Im having trouble moving on miss her alot

[scorchio]

Im having trouble moving on at mo,

 

been 3 1/2months since split, about 2 1/2months N/C OUCH!!

 

I am doing well with the N/C, although still hurting like hell, the love is there still so much. I am keeping busy, work, friends etc etc, still think alot about my ex and her daughter, miss them etc.

 

cannot get myself to have any feelings for any girl yet, just dont feel ready to date etc.

 

is this normal after this amount of time, it feels a long time, im sure I will be told it isnt.

 

hope my ex and the dumpers in general feel all these emotions too as much as we do the ones who have been hurt..............

[confusedashell]

yeah mate, I guess its totally normal. My marriage is pretty much over now and the thought of getting togethger with another woman is well far from my mind and I dont think its anything I will want for quite sometime. I guess you end up with a lot of commiment issues after you come out of a long term and serious relationship, you lose something that cant be replaced.

about the dumpers. I doubt they feel as bad as we do. They have been probably and in most cases thinking about it for awhile and have had a few more weeks to get used to the idea. plus if they do it, then that means thats what the wanted to do. I do find it amusing though that most people who dump someone at some point sooner or later they end up trying to get back together or having some contact.

[scorchio]

Thankyou confused,

 

yes all makes dealing with emotions very difficult, I know I am quite mixed up at momement, so much love for my ex, difficult to describe, but I dont feel or see how anyone (girl) can break into that love, and the way I am feeling at mo, nor would I want them to.

 

Yes, you are right, people you read on here tell stories of the ex's (the dumpers), well at very least making some form of contact in the end, however long down the line it is.

 

I know you cant hang on to that as hope, but I certainly feel that at some point it will happen whatever the circumstance or reason

[confusedashell]

I think it all depends how things end. I think a lot of people in long term relationships start to feel like the love is gone when things get comfortable and when something rocks the boat a little they feel like "well I'm not even sure about this whole thing anyway, so adios!". They realise later that the grass isnt always greener on the other side and that they did have things good before. They realise that they did love the person but it had matured beyond the first months feeling. I really think that a lot of relationships, especially those long term and people in their late 20s and early 30s are in are given up far too easily. Of course if there is something seriously wrong, like the other partner is abusive, violent, or in some other way effecting things negatively for a long period of time, breaking up is completely healthy.

I dont even want to start to second guess every reason why my wife is having serious doubts about our marriage or her feelings for me. It would drive me insane and I still will be no where closer to knowing what is going on. I think the best thing to do in a situation like that is just leave the person alone. If its meant to be, it will be.

[scorchio]

Thanks confused,

 

yeah, the "grass isnt always greener on the other side" statement I am a strong believer that this happens to alot of people who splt and end up re-initiating contact.

 

my ex although she split from for her daughter's sake etc etc (you can view my original post if u wish to see the background - depending how long you got. LOL

 

link removed

 

the only thing that gets to me is knowing she never fell out of love with me (she even admitted that) hope that cuts deep one day to her

[sorryJason]

"hey have been probably and in most cases thinking about it for awhile and have had a few more weeks to get used to the idea"

 

I think most women, especially if they are the dumpers do this, the get themselves ready for the breakup a long time before they actually go through with it, doesn't it seem evil, that they can be sleeping with you, talking all nice, and being nice to you, and all along they are thinking, "well only a little bit longer and I can get this jerk out of my life!!"

 

I think for the most part men don't do that, when they break up with someone it is on a whim, they just can't deal with the other person anymore and they just break up with them right there and then. I know these statements are true for me and my ex, she was just waiting for me to do something wrong, then she broke up with me, she was planning it for 2 months!!! Talk about evil!!! I mean I know I did wrong to her, but I mean If you hold on to someone for 2 months, what is happening all that time? I mean we had sex, we slept together, we kissed and hugged, was that all an act? Enough about that now, sorry guys/girls!!!

 

If you want her back in any way shape or form, eg "just friends even" you have to show her what she is missing, remind her of the man she used to love, the man she started dating. You know that person is inside you, and I am sure that every guy out there wishes he could be that guy all the time, and I can guarantee, even if she doesn't want to be even just friends, you won't need her, because other women will notice you!

 

Hope this helped, even a little, remember, just be the best man you can be, take pride in yourself, do things for yourself, be kind and considerate to her, and maybe if you are lucky(unlike me) you will get her back, or someone even better!

[confusedashell]

sorryjason, man..that story si the same as mine. Right up until the day she told me that our marriage was over (she hasnt used the "D word" just yet though) everything seemed perfectly normal! We had sex, kissed, cuddled, told eachother the I love yous..all that normal things we did. Then one little fight about something ridculous and out it comes: "i dont want to do this anymore...I dont have those feelings left for you". Bam! Six years of marriage and a young family is shot down! She hasnt even really spoken about it and almost acts like its not happened (shes still saying its done). It took her a few days to tell her mother even though she was with her for those days after.

 

I think women are certainly the stronger sex when it comes to things like emotions and relationships. they have that power, I dont know what it is. If I'm being honest this is the first woman to dump me in my life and I dont remember any of my ex's (bar one) that went as depressed as I am. Maybe its due to the gravity of the situation (marriage & kids) or just the fact that it came out of nowhere...I dont know anymore. It's ben a week now (we havent actually dicussed anything yet, shes on a small vacation..thanks for dropping this on me the night before you leave! and i was actually looking forward to seven days here alone! LOL!) and I'm in such a state of confusion while she seems as calm as ever.