My girlfriend fights dirty

[GoDevil]

I am having a problem getting over fights with my girlfriend because of the things she says when she is angry. I find it hard not to resent her and also it's hard to forgive her. We have talked a lot and she knows what things really bother me, and of my insecurities. I am also unusually sensitive (i think)... When we are having a bad fight she throws these private things back into my face to try and hurt me, and it makes me hate her when she does it. I would never do something like that to her. I am trying to understand why she has to take such cheap shots at me when we fight. How could she do that if she really cares about me? How can I just accept that she might not mean those things and is just saying them because we are fighting. I am stuck and I don't want to hate her but the resentment is difficult to contain at times.... please help me

[charmed]

Your girlfriend knows more about the real you than probably most people. We keep our guards up generally, and when we share inside with someone it can be brutal to get it thrown back at you as ammo.

 

I doubt that you are unusually sensitive though !! The things she knows and uses about you would quite probably hurt any one as much as it is hurting you - so don't worry!

 

Fighting is not a pretty thing, and things do always get said that hurt an awful lot. Does she take much time to apologise for the things she says in the fights?

 

The fact is that you are getting effected badly by these things, and it has to be addressed. Have you talked to her about it?

Let her know what you are feeling and see what she is willing to do about it. She should take you seriously, or you should be considering your position in the relationship. Fights happen in relationships - and you need to be a bit comfortable about the way they do. You are not, and you need to fix that.

 

Good luck !

 

Al.

[taken]

i think that your girlfriend has insecurities of her own. i think that she is trying to find a way of putting everything off on you. you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel, cause she si just gonna keep doing it if you dont. hope this helped.

[GoDevil]

thats another thing... she is horrible at apoligizing and is very stubborn. If she would just say she's sorry for the things she says it would make everything better. I don't know how to convey this to her. How hard could it be for her to just tell me what i need to hear? Maybe she is just a heartless b.itch

[charmed]

Maybe she is, but as I said above, you need to addres this issue as it is really getting to you. Tell her she needs to learn to communicate her anger and frustration in another way than hurting you and your feelings like she does. If not, you have to leave her, and thats as simple as it is. She possibly does have her own problems, but thats not an excuse.

 

It's possible that the stuff just comesout of her, but you still have the right to not listen to it! Explain to her that either it stops, or you as a couple does. There is no other way around it. She must know you are serious - so make sure you only have one conversation about it, and make sure that you are clear.

 

If you can, be as nice as pie about it, and show her how understanding you are. This will make her a bit more at ease with the subject, instead of her being attacked about the issue!

 

Good luck,

 

Al.

[bzborow1]

Firstly, you need to address the issue to her. Tell her that what she tells you is really low and immature. Beyond that, what can you really do? If she's going to continue to do despite your asking her not to, what can you really do?

 

Well I'll tell you. After you've talked to her, and during the next argument if she starts up again, just walk out the door. Don't partake in it, don't say anything, just walk out. Then, no contact with her until she comes and apologizes to you. To me, that's all you really can do...you can't be afraid of losing her otherwise she'll walk over you. Besides, history has taught us she'll come and apologize.

[Sub-Rosa]

Drunken tongues speak what a sober mind represses....the same goes for an angry tongue. When people say really mean and hurtful things when they are upset it means that they have thought the same evil thoughts at one time or another.

 

No apology in the world can make up for repeated offenses...

 

I would question her real feelings.....

[sisterlynch]

I think that it is difficult to get along at times, hey that is true for the "Sister" to. Anger and passion go hand in hand. They come from similar parts of the brain. Sometimes Anger becomes a habit or a defense mechanism. Try to agree with her occasionally--I know that your male brain says to disagree, but agree anyway, who really cares if you are right or wrong as long as you are together if that is the ultimate goal, if you are trying to leave her or she you...just be honest with your feelings.

[street dreamer]

listen man when females are mad they will say alot of things dont mean they deal with 2 many emotions, and another thing u should neva argue with a female your in a lose lose situation. the next time she tries 2 argue with you just ignore her of leave the house for a little while.

iv'e falied over and over again in my life,That is why i succeed

[CamaroJoe]

dude, u just have to know that what she says about you is irrelevant. Because she is your gf, she'll say them, but doesn't mean them, because if she believed everything she says about you, she would't' be with you. my ex gf used to do that to me, i just got to the point where i didn't care what she said about me. Eventually i was like "well, if you think i'm so horrible then get the *** out and just leave me the hell alone" and she stopped. but for your case, it may go the other way. ya never know with females.

[dextro]

That's what I called a mean person. And the guys who tried to find excuses, its useless. Its like killing someone and sayin to the police that you didn't want too. Just tell her how much it hurts you, be clear and don't bother of what she said when shes angry.

 

peace

[GoDevil]

thx you know you guys are right... i think i have a problem taking things too personally but its just so hard not to when her pms lasts for like 2 weeks sometimes. What I'm learning is that no matter what, any time react by getting angry and mad at her it just makes it worse and it takes longer for things to get back to normal. It's confusing as hell sometimes.. It's hard to fight your natural defensive instincts but it's apparently necessary to help get thru crap like this when she's having emotions etc..