Married but falling in love with a friend?

[JeffreyS]

Hello! Hoping to get some advice here. I'm currently in a 5+ year committed relationship with a person I care very much about and am quite happy with. However, through a mutual friend of my partner and I, I recently met someone new. We hit it off immediately, and I thought we were on the road to a nice new friendship. We've exchanged e-mails and gotten together - none of it secretly or anything - but just as friends (I think). BUT...I find myself thinking more and more about this person, even in terms of a possible romantic relationship. I am very attracted to him and we have a lot of things in common. I have no idea how this other person feels though since they are pretty shy about this type of thing...and since they know I'm married may be reluctant to express any feelings of their own. I have no intention of having an affair, but I can't help but think of the relationship possibilities with this other person - who, by all accounts, is very similar physically and in other ways to my current partner (though, in some ways different too - in minor but positive ways that I find appealing). Do you think I'm just infatuated and it will pass? I've known this other person about a month. Do you think this signals something else on my part? I don't want to hurt my partner, risk our life toegther, or make a fool out of myself - yet I can't stop thinking about my new friend as more than a friend. Help!

[Gilgamesh]

When people first fall in love, at the beggining there is magic, your heart is flying, your in a glow, after time, we can still be happy and content in a relationship, but that early magic, the mystery, the freshness is gone.

 

This is what you long for, but guess what, even if you start something new, that will soon fade also! eventually.

 

The best thing you can do right now, is break it off with this new guy, your creating an image of something in your head, making him out to be your knight in shining armour, you want to believe that if your thinking about him, then that must mean there is something wrong with your current relationship, and if your current relationship is having problems, then its ok to pursue something with this guy. you see you are providing your own excuses to justify what you are doing.

 

All relationships need work and commitment, you dont switch cars everytime you run out of gas, you put more fuel into it!.

 

So my advice to you, break it off with this "friend" and thank your lucky stars for having found such a great man your with, and if your missing a little romance, hey that can be fixed!, invite your b/f to some exotic place, etc. if you continue with this little mental adventure, you'll keep building up reasons, and illusions to justify having something until you hurt the one that loves you, youll get hurt, and even if you do end up with this guy, do you think that he will be as reliable as your current B/F? and what happens after 4 years, you fall for another friend? think about that.

[JeffreyS]

...good points! I actually have had very similar thoughts, but wanted other perspectives too. Truthfully, this new friend and I are really meant to be friends (and we are enjoying our new friendship very much - he's a great person, and my partner likes him too) and noting more, so I'll enjoy my little feelings for what they are...infatuation...and, as it has in the past in similar situations, I'm sure that the infatuation will decrease and things will settle down.