I cant stand it! Please read... I need help

[Mythica]

I just cant stand it! My ex is just so... OHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just feel like screaming and crying and slapping and cussing and GRRRRRR! Now, all of my prized possesions are going missing! First, it is my personally hand crafted elephant, now it is my Rock Mix CD. One of my girl groupies took the elephant, and this guy who I was recently fighting with took the CD. You see, my best friend came over to swim, and he lives right behind me. Well, we were dancing to his fav kind of music just to tease him. AND IT WORKED! Holly, my bff, is really skinny and pretty. So, he came over and asked if I was still mad at him. But he only came over to stare at Holly! It makes me so *beep*ing mad that I just wanna punch him and cuss him out and get my bullies to beat him up... We call our tough friends our Bullies. If you don't like someone, they will beat them up. But I havent yet. But OOOOHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am just so frusterated!!!

This is about how mad I am!^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[PhoenixInATL]

Alright girl. I'm here to help. But you need to help me help you by backing up a bit and explain things in a sentance-to-sentance manner that we all can understand. I can get pieces of it, but I can't get the whole picture.

 

At first, you're clearly upset about your ex.

 

And then you're upset about some of you prized possessions that people that were close to you took.

 

And then you're jealous about your best male friend that lives right behind you taking an interest in your best female friend. True or not, you feel that's the case and are now considering getting the Bullies after him.

 

That's what I get out of all of this. I'd like to help, but I want to make sure I understand what's going on.

[Mythica]

Not best male friend. ex male regular friend. I am gonna give some names to tell the story.

 

Heath is the xmrf. He was staring at my bff holly. He wanted to be my friend again just so that he could stare at her. Can't stand it!

 

My ff, scarlett, took my clay elephant. She knows how much I love it, and she won't admit that she took it, even tho K saw her take it. I told her that I wouldn't be mad, but she still has it. I just want it back!

 

I found the CD, but I am still mad at Heath. This morning, Alesha kicked him in the groin for staring at Holly.

 

Now I am mad at Daynon and Bryan. You see, Daynon is Bryan's best bud, and Holly is my best bud. I like Daynon, she likes Bryan. And they both know it. Well, today, my ex gave me a very... colorful note. I showed it to Daynon. Daynon and I started to play around and he said that he didn't have it when I asked for it back. So I kept pulling on his shirt and saying "Give me the note." playfully. Finally he pushed himself up against the wall and said he didn't have it. Then, alesha stood on my right side, jo on my left, and holly next to me. So we had him surrounded, ya know, playingly. But then Bryan came out and he was all like, "Bryan! Help me! Help me Bryan!" So Bryan came and pushed him through using a gap tween Alesha and the wall. So, Daynon started to run, then Bryan after him, then Alesha after him, then me, holly, and jo walked after her. But when Alesha caught up to Bryan finally, she kicked him in the groin!!!!!! She seems to be doing that alot lately.

 

So there you have it. I hope I did not confuse you this time.

[PhoenixInATL]

Frankly, the part about Daynon and Bryon sounds like flirting!

 

Alesha really shouldn't be kicking anyone in the groin. Really...not only is it extremely painful it can cause a lot of damage. And frankly, it's not a cool way to act. There are other ways to "address concerns" than to do something so low. If anything, it makes her look bad.

 

Similarly with the Bullies...there's no reason to get anyone to go after anyone and beat them up. It doesn't work that way in adult life so hopefully you'll start to consider other ways to handle difficulties with other people.

 

Perhaps you can start with Scarlett. What if you asked K to come with you and ask her to give it back? In a decent way?

 

Regarding Heath, I doubt he'd be your friend just to stare at Holly. He could find other ways to do that. I can see why you'd feel insulted if you think that that's the only reason he wants to hang out with you.

 

I know it sounds like I'm contradicting everything you feel. Everything you feel is real and I don't deny that for a moment. But it seems like everything is colored with anger. Just as some people look at life "through rose-colored glasses" so that everything looks good, some people look at life through angry glasses so that every time they turn around they're affronted by something. Perhaps your perspective is coloring the way you percieve things.

 

What is it that's making you so angry, overall? Sure, I can see why a friend taking a prized possession makes you angry, but it seems like you're just angry in general over the other things. Are you frustrated in general with your life? Are you angry at things in school? Are you angry with your parents? It just seems to me like there's anger bleeding over from somewhere, and instead of feeling the source, you're feeling the symptoms.

 

It takes a lot of energy to be angry about everything. Try this--take a few breaths and try to figure out the root of your anger. Envision that if you were in a different person's body, that maybe you would look at some of this differently. Again, your friend taking your elephant, I can understand why you'd be angry. But there are a million ways to approach the situation. And really, as said, I doubt your male friends is only hanging out with you to look at Holly. And I think Daynon was flirting with you. But you're so clouded with anger you can't see those other possibilities. Maybe try roleplaying on a piece of paper and coming up with as many possibilities as you can why all three did what they did.

 

For example, clearly Scarlett took your elephant because of a reason. Is her family in such a way that they can't afford to buy her things like that? Or does she perhaps envy you personally, and having the elephant that belonged to you make her feel equitable to you? (Sounds strange, but people's motivations are sometimes "strange".) Could it be that she hasn't had the parenting that you have had, such that you know in your heart that you just don't steal from someone? If that's the case, how else are they neglecting her in general?

 

Regardless of the reason, at this point any confrontation with her about it is only going to lead to denial that she did it, out of pride. Really, if you stole something from someone and they came to you about it, even with proof in hand, you'll deny it to the death for pride's sake, or self-esteem's sake.

 

Perhaps you can turn this around to a lesson in kindness and understanding that maybe she needs. Buy her another elephant as a gift, tell her the one that she took is meaningful to you and you'd like to have it back, but you're willing to trade. I know that in the "justice system" that doesn't seem right, but in the end, perhaps you'll understand her better, she'll get a better understanding of how people feel about things that are meaningful to them, you'll have shown her some compassion and given her a way out, she'll be grateful to you, you'll be thankful you got your elephant back, and surprisingly enough, you may both understand the other a little more and, maybe beyond that, become great friends! It's really worth a shot.

 

There are many ways to handle situations without anger. In fact, if you can find a way to do that when you can, your life will feel much more peaceful. Right now you're letting situations dictate how you feel. It's not fun to be "seaweed" thrust to and fro in the currents of life. You're not seaweed. Regardless of what happens, you have control over your reactions to it and how it colors your life.