i feel like a fool.......

[helpneeded]

i thought i was doing very well with controlling myself and emotions and not contacting her.

we last txted on mon nite. it was her who txted me.

i was not planning to contact her in any way unless she contacted me.

 

so last nite was 5 days since i heard from her and it was also the only nite i decided to finally drink.......as my mates wanted a party. i got so drunk......i was out of my mind. i was shocked when she txted me but again, i replied. ended up txting over a few hours altho the txts were very spaced out.

by 3am......she asked wot does it take to ease the pain or heal the pain? will sacrifice help?

 

and i stupidly, insanely replied 'if u were next to me right now in my bed, but i can dream'

 

she didn't reply of course and i didn't realise i REALLY said THAT until i looked at my fone this morning. so i txted and said '**** i'm sorry, i'm an idiot, ignore wot i said' and she replied 'don't worry, understand'.

 

so eventually i txted saying 'sobered up now. so how r u and how have u been?' but no reply.

 

i think i'm digging myself a deeper and deeper hole.

 

i will go back to not contacting her again and wait and c when i next hear from her.

[providentielle]

Why are you waiting for her to contact you? It sounds like you are hoping she will change her mind and you can be a couple again, but I cant see how that will help. If she has made it clear that she does not want a relationship you need to start putting yourself first. If you cant just be friends right now then tell her and she will have to respect that. You can only start to get over her using no contact when you come to terms with the fact that you will not be together again. It's only when you realise there is no hope that you can do that. I know how much this hurts now and how you want so much to be with her again and only time and distance can make you feel any better. Good luck

[helpneeded]

thank u for ur reply. i'm waiting for her to contact me cos i want to be friends. i know it sounds stupid that i want to skip out NC stage, but by not contacting her initally, i'm working on my feelings and i can control myself nowadays. i couldn't ever do that b4, but i'm coming to terms with the fact that nothing will happen between us, not now anyway.....i've finally accepted this. its just hard knowing that neither of our feelings have changed. its like having to reverse it all and pretend i never found out.

i can't rule out......no one can rule out that nothing will happen between us again in the future. maybe our timing will be right next time. but i can't totally just eradicate her from my life. she's a very special friend, always has been, and i care in every kind of way. i will hold back my feelings if need be. i don't want her to think that i've moved on so well that i've forgotten her.

[magicfly]

hi there...

just split with my partner too... going through that whole "do i contact her or not" phase.... i think the answer (as horrible as it feels to be) is that you just have to stop.... basically when seeing them or talking to them hurts more than not being in contact with them, you knw you have to step back

why is life so complicated.... just want to be happy, yet it seems so hard to find

[helpneeded]

sorry to hear that. i understand.

but i've gone thru that stage so many times with her that it feels right this time, i'm finally ready to let this go. which is y i'm not contacting her. i'd rather know its her whos making the effort. i'm in a slightly different position now. all the other times, i'd cling on to her and always end up stupidly contacting her. i don't do that anymore. but as i've said, i will reply to her txt when she does txt. it doesn't hurt like it did before. its hard to explain. and i don't know whether its cos i've finally realised it's for the best.

good luck with ur healing, i'm sure we'll both do great!

[providentielle]

If you two ar going to be friends then you dont need to wait for her to contact you all the time. You might find it easier if you took the first step sometimes, you might feel more in control of what you are feeling. I know how hard your situation is, I hope it gets easier in time, I wish you lots of luck and happiness

[helpneeded]

yes i would like to remain friends.....but i don't know wot she wants. and i don't think i'm in the position to contact her. i want her to come to me. i need some pride back, i need some security to make our friendship work.

lots of times before, i was in denial, i thought i could just be 'friends' but each time, this wasn't the case. i still wanted her, she still wanted me. the way she acted was no different, the things she said etc.

but i'm serious this time, normal friends. once we're back on track and have regained our normal friendship, then of course i'll be willing to contact her first etc....but right now......it's just all a mess and we both need time to find out wot our heads and hearts want....especially her.

 

thanks so much for ur kind words! it really does help.