Meeting the ex on Thursday!!! Help

[clarkster2005]

Hi, im probably not doing the right thing here, but i rang my ex last night for a chat and asked if she wanted to meet up this thursday. She agreed.

 

We broke up a bout 6 weeks ago, she dumped me. She says there were a few reasons as to why, but im still unsure as to what happened. Looking back i think it was insecurity. I met her not long after she split with her ex, so she was going to be wary. I didnt really do enough to make her feel secure and she felt that we wanted different things. I suppose we did to a point, but ultimatly I wanted the same as her, which was to be together.....so I thought. Its not as though we never did anything. we did loads, and she told me that i was her perfect boyfriend!!!! there wasnt nothing I would do for her....I suppose I just wanted to take things slow, as what had happened in her and my past, but I think she got the wrong idea and wanted to plan the future. I told her this and she understood, but I think she just saw the relationship going nowhere....she wasnt the greatest of communicators, which was another problem!!!!!

 

ANyway, I wanted to tell her this, that I had seen my mistakes and if it wasnt too lateand if she wanted to, that we could try and sort out the problems. When i rang, she sounded like shes moved on already, going out all the time, clubbing etc, no emotion in her voice at all, like we never met!!!!! not sure if it was an act or not.

 

Anyway, im unsure whether what i want to say will work, but I feel that if i dont try one more time to sort stuffout that i wont be able to move on!!!! Iknow that the odds arnt in my favour, but i need to tell her how it is............... Or shall I just leave well alone???

 

Please help

[DragonGirl724]

clarkster,

 

the best advice i can give you is to go there expecting nothing. the less you expect the less youll be let down. it sounds like there were reasons known & not known about the breakup. leave it be, as hard as it may be. see her this time for absolute closure ONLY...not to 'get back together'. b/c she will only return if her heart feels its best to. so there is nothing you can or cant do to make her come back. dont over analyze everything she says or does. be easy, put yourself first & foremost now & you can get past this. and come out of it stronger & wiser than ever before.

 

take care & goodluck,

-DG724

[clarkster2005]

Hey thanks,

 

This is the second time weve met up though since breaking up, so Im thinking whether i should go through with it. When we broke up it was all sudden, so I thought that maybe we should try and talk properly one week later, but I still didnt get any closure....

 

Its only now since then that Ive thought about what happened and seen that some of my mistakes caused this breakup, which is what i wanna tell her. Do you think its a good idea or not?????

 

I was thinking of writing a letter saying everything and then goodbye and goodluck.

[DragonGirl724]

i wrote my ex a letter, placing no blame on either of us, but i applogized for all the things i did wrong in the relationship. and leaving it open for friendship possibly in the future. i hand wrote it & left it on his doorstep...i know he got it but it was never spoken about again.

 

you probably were faced with the closure you need, but havent 'accepted' that thats it...its really over now. sometimes in a letter youre able to feel 'heard out' w/o interruptions and thats important. that may be the closure you need.

 

plus in a letter you can really think before writing it & edit it if needed. you wont forget to say something if you take your time to write it, unlike in person your mind may wonder onto soemthing else. and the recipiant can read it on their own time. there will be no awkwardness like there could be 1 on 1. youve said your piece & now you must take a deep breath & move on from this day forward.

 

so i recommend a handwritten letter being the last goodbyes...

 

goodluck,

-DG724

[clarkster2005]

If the letter is the way forward, then what do I do about us meeting up??? Do I cancel??? Or meet up and not talk about the relationship??

[DragonGirl724]

just say you have something to do. dude is it worth seeing her again & gettin worked up over it?

 

mail the letter. (she will get it, even if she doesnt respond to it). and just let it fade from there....

 

-DG724