Healing the hurt

[dewerte]

Ok here is my issue...any suggestions are greatly appreciated. I was dating this guy for four years. We were friends when we were children. He was taken away from me when I was a little girl. His father up and took him in the middle of the night. Saying i hated him and never wanted to see him. I was only twelve. Six years later he shows up at my door and I just wanted to cry i was so happy to see him. It hurt me to hear what was said to him the night he was torn from my life. He asked me what it would have been like if it was me he had married instead of his exwife. I told him we will never know about the past but we could find out what the future holds. He was my first love. During our 4 year relationship we broke up and got back together over and over again. He meant the world to me and he treated me like i was the world to him. then after a few months he would start distancing him self and pushing me away. Then a couple of months later he would come back. After 4 years of the emotional roller costers I ended it four months ago for the last time. I am a very compassionate person. I try to give with all my heart and that is probably my downfall. I just wish i could get out of my head this feeling that I hurt him...I think he is probably doing just fine. But im still in pain worrying about how i treated him. I realize he is a jerk and deserved what he got but how do i deal with my own mind.

[chupchup]

hm, it sounds like he's afraid to be committed. N thats probably y he kept distancing himself after several months each time. It also sounds like you still love him. Its hard not to think of him and he'll always be in ur heart. But maybe u should just give him a call and say hi. Maybe start all over again. Find out wats making him being distant from u.

[dewerte]

We discussed many times what was causing his distance he didn't want to become like his father (emotionally abusive, drunk, etc,) I told him he didn't have to be like his father. He is a completely different person. I told him I had no idea what that was like and that i may not understand but was willing to give him time and space. And every time i did he went for anther girl. But always came back to me. He would say what i wanted to hear to get me to let him back in and then once he got scared things were getting to close for commitment...he would toss me aside like i had no feelings and go for someone cheap. That made me feel horrible but i felt his inner battle. I just didn't know what to do. If i distanced myself i felt like i was being cruel and i also felt like i was punishing myself.