular??

 

What about 6 months later, when things cool down and her ex returns?

 

What will be the pay off then? Won't you have your heart broken again?

 

Is loving her worth getting hurt?

 

PS maybe I am being overly harsh!!

[charmed]

Sister !

That is so harsh !!! This girl is so lovely, unless I find she has been playing me big time. Then, it's different. I'm involved only because of the huge extent of the connection I made with her, not because shes seems to be a total mess to be involved with !!!!

 

In saying that, I'll be the first to condemn if she is like you say

 

Al.

[sisterlynch]

I think that really great looking people in this society get more advantages than others. If you are really in love then you may not see her as clearly as you may think -- that is all.

 

PS, didn't she just break up with someone??

[charmed]

she just broke up with boyfriend - this is the biggest problem sister !!

3/4 months ago. She claimed to be still lovin him, and met him on sunday to try and get back. Thats why I reckon shes gone cold - they must be back together.

[sisterlynch]

I thought that you had mentioned before that there was an ex involved.

 

She may have been trying to make the other guy jealous for leaving her, didn't he go to Europe for work?

 

I think that you should distance yourself from her for a while. You can't really know what they are going through. If you try to continue with how things were-- it will be too tempting for you and if she lets you see her, more intimately, you'll end up being hurt more when it is over.

 

Just go back to pretending that you don't really care what happens---behave like you don't care, and pretty soon your emotions will follow.

[eblue]

YOu poor thing.

 

Hi. I am a girl...and let me tell you..Same thing has happened to me...cept im the girl in your situation.

 

I was dating this one guy for about 6 months. I thought it was love and he proposed and all of this crap, blah blah blah. Towards the end of summer I broke up with him. I came back to school, I go to a university in the US, and began to get really close with one of my guy friends. I didn't really know him too well before we began to really hang out. It started with me just hanging out in his dorm room, to me taking naps on his futon, to cuddling...and pretty much scenes you described. Even though we would cuddle and hug and stare into each others eyes, it never truly hit me he liked me until one night I slept in his bed. We would take naps together, its wonderful when you have someone to cuddle with..makes you feel very safe, so one night I decided to sleep over there. Nothing sinful. Both clothed and such. I woke up in the middle of the night to him holding me, rubbing my back, brushing my hair behind my ear..things that totally made me see he did infact have feelings for me. I then kissed him on the neck, I was laying on his sholder so it was the closest I could get to his face..plus i was chicken shit to kiss him on the lips. I was still afraid of rejection. The next morning he act like nothing happened. He apparently thought I was asleep and too infact didn't realize I liked him after all of the obvious flirting. I was about to give up hope on anything coming from this, because I was too afraid to speak up.

 

Gave up so much that I spoke to my ex and begged him to take me back. I was convinced I was still in love with him. He was going to infact take me back too. He treated me like shit before yet I just wanted someone so much and the cuddling with my friend reminded me that I am not going to have anyone. Then the night that I spoke to my ex, the guy I liked spent the night in my room after falling asleep to a movie we were watching. We both woke up in the middle of the night and got to talking. I got flustered and told him I liked him, because I knew it was the only thing I could do. He was shocked and said he liked me in return. Alot of things came up to this, but in the end..I have been dating this guy for going on 10 months and I am completely happy. Sounds very similar from your story. So moral of the story?

 

I think you need to go out with her..like on a date again. Go somewhere private and talk. You need to talk. Don't whimp out. You need courage. She was probably flirting with you, but couldn't say it. Tell her how you feel...be as sweet and truthful as humanly possible. Let her know you can treat her right and you felt something in her eyes. This other guy she is trying to get back with sounds like an ass..i think you seem alot nicer and could treat her alot better than he could. Just be honest with her and be prepared for anythign that may come with the discussion. Like embarrassment or being turned down is the worst it could get, but in the end...you may miss out on something. Just thing how disappointed you will be if you never say anything at all and she ends up going out with that jerk and being treated horribly. And think of the positives to speaking up, being happy with someone and sharing wonderful times with her...I wish you good luck on this..and I beg of you to report on what happens with this. I would love to find out.