Male 40, considering divorce in sexless, strained marriage

[Shadows Light]

Ronnie Girl....... oooooooohhhh hmmm are you thinking you are going through a mid-life crisis??? excellent web site by the way:

link removed

 

My soon to be ex is telling everyone that I am going through mid-life crisis. And he says our "marriage counselor" pointed it out first. I thought OMG... when did they say this. When I went to the counselor...they said.."No, you have real issues here... these are real issues... this is not a mid-life crisis...."

 

wwheeewwwww.... load of my mind. Read up on mid-life... its a stage like terrible twos, toddler years, adolencence, young adult hood... its a stage of your life... everyone goes through it.. everyone.,. you don't pass go and collect $200... everyone will go through mid-life stage... the degree to which it will hit them is different.

 

I'd have to agree with you... the decision to divorce is a difficult one. Very difficult. Especially when children are involved. I guess every situationn is different.... depending what all is WRONG in your marriage. If there is abuse going on... verbal/emotional abuse... hmmm... good book. also... "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans.

 

Be very careful about being labeled as going through mid-life crisis... just because you are 40 years old. I'm being labeled by dear Hubby and there are definable issues.

 

Me??? yes... children are involved. But you know what... I'd rather my children grow up seeing a strong mother. Someone who stands up for what she believes in. And I'd rather my children see a happy mother... not a mom who is a "step-ford" wife... going through the motions because life has dealt herr a bad hand...and a husband who is an A**. You know what I mean? I certainly don't want my kids being imprinted thinking "this" is the type of relationship that is right or good.... I don't want them choosing that for themselves. Which does happen more often than not. Little girls marry their daddy's and Little boys marry their mommy's. And in rare cases they'll got the total opposite extreme.

[ronniegirl]

mid of my life- yes Labels- hate them- Issues are issues and it doesn't matter when they arrive in life.

 

My question really is when is it over? Lack of sex, lack of communication- to me almost the same category- when do you call it a day in your marriage. I want to make sure this is the right decision. I want to try to make it work if it can. When is enough, enough? I remain confused.

[Shadows Light]

Ronnie-Girl.. you're welcome to PM me if you wish to talk. I'm sorry to digress from the orginal string... I mean no dis-respect from the original poster.

 

But here's the thing about knowing when its over. Years ago... a friend of mine told me it was over... he said he saw a lawyer and he was going to ask for a divorce. I was upset for them... and I mentioned it to my mother..and she said..."they won't get divorced..." how do you know?? she said..becuase when you are done... you don't ASK. You are done...and you just do it. How do you know when you are done... and she looked at me and said... "you'll know".... interesting... hmmmm... so I'd relayed that conversation to a good GF of mine... and she said..."Yup... You'll know. and you don't ask.... you do it." hmmmm still didn't understand.

 

Until the day came... and I was "done". I think I'd been going through a process for a long long time... you think about it... you try ever possible conceivable angle to fix it. You read every self-help book available... and you just limp along till something tips you over the edge... and the day that you are done... you will know... you are done.

 

And yes.......... you will contantly question yourself... because everyday wasn't bad... everyday wasn't from here to nuclear war....

 

So when does it end..... hmmmm... I'm in divorce court today... and the heat is turned up to 1000F these days... there are some days I just want to lay down and die..... but to what point.... so when does it end... the pain?? knowing that you tried everything and it didn't work......... I'm told the day that your divorce goes through is the day that you hit bottom...and then its up hill from there... good-luck to you. incidentally... my friend... never divorced... but he's still thinking about it and still looking at all the angles... 4 years later..... his excuse... not brave enough.