Heavy Hearted-Need Your Advice

[EarthGirl2010]

Thanks

[DN]

I am not an expert in this but from what I just read it is a prescription pain killer and is addictive. Depending on where you live it could be illegal to posses this drug without a prescription.

 

From your description he is addicted and needs help. The issue about checking his e-mail etc. is unimportant now compared to the trouble that he is in for his health and well-being - never mind any legal troubles he may have.

 

I think you should contact a local addiction help centre, you can usually find them in the directory or the internet or there may be leaflets at your doctor's office.

 

when you have all the information you need - effects, help for him etc. then you should tell him exactly what you know and tell him that he must see his doctor and get a referral to an addiction resource centre where they will be able to help him.

 

If he refuses, then I think you have no choice but to remove yourself from this situation - only then might he realise how much trouble he is in.

[temperamental_taurus]

Since he is lying and trying to keep this narcotic usage from you, it is obvious he knows he has a problem with it and can not stop. I work in the medical field and the "normal" prescribed dosage is around 1 to 2 tabs by mouth every 4 hours as needed... It is obvious he has a serious problem, and addictions like this a very difficult for him to overcome on his own. There are organizations, like Narcotics Anonomous that are out there but he has to be the one to figure that out on his own... Trust me, I tried to save my alcoholic and it produced the opposite effect. There are things that you can do like educate yourself... etc.

 

My suggestion is not to marry him though, until you see progress in this area and the lies stop. Life with an addict is NOT fun... I just got out myself. They are very selfish and self-serving. You do not need trust issues in a marriage. I know your first reaction is to want to help him, save him... but you can not, unfortunately. Don't even try or you may make matters worse... I realize now that I did. Talk with him about it then back off. It is UP TO HIM to acknowledge his addiction and seek help on his own. Hang in there and educate yourself - hugs to you, I know it's hard - it was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

[EarthGirl2010]

Thank you very much DM. I appreciate you taking the time to read my story and to offer advice.

 

I have been researching this but I never thought far enough ahead that he may need clinical help.

 

I will check out your link.

[EarthGirl2010]

Thank you temperamental_taurus.

 

Man, sounds like I'm in for it good. I will try to keep my big mouth shut, but I love him so much. But I can step out of the situation and see your point. I know I need to just be there for him, but I feel like I am watching him destroy himself.

 

I'm sorry for what you went through. Sounds really tough. I can't imagine.

 

Thanks for your advice.

[temperamental_taurus]

Yes, EG, that is essentially what will happen... as I did, you will watch him slowly kill himself everyday. And it used to kill me... I just started Al-Anon, and to hear the stories of every other person who watches their loved ones destroy themselves day after day makes me immediately burst into tears... because that was me... maybe you should look into a similar thing for yourself. Education on this issue for yourself is important, but at some point you must make a choice, is he worth it? I would say yes if ONLY he makes healthier choices to kick the habit... Or are you worth more, because sometimes we loose ourselves somewhere in their addiction... and we end up just as sick as they are. Don't be that girl!!! Hugs to you...

[savannahohsavannah]

I hope you take a few deep breaths to help you deal with the shock you are going through. I agree with the other posters and say don't marry this fella. Even though you love him, he's not able to reciprocate just now, he's living in a destructive addiction cycle. Even getting out and getting treatment is still going to be a tough row to hoe, when he is finally able to do so. Typically when someone is going through rehab they tell them not to make any romantic changes, i.e. get married for a certain length of time when they've started treatment. So, even if he does what you want and gets help, it still may not exactly save your relationship, but it could save you! Do you realize that being with this man if he is doing anything illegal with drugs, could if you are caught when he is, get you jailed right alongside him? Just a thought to remember....

[disEnchantid]

Hi!

 

I was prescribed hydrocodone when I had all my wisdom teeth extracted and after taking one I knew immediately why people become addicted to it so easily. It produces a completely painless, calming feeling. What I found though was that after the first few, the effect was not the same. It still helped with the pain, but (taking the prescribed dosage) no longer produced that same euphoric feeling. My guess is that people will be inclined to take more and more in order to feel that way again.

 

Though I don't have a background in psychiatry, I would guess that your partner suffers some sort of emotional pain that he is using the pills to try and mask. These would probably best be addressed through counseling of some kind. I would urge to him to try to help himself so that he can be the best husband possible to you. If he truly cares for you as he says, he should want to do whatever is in his ability to make you happy and keep you safe.

 

If he is not willing to seek help for himself, I have to agree with a previous poster that you should not marry him. It would set a very bad foundation for the marriage. It is a terrible truth that you can only help people willing to help themselves. I know you think that he is the one for you and that you are perfect for each other, but the man who is perfect for you is not one who lies to you about a drug addiction, or does not try to help himself for your (and his own) sake.

[EarthGirl2010]

You guys are great! I didn't know what kind of responses I would get on here, but everyone is so caring. That means the world to me. It would seem I have even more to think about now...

[Shadows Light]

I'm on board with everyone else here... don't marry this guy, not right now...and unless there are some drastic changes... maybe.............

 

You can love someone...but he obviously doesn't love himself...and if he can't love himself... does he really love you???

 

And you can't force a change on someone... they do it for themselves or not at all.

 

Do you want to end up baby-sitting this guy for the rest of his life.... not saying he can't clean up....but he's gotta do it.. admit he has a problem and take care of it. Blackmailing him into a stalemate of... do this or I will do that.... sets up a precidence for your "marriage" that you will have to follow up with.