Is porn more important then me

[lauranicole927]

Ok...Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years...And ever since we got together Ive known that he likes to look at porn..And it used to not make me so mad I think mainly was because he would look at it then he would turn to me no matter if I was sleeping or what..But lately like the past month and a half he has been looking at it a lot more like when im sleeping and I have waken up the past couple of times and been really pissed and upset because I dont understand why he wouldnt just come in the bedroom with me? And everytime I get really mad at him for it he blames it all on me like it is my problem and he says i blow it out of proportion and I act immature about it and that is all he will say to me he wont talk or anything about compromise nothing........ He just says its not that big of a deal and I think it is it really hurts me..... Speacially when Im just in the other room... And I know I have not been to sexually active lately and that is because im having so health issue's and it just the fact that he would do that when he knows it hurts me and then blame it on me...Ive tried to be as sexually active wit him as much as possible..I mean go down on him everything i just dont know what more i can do....And its not that he just looks at it(that wouldnt bother me as much) but he masturbates to it and i think that is what hurts me the worse....I mean I know he loves me I just think if he really cared he would stop because he see's it hurts but once again in his eyes its my fault he has no fault at all and im being immature about it...What do I do? Do i give him another chance to stop or is 2 to many? Plz someone help?!I love this boy so much with all my heart I dont want this to ruin our relationship its making me soo stressed that I cant sleep eat or anything........I feel like he would rather do that then spend time wit me?

[apollocreed71]

He may have an addiction, sometimes people who do alot of porn can only be satisfied with it. If he cannot change, then you may need to evaluate your relationship. also, understand, by the way you announce this, it seems he has a high sex drive, if he is always trying to have sex with you. some people like it everyday, and if cannot get it from you, he can masterbate or find anoter girl...if he has to have it everyday. sometimes guys do not understand the hurt issues, but hey some just have too much testosterone....its known that increased testosterone increases sex drive, its been studied. if women had more testosterone they would want more sex. hey, if you cannot pleasure him for some reason, then what is wrong with him pleasuring himself.

Why do women get so uptight about those issues, when they are unable to have sex with their man.

 

although people will not admit it, but sex is the majority of the relationship. do not take it the wrong way, but i think most people have a close friend, family member, etc, that they would do anything for, die, give them money, etc. but they will not have sex with them. sex is a special sharing of oneself with another. the problem lies in the amount of sex in the relationship.

 

if the readers had some more info on your pain, it would be helpful for advice. Is it just soreness, or a serious medical condition. this would make a difference in the way he should be acting.

 

good luck.

[djedix]

just because a guy looks at porn doesnt mean he wants to have sex with other people, or is thinkinging he's having sex with other people. he's just trying to get off, because forwhatever reason he's not getting it from you. and don't think its something you did, and don blame him for wanting to do that, because it's human nature. and to honestly sit there and think that he doesnt love you, and doesnt want to have sex with you... is stupid. don't break up with a guy because he looks at porn. every guy looks at porn. just remember it's better that he's with you and he's looking at porn, instead of going out and finding sex. cuz i think THAT would be a real problem.

[apollocreed71]

look at it this way. say you are thirsty at home, and have nothing to drink, and the water is not working. do you sit and wait for someone to knock on your door with a drink,...i thought not, you go and get something to drink. If he cannot have sex with you, well he gets off with porn. Now if you had lots of sex, and he kept doing porn then you would have a problem. but if your sex life is not there, the is releasing. now if both of you keep doing the same thing, your relationship will have serious problems. put them in check now.

[hardcharger]

I am surprised at how often this comes and how universal this problem is with women. My wife of 20 yrs and I have a very healthy and regular sex life!! But even that is not enough. You have every right to tell him that you are not happy with what he is doing and you don't want to see it. But from my own experience and of my close friends, it is typical and probably more common among men that most women would know. We do it in secret, healthy sex life or not. It doesn't mean that are not satisfied with our mate, because I certainly am. Or that we are regretful that we our "real" sex partner is not as pretty or shapely as those porno stars. No it is not like that. We go into that mode for 10-15 min's and when it is over it is over. Yesterday I had nice sex with my wife in the am, and even though I'm mid 40's, in the afternoon, the house was quiet and I just felt I needed it again,(and at this age it is hard to get the wifey to give it up 2x in one day). No biggie, I'll be back at "tryin" for my wife again. Don't make such a big deal about this male porno thing. You don't have to like it, you don't have to look at it. The best thing you can do, is to be your mans own porno star when you are naked with him!!!! Come out of yourself, be a little nasty. Give him oral treats he will think about for days aferwards. Keep the weight off, work out a bit, have a positive attitude and don't nag him.

