where am I going wrong ?

[cassiana]

All my friends boyfriends really like me and say how attractive i am. I am very easygoing. im medium height with a great figure and am a natural blue-eyed blonde. I have great legs and a great sense of humour and never really complain and rarely lose my temper. I have lots of female friends. Guys like me but the longest relationship I ever had was 3 months.Am I intimidating or just not sexy. What's the matter with me. I always dress well and try to look good. I'm not fussy about restaurants or food. I look about 30. I just don't understand why im so popular with guys but not to date. I'm fit, enjoy hillwalking but am feminine. It's a mystery to all my friends. I just cannot figure it out.I love music, the cinema, theatre, TV.

[HajiMaji]

I dont know what it is, but im sure you are plenty sexy I dont know if anyone will be able to answer this well, but let me ask some questions.

 

Do you feel like you have trouble getting dates, or do you feel like you have trouble sustaining a relationship for a long period of time.

 

Its possible you havent met 'mr. right' yet.. Haha, we all get sick of hearing that.

[RayKay]

What stood out to me in your post is how much you emphasize your PHYSICAL attributes as well as those attributes that you seem to think "are what people want"...it is not until the END of the post you mention you have some interests as well.

 

When people are looking for a partner, they are looking for more than great legs and someone whom is not fussy about the food they eat...they are looking for someone whom is comfortable with themselves, whom they share several compatibilities with - not just someone whom looks good on their arm.

 

I am an attractive, very physically fit woman too....but that is not what builds strong relationships & partnerships in the end....a guy would not stay with me just due to my "physical sexiness", what also needs to be there is that COMPLETE sexiness...the mental, spiritual, emotional connections and stimulation. It is not something you can force, and often people will realize it is not there early on.

 

Maybe it is because when people start to date you they realize that you do not let them in to find the real you, or perhaps it is because they can sense that "neediness" that your post itself seems to emanate. It does not have to be a desperate obvious neediness, just something that maybe makes them feel "not right".

[jna35]

I agree 100% with RayKay!

[cassiana]

So do you think I go around wearing tight tops? i was only describing myself physically because this is a sightless forum. In real life I dress quite modestly.

I cannot answer the neediness thing because you are saying its not an obvious neediness, in that i can be quite cool and independent and yet project neediness. So love is like a bank loan. You cannot get the loan unless you can first prove you don't need it.

in my twenties I didn't look for love and it never came near me either. But then I suppose it was my lack of neediness that drove me away.

If i am needy what can I do to stop being needy. I have my hobbies, im financially secure, i'm even a published writer on the side. I also have lots of friends and have just returned from holidays in China.I speak three languages excluding English.I wonder if I had written that first the last time would i have been told that i lived too much in my head and needed to work on the physical. God i'm so frustrated.

[RayKay]

No, I did not think you went around wearing tight tops and did not even imply that. What I implied is that when you wrote your post, you seemed to heavily weigh your physical attributes, when you need to realize there is more to "staying power" then physical attraction.

 

No, if you had written that I would still say what I had before...that you sound insecure or that you are trying to "sell yourself" when love and relationships do not last based on "selling yourself" or "what is good on paper".

 

There is a saying "show me the hottest woman in the world and I will show you a guy sick of sleeping with her". Because there has to be MORE to lasting relationship then those initial attractions, and that is compatibilities, and connnections on many levels. You may satisfy part of what they want, but maybe not everything they feel they need. It does not mean this is your fault, it is just you need to realize there is more to being compatible with someone then "being right on paper".