sliced like swiss cheese

[cujo]

Um, I am back and this time I have acctually quit for quite a while, but school is starting. I do a competitive speech thing, and I have OCD really bad to where if I do too well I cut myself, and if I don't do well enough I also cut myself. I get mad if I do too well b/c I don't like the positive attention and I believe I don't to have good happen to me. and if i don't do well i think why ever try I am just some worthless piece of crap. But i love speech though. i am on anti-depressants, 150mg worth and anxiety pills but it doesn't work the pills slow my depression, but this is an addiction. I have used... seam rippers, exacto knives, steak knives, safety pins, razor blades, HOT glass(i have a 2nd degree burn on my arm), brick walls, syringes, staples, and most other sharp things. Help, I don't know where this stress comes from.

You watch me bleed to death, and cry as I smile, you just haven't realized I have been dead for quite awhile. Hating life is the same as being dead only your heart doesn't know it.

[jna35]

You deserve the positive attention when you do well on your speeches!!!I wish I had the courage to do public speaking and I give you kudos for that! I am sorry you feel like you need to cut yourself. I know what it's like- been there done that. It doesn't solve anything and actually creates even more problems, potentially life threatening ones. I think you should check back with your doc since your pills aren't working and really dive deeper to get to the root of the problem. That's the only way to truly heal. What do your folks have to say? Your doctor? I hope you get the help you need and that one day you can respect yourself enough to stop hurting yourself and realize that you are a person of value!!

[dpressedone89]

alright well, ive quit for i think 8 months now, the way i did it was i just always did something right away to take my mind off, like i go out and do something. as far as where the stress comes from it sounds like you dont like attention which is fine, i dont either, but only you know for sure what stresses you out.maybe just tell people you want to be left alone when your doing those kinds of things that way it would take the pressure off, i dont know for sure if you need someone to talk to PM me or IM or what ever.

good luck i wish you well

-stitches

[Tigris]

I agree with Jna you need to get your medication checked out.

 

Take care.

[Lost1n7heDark]

Raise your self-esteem. I've read several of your posts and replies and I think you deserve positive attention. Is it possible not to do well? I'm sure you'll do great. I think you shouldn't think so lowly of yourself, seriously. I haven't tried any pills...do they actually work? Anyways, don't get addicted to cutting or the pills...not a good idea. Talk to someone you trust, they'll help. If you can't find anyone trustworthy enough, you can contact me! =) Good luck!