He's careless!!! NEED ADVICE PLEASE!!

[shortnLA]

Hey all well this is the deal!! my bf has had some finacial problems and I do the most I can to help ,but he's moving in with his dad I'm sure. which is like an hour away from me. Well he is being so careless with me he just told me "well what are we loosing anyway" meaning our realtionship if it ends. Them I started talking to him and he told me " your a women stand by my side and thats it!" oh my gosh what the @#$% yeah. What do you guys think!!!

[jna35]

I'm sorry if you're hurting, but you are waaaaay better off with out him!!!! He sounds as though he has A LOT of growing up to do! Find someone who will respect you and treat you well!

[shortnLA]

The thing is we have been together for three years and I love him I think . well he has broken up with me a lot of times because he needs tim eblah blah.....He tells me I'm his first priority and that I should'nt worry. but he gets these moods and is so mean sometimes. i feel like i'm only good when he needs somewhere to stay or is unstable cause when he is stable its like he doesnt need me and wants time apart. I'm just very sad about this. Should i let him got or what!!!

[jna35]

From what you've said it seems to me like it's a one way relationship on your part. He doesn't seem to give you the time of day unless he needs something and that isn't healthy. You're not even sure if you love him, so why not take a "break' for yourself and figure out if this is a relationship you really want to be in. He sounds VERY immature and I honestly don't think he's ready for a relationship. It's not about you. It's his issues. I would highly recommend taking a step back and let him figure things out. I know you are sad, but do you REALLY want to be with someone who shows so little respect for you? I would however let him know EXACTLY how he makes you feel and then go from there.

[shortnLA]

I've been thinking a lot about just taking sometime for myself,but it all seems so hard. After he told me this he apologized and said he didnt mean it. I think he did i told him I didnt want to talk to him so we hung up, he called me a little later and he said Hi how are you? Are you still sad? and again I told him I didn't want to talk to him right now. the other thing is we fight a lot we fight a LOT for the past two years thats all its been he blames everything on me cause I'm too much drama and that makes me feel like crap. I don't think I'm strong enough to break up with him when ever he breaks up with me I have kinda gotten use to getting past it and accepting it , but everytime i try to break up with him he begs and pleads and I just fall into it.What should I do ? I feel like I love him i just cant see myself living through all this pain he caused me. Another things thats !@#$ up is that When ever i cry to him about us he tells me your crying again man, that really hurts I feel like I can't depend on him to comfort me anymore!!!

[Shadows Light]

"well what are we loosing anyway" meaning our realtionship if it ends. Them I started talking to him and he told me " your a women stand by my side and thats it!" oh my gosh what the @#$% yeah. What do you guys think!!!

 

Financial problems? Ok.. first of all. How are his financial problems your problems???? Sounds to me like he's pulling a bit of emotional blackmail.

 

"You're a woman stand by my side" ??? how so, by helping him pay for his carelessness... his imaturity ... pulling him out of a financial bind. You mentioned in your second post that he seems to be nice when he needs a place to stay. Let me ask you a question??? Who is paying the rent??? and if its you.... OMG OMG OMG OMG.

 

GET A BACKBONE. AND tell him to get off his bucket and get a job. Get two jobs. Get three jobs. If you keep "helping him out" guess what... all he's going to do is keep taking. And you'll keep working. And everytime he wants something he's going to keep whining, throwing pouting tantrums... and emotionally blackmailing you. "If you really loved me you'd........" Darlin... LOVE is unconditional. AND this guy from what little you wrote sounds like a jerk. A TAKER and not a GIVER. LOVE IS MUTUAL....and its respectful. So tell him to go and movie in with DADDY...becuase he's obviously not ready to be an adult.

 

---> Read your last post. "Everytime you break up with him he comes back and he begs and pleads..." he knows which buttons to push. Thats because he's figured out how to manipulate and control. You are a strong woman... get rid of the leech before he sucks you dry emotionally and financially.

[Mun]

He needs to fix his situation himself. Don't enable him to keep depending on others. And don't worry that he will move an hour away, from what you say it wouldn't matter if he lived next door... he would still be unappreciative of you.

 

Think about you and do what is right for yourself. If that means taking a break then do it... if it means not returning his call then don't. Once you start expecting him to respect you ( and don't settle for less) he will either give you respect or YOU won't have the time for him.

Things change for you when YOU change.

 

Keep your chin up and remember you are worth it !!

[Shadows Light]

Wwwwoooops I get on a roll don't I. ... hey... I think Muneca said it most susinctly...

 

Don't enable him. Respect yourself..and demand that he respect you.

 

If you take a little time away from each other... things will have a different prespective.

 

Take care...