feeling USED!!!!!

[hoppy27]

i feel like ive been used by a girl i fell for. she had recently gotten out of a 6 year relationship. for the 2 weeks after her split she wanted to see me, talk to me, etc. when we spent time together it was like magic.

last two weeks............she has hardly called, hasnt really asked to see me. was i just "the guy to help her get over her ex"?? was i the guy to build up her confidence so now she doesnt need me????

 

this is just another reason why ive been single for 2 years. women are crazy. she stuck around in a 6 year long relationship with a guy who treated her like crap. im the nice guy that apparently is still gonna loose.

what is it with girls and "Wanting a nice guy". when it boils down to it

i think women like being treated like crap.

i give up............id rather be single.

[sweetheart4ever]

oh no! dont think that! you have yet to meet the one who will respect you n everything, some of us..we actualy like the nice guys! i know i do! and if i get treatd like crap i let him know thats that, you just have yet to meet her.

 

As for this girl, we tend to think that the guy should start making n calling the plans, so maybe she is still in to you, n just thinks if its gonna go ne furter that you should take a step in instead of her haveing to ask?

[sweetheart4ever]

The thing is, this is like a typical thing

 

Girl n guy are close friends-guy likes girl more-girl allways gots a bf-guy is to shy to tell her how he feels-bfs treat her like crap-she still dates them-guy doesnt know why n it drives him crazy-girl likes guy but doesnt want to make the 1st move

 

See what i mean? AND alot of the time, its not that we like the jerks its that we want the sweet guy to stand up for us..we want to get him so steamd up, lots of times in some twisted way its a "test"

 

But yea, i still think you should try to make the next move.

[hoppy27]

i have done alot of initiating here. she told me she wanted to be single for awhile...........after we did the dead and after she told me how great i was.

im giving her her space thats what she wants. i called her wednesday afetr not talking for three days. she said she would call tomorrow(thursday) she didnt. havent talked since then. so im just sitting wondering whats going on.

[CATLOVER]

HMMMM...yeh classic rebound I AM AFRAID. Just stay way for now...actually she will be thick in breakup emotions for quite a while even if it doesnt seem so on the outside. I just came out of something with a guy who had just come out of an eight yr relationship. Thing is I didnt even know till i had dated him for over four months. Then it all came out, I had feelings for him by then but he still wasnt over the last thing...anyway needless to say it was a rebound thing and I was definitely used and abused. It is the lowest feeling when you like someone and they are using you to boost themselves up.....Im still hurting. So thats why my advice is stay away for now....because it will just be more of the same until she is over it....and no point you being her get over it tool.

[smallworld]

Hi Hoppy, I don't blame you for feeling used. The least she could have done was call you back.

 

When you've been with someone for many years, the breakup takes longer to get over because you're in the mindset that you'll be with this person for the rest of your life. The fact that she rushed into a relationship and sex with you right away was not a good sign, because she didn't take the time to fully get over her ex before she got involved with you.

 

Apparently she's now regretting getting too serious too soon , so she's avoiding you to avoid talking about it. She's probably embarrassed and confused. With you, she honestly doesn't know what she wants. This is why she failed to call.

 

Her wanting to be single (alone) is normal and healthy. For your own sanity it's probably best that you accept that she's not ready to be in a relationship right now. If you can handle being her friend, try that until her heart's healed and she's processed through her heartache and her mixed feelings for her Ex.

[sweetheart4ever]

sit on your hands, now, let her be the one to deside, actualy go out, your not attached..get out n do things..she has to pick up a phone..its not hard i promise.

[sweetheart4ever]

sit on your hands, now, let her be the one to deside, actualy go out, your not attached..get out n do things..she has to pick up a phone..its not hard i promise.

[SkyFire]

was i just "the guy to help her get over her ex"?? was i the guy to build up her confidence so now she doesnt need me????

 

You are correct.

 

Women are not crazy (though some are)

 

It is not women's fault, it is yours. Start doing something about it.

[hoppy27]

excuse me???? my fault???

 

i think the only fault i had here was telling this girl to much to soon.

 

at 16 years old i dought you know enough about relationships to be giving good advice. shouldnt you be in bed??

[SkyFire]

this is just another reason why ive been single for 2 years. women are crazy. she stuck around in a 6 year long relationship with a guy who treated her like crap. im the nice guy that apparently is still gonna loose.

what is it with girls and "Wanting a nice guy". when it boils down to it

i think women like being treated like crap.

i give up............id rather be single.

 

That right there's your problem. The whole "nice guy" thing wont get you women. That doesent mean you should be a jerk either. Maybe find good qualities from both extremes and adapt them.

 

At 16, Ive learned more about relationships then some adults. Dont judge me based on my age.

[Bounder]

As someone who is coming out of a relationship (I got dumped) it is hard to try and have normalcy witout doing the rebound. And it doesnt mean you dont care about ther person. For instance, there is this girl that i have always liked, during the first break up (my ex has now dumped me twice) we hung out lots and I really enjoyed time with her. Now I am flying out to see her because I like her, and I know we have lots in common. Maybe just being honest is the best policy. Did she dump or get dumped?

[hoppy27]

she dumped him days after we met. she was all about me.............now its like she wants nothing to do with me.

[Mjane]

actually hoppy,

if you knew this girl just got out of a relationship, then you are responsible for some of the blame. It's only common sense that when you meet someone who just got out of a relationship that you should stear clear of them. People become vicitms of rebounds because they date people who are still recovering.

I went on this date with this guy and when he told me he was still separated.... I told him right then and there.. that I couldn't date him because he hadn't been divorced for a year.

You gotta set some standards for yourself and stick to them.

If you feel like you are having similar experiences with women, perhaps you are dating the same women over and over and over. And this would be your issue. Have you ever heard of unconscious attraction?

[bridget74]

It is very soon out of her relationship. Even if she wanted it to end, there is a certain amount of pain involved, and if there wasn't I doubt she would be the type of person you would want to be with. I don't think it has as much to do with you, or anything you have done or said, as she just might not be ready to really be with someone else. I have been in this position before, and it is really difficult to get involved again, even with someone you think you could like. Also, I saw a statement you made in another post, about a girl that you call, and she will call back, but not initiate. I have a friend who thinks she should not make too many calls and the guy should do it. She will return calls. I had to convince her to make a few, or the guy she liked might start to think she doesn't like him. I know it is 2005, but dating can still be a little old fashioned I think. I know I struggle with the gender thing, what is ok, and what is not in the beginning. Anyway, good luck, and don't take anything personally at this stage!

[hoppy27]

i understand what you are all saying.

believe me when i say i didnt do the "persuing" at first. i didnt even know her until the day we met. i did know she had a boyfriend. after what happened......happened. she assured me that she didnt want me to think she was "that type" of girl. she said she just couldnt resist.

i was very hesitant to be honest and i still am. it just seemed to good to be true. unfortunately ive never been good with "one night stands".

i always felt like sex meant alittle more then that. so after we crossed that line i got alittle to attached. i told her how wonderful she was....beautiful...etc. she responded with just about everything i wanted to hear. ohwell........chaulk it up as an experience and ill move on from here.