Stages? Where are you?

[Lost1n7heDark]

Have you ever noticed that there seems to be different stages of SI?

 

There's this hestitant first stage where you try it because you found out about it somehow, then you sort of don't do it, because you don't really understand what it was about.

 

Then there's an interval of time (either short or long) where you don't SI (usually cutting).

 

Then you do it again. And again and again. Lightly and spaced-out at first. Then it get's more frequent, and more deep, til it becomes a never-ending addiction.

 

It's driving me out of my mind. I haven't cut for about a week, and half of me is proud, and the other half is going insane. During the summer it'd gotten so addicting that I just couldn't stop doing it every day, numerous amount of times a day. It was really bad.

 

Now I've passed that point and reached the point of the border between mass depression and carelessness, and I feel like I just reached insanity. I'm not sure what comes after this stage, I haven't reached it yet, or maybe there isn't a stage after this. I guess I wasn't sure what I was trying to say with this post, so I was just wondering where everyone else is with their struggle with SI. Feel free to write about whatever you wish to say. I really don't mind. Digress for all I care. But I'd prefer if you stuck with the topic on hand.

[Alien]

I agree with you about the stages of si. I would add another stage though(well it applies to me, maybe not everyone) it is usually somewhere between the stages where it gets more frequent and the never ending addiction stage. It is when you try to quit. It can be one time or hundreds of times and it can last a day or years. It might not necessarily be a stage though because it can be anywhere and any number of times so it could be classified as something else, that might not make sense but yeah...

 

I remember the first stages and being hesitant and making weak "cuts", hardly deeper than scratches. I wondered how could it make me feel better and I quit for a while. Not for very long though. And now I have progressed to the never ending addiction that is continually getting worse. Not everyday though. More close to everyother day. I don't gain any pleasure, release or feel better in any way when I cut any more. I do it because I have to. It doesn't feel like it used to, there is a different type of satisfaction afterwords. If anyone has been on drugs they know what this is like.

 

I don't think there can be too many stages after these, perhaps it will linger at the current stage you are at or it could get worse and be suicidal in which case seek immediate help.

[pizzachick13]

I understand what you mean about stages. I've been through the stages up until neverending addictions so many times I've now lost count. In fact, I think that perhaps I'm in one of those stages. I believe I'm in the interval of time where I'm not doing it. Right now I'm unsure if I'll start again or if I'll truly be able to stop. I'm hoping I can stop.

 

Sappho...

[Lost1n7heDark]

It is when you try to quit.

Oh yes. Definitely. I forgot about that. I definitely tried hard to quit but it was driving me crazy for a few months, and now I'm just on and off but much deeper and more each time I do it.

 

I also agree with you about the "satisfaction" you get out of it. For me it's like a pinch of pain to make me realize I'm not dead, trying to get rid of the numbness. And all the other things. I just find it depressing that "normal" people don't understand or even try to understand what it's like...

[Alien]

I just find it depressing that "normal" people don't understand or even try to understand what it's like...

What I think about "normal" people is this - they are afraid of the unknown. They don't understand or try because they are afraid, they don't want to dig in deeper and figure out what it is like for these people so they label them insane, satanic, crazy or whatever else.

What does get me angry is these "normal" people will accept someone who goes out and drinks alcohol and gets drunk every night (causing as much harm to their body as I am) for the same reason I would cut, yet there's nothing wrong with the person who drank, but there is with me.

[Lost1n7heDark]

Very much agreed. It also angers me when people I know, even those I would call my friends would say things like, "dude you know those people who're suicidal and cut their wrists? I mean, why would anybody want to do something stupid like that?" And so on, so forth. It makes me feel so guilty and ashamed, and upset that they don't understand. But I suppose it's a part of a cutter's life.

[Alien]

It's a part of everyone's life. Every type of person is stereotyped in some way by other people but it is just a thing we all have to put up with. But we are different from others because even though people hate and stereotype other particular groups of people they are still accepted in a normal society. But people who si are generally viewed as an unacceptable type of person in a society. That's just how I see it though.

[Lost1n7heDark]

Makes sense. It's sad and pathetic how people will do that. But people misinterpret SI-ers as insane or mentally unstable, which makes us look even worse. But in truth, we're all actually rather sane, we just do things for different reasons.

 

How long have you been SI-ing? Mine's been a little over a year. I don't really understand how I got to it. It just happened. I hear that a lot.