[brownies]

As another female in your shoes, I completely relate to the way you feel, except I'm a little past your point. When you are in a serious relationship it's important to communicate to him how you feel. Your probably thinking "easy for you to say!" and truth be told it's not easy. Speaking from experience as a girl who tries to tuff things out and keep everything inside, your feelings will never go away and if you plan on being with this man for the long haul then your not starting off right! Communication is number 1 and open "sex" communication is right up there with it. That includes masturbation. My boyfriend loves to look at porn. It bothered me for the longest time. He's my first long term relationship and first love soo you can only imagine how emotional I was when I would find hundreds of downloads on his computer. I would find new downloads everyday. He's a systems analyst and no matter how good at computers a person can be there's no way of hiding stuff like this. The more they need it the sloppier they get. Anyways back on tra ck. It's taken me 2.5 years to settle my emotions around this fact. One day I just cracked and I told him straight out how I felt because it was affecting our sex life. It was him who wasn't turned on in bed.... it was me. I couldn't get it out of my head that he was constantly looking at porn. It would turn me off!!!! We spent the whole morning talking about how to make things work. He was willing to give up porn completely but I knew that was impossible. I came to realize that was unfair. I realized porn was like my need for chocolate during my period. I would of rather had someone be open about their need for porn instead of sneaking around my back.

 

After our long conversation we learnt that you can think about it 2 ways. Your either both at fault for the hurt feelings or your both NOT at fault. If he's willing to give and take then you know he's serious about you and vise versa. I told my boyfriend that I hated when he'd look at porn when I was around and that I hated his habit overall. He told me he hated it when I would be angry with him and he wouldn't know why. (because I was soo upset anything I felt he did wrong was becasue of the porn! I'm an extreme case!lol). We came to the conclusion that it wasn't fair for him to look at porn without trying to get sexual with me first and I don't mean "let's have sex honey!" I mean...he would really try to get me in the mood. Make me feel sexy. For those of you guys reading this: THE MORE SEXIER YOU SINCERLY TRY TO MAKE A GIRL FEEL THE MORE SEXIER SHE'LL BE! I MEAN EXPERIMENTAL, KINKY AND EXHIBITIONIST LIKE! If that didn't work (it happens...) then I learned its perfectly fine for him to try and satisfy his needs (So long as its pornography and not other women. If it's other women you need to get rid of him!). Its males natural habitions to feel horney (for lack of a better word). We also concluded that its important for me to just let him know when I was turned on or that I wanted a little something something later on in the day. Planned sex! With that in mind he wouldn't look at porn but anticipate our planned sex date! and if he did look at porn when I wasn't around then it was importnat for him to owe up to his promise later on in the day. Which usually isn't a problem. I also found out that when he was looking at porn when I was around, was because he assumed I wasn't in the mood. So we concluded that I would somehow let him know that I was turned on....like sneakily put on some lingerie or skimpy clothes and just walk up to him and take advantage or just simply say "hon, come here...now!" How could he refuse. I wouldn't even refuse me! lol! If your guy in that situation I just explained does not want to make love to you after that, then I believe he truly has an addiction and let him know that he needs to do something to balance the situation or he's going to lose you. There are men out there who would love to treat you like a sex goddess for the rest ofyour life!!!!

 

Soo to conclude.....our sex life is good and amplifying. Were still very young and inexperienced and with that in mind we can't wait for years to come!

 

One thing I forgot to mention....there will be times when his "looking at porn" will bother you once in a while. That's normal. Just hit the clubs and get it on with some other hotties! Just kidding! Just think back to what I said....he probably assumed you weren't in the mood or you didn't communicate nor did he communicate he was in the mood either. You just need to keep up with that and your sex life becomes more open and exciting!!!!

 

All the best!!!!!