cutting && alcahol && the mother

[Life.On.Standby]

well basically.... this isnt about me, but my girlfriend.

i REALLY need some advice here

 

her mum drinks... alot.. heavily... weekly..

and its been going on since my gf was 7.

shes on anti-depressants which im SURE are caused by her mothers drinking..

she also drank the same... but.. since ive been going out with her ive managed to cut down on this, and the smoking.. and everytinng like that.

i think shes changed, for the better.

and i dont want to see her go back to how her mother is now.

i just cant bearthat.

 

last night.. after her mother had been drinking, and she was feeling depressed. i told her to promise me that she would never cut herself again, do you know what her reply was?? she commented on the god DAMM weather.

 

this .. this tore me up inside.. theres not a damm thing i can do about it either.

well , as far as im aware.

 

her mother knows how it effects her,, and still does it like it doesnt even matter.

 

and to make it wore.. she blames HERSELF for all of it.. and hates her self, and doesnt hate her mother ONE little bit.

 

i just dont know what to do to help her out of this..

i would ask her to come and live with me, get her out the house and away from it all

but.. im not that old yet.. still in college.

so thats not a possibility yet.

 

i need some help.. any help. HOW DO I HELP THE PERSON WHO MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME???

 

i cant bear to see her like this.. and it is killing me.

and if she ever does the self harm again , its going to kill me. i dont think i can cope with that.. i cant even cope with thinking about it.

 

shes on a path of self-destruction rite now.. i can see it, others can see it, her mother MUST see it but obviously doesnt even care...

the only person that doesnt see it is her..

 

i care for her more than you know and NEED this help. PLEASE!!

[Veneza127]

This sounds similar to a situation posted not too long ago. He're is the link:

 

The thing is... in this case the boyfriend (you) is the one that seeks help.

 

I hope you can get something useful out of the link above because it seems like a very similar situation.

[Veneza127]

Something else you could do is encourage her to get herself involved in different activities during the day that way she can entertain herself with other things and it will help her forget a little bit about her problems. If you have the time, take her out to peaceful places, do not spend all your alone time at your house or her house. Go to the movies, the park, or some place special for the two of you. It doesn't have to be an expensive place.

 

Also, find out what she likes to do. If she doesn't have a job and is in conditions to work, help her find a job. Talk to her about your future together. Find a job yourself if you don't have one and have the time to. Start saving up some money so you can get her out of that house if that's what you/she want/s. But have her help you too. Tell her you want to build a future TOGETHER. And note that when I say together I am referring not only to your future together but also to actually BUILDING IT TOGETHER.

 

Hope my advice helps somehow.

[jillybean2886]

I don't completley understand her point of view my parents don't drink, but I have suffered from depression, and I cut myself for about two years. So I understand from that respect. By making her promise you that she won't cut again is like telling her she can't breathe. For many people cutting is a way of relief, when in the end all it does is hurts you worse. So instead of telling her to stop, maybe suggest using a red marker or pen, and push it down on the skin not hard enough to cut but hard enough to feel some pain. In the end you have the slight pain, and the red ink as blood, that's what got me to quit.

[Life.On.Standby]

jillybean... no .. she has only ever cut twice.. and HATES herself for it..

but. its all getting too much for her again.

 

uurgh,,, i just want to help her.

 

shes still at school/college.. so is at that during the day [diff place to me tho]

and.. at night im at work and cant really see her for more than about 10 mins.. meaning she is at the park getting wasted with her "reject friends" or at home trying to deal with a wasted mother.

 

shes had this since she was about 7.. .so i can see why she drinks.. which she IS cutting down on.

 

so yeh.. thats good. i just want to be able to help with her home life..!

 

xxx

[Lost1n7heDark]

I'm not too experienced on this stuff. All I can say is that you should get her to talk to her mother. Or if you're willing to, talk to her mother yourself.

 

Like jillybean said, cutting is like breathing. But if she's only done it twice, maybe she's okay. But that's how I started out too, cut a little, then suddenly I can't stop. But I digress.

 

Words are probably the strongest weapons you have with you now. I wish you good luck.

[Veneza127]

I don't think cutting is like breathing. Breathing is something natural, healthy and indispensable for living, cutting is not and if you cut yourself in the wrong place it could kill you. It is a sign of low self-steem and thereforeeee it is an unhealthy habit. She does not need to cut herself in order to live. However, I do encourage you to do what jillybean2886 said, I don't know if it will work but... I guess that is something you could save as a last resource. In the meantime, you should talk to her about the cutting, tell her she doesn't have to hate herself for cutting but try to stop and feel proud of herself for STOPING.

 

Also, like Lost1n7heDark said, you should encourage her to talk to her mother and if that doesn't help then YOU should try talking to her mother if you really care about you gf and if you really love her and want to help her.

[Alien]

I think I could see cutting like breathing if you look at it the right way. For example if you stop breathing for a while you are uncomfortable and the only way you can make it better is to breath, just like cutting seems, to an extent at least. but anyway....

 

I was glad to here she has only cut twice. Now is the time to stop before it starts to get too addicting and overwhelming. I think everyone listed good advice for you to go of off. good luck

[Life.On.Standby]

she has only cut twice in terms of it leaving a scar.

all other times they've healed okays.

 

she cut "kill me" into her arm when she thought i was going to leave her a wile ago.

not enough 2 scar, but enough to bleed a little.

[metallicachica247]

get her mom help at an alchohol rehab place and maybe look into therepy for your gf