Questions for the guys: How is a gorgeous girl different?

[Miss M]

At one point of my life, I was a volunteer with a domestic violence program fully staffed by women.

Well, that explains your insight and wisdom. Being able to understand the tangle of emotional confusion that goes on in domestic violence is very remarkable.

 

None of these ladies would have made a magazine cover, but they were each passionate, "real," and beautiful in their own way. Because I was dealing with my own beauty issues at that time, being around them made me see in stark contrast how Madison Ave., the media, and society shape our thinking and subtlely push the idea that beauty = self worth.

Beauty really expresses itself in a whole myriad of ways. But I'm realizing it takes the courage to be open and intimate in order to be able to see it, appreciate it, love it truly, and love it deeply.

 

So when I read the posts about gorgeous women being different, I see that subconsciously many males (atop their own biological imperative to mate with the most attractive and healthy of mates) sincerely believe this to be true too. If we as a society believe that a woman's beauty defines her worth, than is it any wonder that we also think a man's ability to attain a gorgeous woman (by mainstream standards), defines his?

Okay, your comments here sparked a lot of responses in me. I agree that the media has played a huge part in all of this confusion and I think that's a rotten deal for all of us. But also, males are naturally attracted to gorgeous girls because of a "biological imperative to mate"? On the surface that makes sense. But it's pretty ironic that so many of these guys do the exact thing that will alienate her and destroy the potential of mating with her. For example, they relegate her to a special category, different from the non-gorgeous girl, and that actually creates distance instead of closeness. They can be relaxed and real with the non-gorgeous girl, but with the gorgeous girl they get nervous, or they put her on a pedestal which means they are then beneath her. Well, there's nothing very warm and intimate going on there either. Or they immediately decide she is uppidty or deserving of their contempt, and they reject her. Or they scrutinize her to see if they can detect a snobby trait in her that deserves their scorn. Doesn't sound like something that helps in the mating game. Or they treat her like an object as if she has no feelings, no brains, no passionate dreams. They might ogle her exterior, but have no interest in her interior spaces. None of those seem like good ways to encourage her to mate with them. Or they are opportunists who use her as some kind of status symbol, a trophy, in an effort to boost their egos so they can impress their friends, or feel impressed with themselves. So many have said going after the attractive girl is only natural, but how many are able to realize that they are actually defeating themselves?

 

Others have said that they don't see her as attainable, and so they pursue her while being disingenuous, just having a lark at her expense. And others say that since she isn't attainable, they don't see any point in trying at all, might as well go after someone with whom they have a real chance. They decide she couldn't possibly be interested in them, and so they reject themselves on her behalf.

 

So the overall point I'm making, even though these guys are responding to some natural mating instinct, a lot of them are also behaving in direct opposition to that same instinct by doing something that is totally at odds with the "biological imperative to mate."

 

Of course I intellectually disagree with all that, but to be honest, it's something I deal with emotionally every day...

Understood. In fact I also have intellectual understanding that doesn't correlate with a whole mountain of the emotional reality, so I do know what you mean. But maybe I can say something here that will help put this in perspective. Being a gorgeous girl can be very lonely. I've watched guys be genuine and real and laid back with the non-gorgeous girls, and then switch to putting on a fake performance for me. I've often begged guys to abandon the bogus facade and give me the genuine, but haven't had much luck. I've also begged them to make some effort to look deeper at the person inside of me, also without much luck. And as the years have passed the games and manipulations just got more and more sophisticated. The only thing worse than a 20-year old player is a 50-year old player who has spent 30 years sharpening his manipulative skills. And once again the grass on the other side is really not as green as one might think.

[Miss M]

I just wanted to add my 2 cents...As I grow older, I've realized that I don't fall head over heels for girls anymore based on looks. Like just 2 years ago, I might've fallen "in love" based on a girl's appearance. Soon I came to understand that the content of a person's character is more valuable than diamonds, if they're a good person at heart. Of course I like pretty girls, and we all have our own definitions of pretty, good looking etc. But beyond that, beyond the clothes, the makeup, the outward appearance etc...there is the real person. What's on the inside of a person can make them beautiful on the outside...just look at any girl or guy who is truly happy with themselves, even when things aren't going so well, that is a beautiful person.

Dre 7, you give me a reason to feel encouraged. And I hope you keep on being courageous and open to evolve as you continue in life. Yes, it takes courage to look deeper because you have to relinquish the attachment to the pretty and glittery stuff. And in regard to looking at the outward appearance, I also notice the good-looking guys. In fact, I saw one today that really took my breath away. Whew! So, yeah, I notice them too, but I never lose sight of the fact that that's minor compared to the parts that don't show. And even though I look at good-looking men, I've spent much more time loving and looking deep into the souls those that lack that outward appeal. Hopefully one day I'll get better at detecting those who can reciprocate that type of inward looking.

[Dre_7]

Hey Miss M, I'm glad I encourage you in that way As for finding someone who will look inward, I think it takes one of two things to change a person, maturity or a dose of reality. I think people who have had a bad experience with a "gorgeous" girl natrually begin to see that not all that giltters is gold. When I think about it, I think the downfall of society is being obsessed with superficial things, which is what we are all targeting in so many words in this thread.

I strongly believe that there comes a point in life where we all realize that all we really have is the truth in what we say, and the strength of our character. For some people, it comes later on in life, for others..it may come earlier. At that same time, we realize we can only judge others by the same criteria.

Miss M, from reading your posts, I can tell that you're a smart girl and you know what you want in a husband/boyfriend. And I'll tell you right now that those two qualities will save you alot of time and heartache in life. I hope you get what you really want. : )

[jordan_2]

and slowly people are starting to realize the facade of society and its role in defining beauty.

 

Dre, you speak true words...

 

I don't understand how people can truly be happy with a goreous, but ill spirited person (and by happy I mean in an emotional sense, not sexual).

I think it's hard for guys to realize that there is more to a woman then looks (not saying that it is not important but it is not the only criteria for loving a woman) and find true beauty. Your posts (along with shysoul, miss M and smallworld ) are really helping me realize more and more the other aspects of beauty within a person, so thank you, all.

[Dre_7]

and slowly people are starting to realize the facade of society and its role in defining beauty.

 

Dre, you speak true words...

 

I don't understand how people can truly be happy with a goreous, but ill spirited person (and by happy I mean in an emotional sense, not sexual).

I think it's hard for guys to realize that there is more to a woman then looks (not saying that it is not important but it is not the only criteria for loving a woman) and find true beauty. Your posts (along with shysoul, miss M and smallworld ) are really helping me realize more and more the other aspects of beauty within a person, so thank you, all.

 

Thanks Jordan,

 

I'm glad you're also able to realize that beauty is consists of many different compartments. If alot of people realized what you do...there would be many more meaningful and long lasting relationships.