I love my Best friend to bits,.. am i jelous?

[iwannaknow]

okay, im just new to this site,.and i would really liek some help. Me and my best friend have been thru a lot togetha like,. we spend a lot of time togetha,. we're into the same things, music,.and we really get along. I love her to absolute bits,.id do anything for her. She has told me she loves me too and our friendship means a lot to her. the only problem is whenever we go out,. guys are ALL OVER her, i have to stand on teh side while she gives out her number and they chat her up and stuff. i feel like im constantly on the sidelines, like im always in her shadow, I heard a group of guys comparing us the other day,. saying "she's the pretty one,..( and poitning to my friend). This really really uspets me.

 

i know im not the best looking of girls,.my confidence is very low and im in and out of a depresssion,. but sumtimes i just dont feel like being around her because we are always being compared,. and we cant spend time toghether anyway without her being surrounded by all these boys who dont even notice me. I feel like im invisible,.

 

Ive never had a boyfriend, never been kissed. She has ANY guy she wants,. she is really beautiful,. I feel so ugly around her. she is always the centre of attention while i have to stand on the side and wait,.

 

I dont want to mention this to her because i dont want this to ruin our friendship,. but i feel like im always on teh sidelines.

 

i cry about this at night because im trying to get over my depression and im on anti-depressants,. but i still feel really down all teh time. I hate the way i look, i hate my body. i feel really abnormal , like an alien.

 

I know guys are very visual,. and they go for LOOKS other than anythign else,.. but cant any one get to know me for my personality,. does it all have to be about looks??

 

i dont know what to do,. we start college together,. and i feel its goign to be the same story again,. all the guys all over her while i have to stand in the corner and wait for her to wade her way out of this gathering of guys who flock her,....

HELP!

[petalbud]

hmm..., maybe you should try talking to her because it seems such a big thing for you, then again, you have to realise you cannot chnage other peoples actions,. the only person you can change is YOU,..

 

what do you guys on here have to say on this?? seems iwannaknow is in a lot of distress about this,..

[HajiMaji]

Ok.

 

First, i think talking to your friend about this mights be a good idea. Its very possible she would support you and care for you and this issue you have. Maybe not, but it would only bring the two of you closer.

 

Second, I know its hard to believe - but being pretty isnt all its cracked up to be. EVERYONE feels lonely, and while you might feel sad that youve never been kissed - your friend might feel bad that no one loves her for her personality and soul. Finding someone who loves you for who you are is an equal challenge for us all.

 

Being depressed sucks. Its so hard to get out of depression. Then on top of that its hard to get a significant other when you are depressed. That doesnt help your depression!! Keep trying your best with that.

 

To be honest, I dont see a reason to be jealous of a bunch of guys who are talking to your friend because shes cute. Personally, I dont judge potential significant others based off thier appearance. I'm a very awesome person, and i really want to be with someone else who is the same. Compared to the beauty we all have on the inside as people, doing your hair well or having a sexy body isnt really awesome. Being a mature, caring, genuine, loving, empethetic, intellegent... holds way more weight then a pretty face. Man, and the more you love someone the more you think thier appearance is beautiful. It just cant be helped!!

 

I guess what im saying is, looking sexy is fun for both people (you and the dude tryin to get with ya) Its not the end of the equasion though.

 

I guess i said all this because im a guy and im not 'visual'. If you show me affection and care and patience and love and all that good stuff man i get turned on.

 

Lastly, everyone feels the way you do sometimes. Just keep on being who you are and eventually it will all work out.

[Marinicaj]

hello.. reading your story reminded me of a situation that I was in a few years back.. I had a best friend as well. And she was VERY jealous of me. we would go to clubs and she would get mad at me if a guy would talk to me. she would get mad at me cause I would have other friends. at one point she even wanted to sleep with me and of course I said no and she got mad.. she was VERY mad when I strated going out with my bf. and so on.. today we are not friends anymore because things got out of control. she was basically obssesd with me. I'm not trying to make you feel bad... I want to suggust to you if you still want to remain friends with her, try to back away a little, make new friends, meet new people. that way you will be a bit more distant to her and you wont be jealous. I'm not saying to stop seing her. but dont hang out too much around her. and yes you should tell her. talking might help. now days sometimes I miss my friend cause we did share good times.. so in order for things to work out with you.. try to accept the fact that she gets more attention (easier said then done) who knows.. maybe you get more attention for other stuff. plus to be honest.. too much attention is not good. I think guys like better girls who DONT get too much attention.. and besides.. beauty is on the inside take care

Nina

[Decado]

Hi. It may be different for girls, i dont know, but have you ever thought that you may have feelings that are more than friendship towards your friend? I say this coz i am in love with my best friend and i am jealous whenever he makes other friends and stuff.

 

I am pretty much in the same situation except that i know have that i love him more than anything. To know that nothing can ever happen, because i know he doesnt love me, really sucks.

 

I dont know if its usual for girls to say they love eachother but it seems that u guys are rely close already and you can surely talk about stuff like this. cant you?

 

PS. Sory if this isnt that relevant but i just felt that u were in a similar situation and i needed to say something

[walkingwithaghost]

I would suggest you concentrate on what you're good at and remind yourself you're friends not perfect. Also if you're not actively focused on looking your best (hair, makeup, eatting healthy, the gym, nice clothes) you might want to try that. ANYONE can be hot if they're willing to work for it. Think about any chubby girl you know who doesn't spend money on her hair, clothes, and makeup. If she just worked out and spent 1/2 her time and money on her appearance then she'd look a lot better and be happier. I'm being serious. Either do that, or ditch your friend. If you're not hot, get good grades to feel good about yourself. Feeling ugly and hanging around your beautiful friend is only gonna make you miserable. That will hold you back.

[walkingwithaghost]

Your friend also may have a hard time cause everywhere she goes all kinds of loser guys hit on her. Imagine every guy you meet trying to get with you. And keep in mind the more of an a--hole dirt bag a guy is the more superficial he's gonna be so those are the kinda guys that will approach her. Girls are b-tches to her cause they're jealous. People assume she's lazy and stupid because she's cute. Having some guys kiss her a-- does not mean anything. Being cute you sometimes have to work doubly hard to make ppl like you because they stereotype you before meeting you. And if you're not super friendly or outgoing people assume you're stuck up (cause you're hot they think that you think you're better than them.) Also she doesn't know who she is. She probably spends ALL DAY making sure she looks perfect all the time. Trust me. She doesn't wake up looking like that. It's hard not to be jealous, all you can do is get an uglier friend or one who looks like you.. telling your friend will only make it worse.

[Bethany]

I think you answered your own questions. You are feeling low and depressed and That is the problem. Is it really your friend fault that you feel like this, so why blame her?

Have a chat to her and tell her your worries but try not to come over as jealous. Try changing your life, get out more, meet others and you may meet someone special in the process and wont need your friend so much. She will Always be your friend if you dont take everything out on her. It's not her fault.

[Shinobie]

No worries iwannaknow coming from a guys point of view i have it the same.I have my best friend that i did a lot with.We would be at the fair messing around and stuff and hed go over and talk to some girls and id stand off to the side and they would act like i wasnt even there and would not look at me once except that one "get away" look or somethin.Hes like really hot to girls just like your friend is to guys.One question do u try and get in the conversation?Maybe there might be some guys that like u or somethin in those groups.bethany gave a great thing of advice.U should maybe talk to your friend and have her try and help you and not be closed up.Ill try that with my really good friend if he doesnt get sent back to the marines as soon as expected and see how he reacts and see how they think of it.Although a guy might be differen on those ways of thinkin.