Shaken after breakup. They threatened to self-harm.

[losoxokape]

I went over to my now-ex's house a few days back to break things off with her. We weren't together long, but my gut feeling told me something was right. I thought perhaps I wasn't ready for a relationship, and I was open to the idea of conciliation down the road after I'd figured out what was up with me. We ended up talking for a while and whilst we were both emotional, for the most part we kept our cool. But then I couldn't leave. She's self-harmed in the past, and implied doing it when I left. I didn't just want to leave the property for fear of her harming herself, but I wanted to leave for my own safety. Eventually I did. She's been online the last few days so I know she's okay. But it's shaken me up a little. I've got the entire event audio recorded so I'd like to think I'm protected from any repercussions, but still...not a pleasant experience.

 

I haven't exactly had a great track record with women, so it's hard to keep my head up about future romantic prospects.

[pippy longstocking]

It is never nice to see or hear of someone hurting themselves , especially worse if you feel you take some blame for it , so let me assure you this is her problem not yours . You ending it was your right to do so and for her she has to now get herself together and cope .

 

Let me give you one piece of advice though ....talking about reconciling down the line is probably the worst thing anyone can do , it keeps the person who has being dumped in a place of hope and they do not move on , it simply isn't fair , same as keeping someone you just dumped as a friend ...they are only reciprocating the friendship because it keeps the door open in the hope of a recon . End it and walk away with no promises of anything is my advice to anyone who is about to end a relationship . If further down the line you do feel you/anyone made a mistake then it is up to you to reach out .

[losoxokape]

It is never nice to see or hear of someone hurting themselves , especially worse if you feel you take some blame for it , so let me assure you this is her problem not yours . You ending it was your right to do so and for her she has to now get herself together and cope .

 

Let me give you one piece of advice though ....talking about reconciling down the line is probably the worst thing anyone can do , it keeps the person who has being dumped in a place of hope and they do not move on , it simply isn't fair , same as keeping someone you just dumped as a friend ...they are only reciprocating the friendship because it keeps the door open in the hope of a recon . End it and walk away with no promises of anything is my advice to anyone who is about to end a relationship . If further down the line you do feel you/anyone made a mistake then it is up to you to reach out .

 

I'm trying to avoid putting too much information out there so sorry for not being clear; I didn't make any promises and made her aware it was a break-up. I said I needed the time to myself, and it felt wrong being with someone I couldn't put 100% towards. I did say however that after some time apart maybe we could reach out but that was the only "confirmation" I gave her. I wouldn't want to lead her on.

 

But yes, I understand. I just feel incredibly guilty because this could have perhaps been avoided if I'd recognized sooner I wasn't ready. Truthfully I didn't know until it became official. I know I had to do this to find myself again, but I'm still angry with myself for it.

[pippy longstocking]

I'm trying to avoid putting too much information out there so sorry for not being clear; I didn't make any promises and made her aware it was a break-up. I said I needed the time to myself, and it felt wrong being with someone I couldn't put 100% towards. I did say however that after some time apart maybe we could reach out but that was the only "confirmation" I gave her. I wouldn't want to lead her on.

 

But yes, I understand. I just feel incredibly guilty because this could have perhaps been avoided if I'd recognized sooner I wasn't ready. Truthfully I didn't know until it became official. I know I had to do this to find myself again, but I'm still angry with myself for it.

 

I don't see any reason for you to beat yourself up , although to be fair , any of us would feel a little upset , it was actually very wrong of her to insinuate that she was going to do it and put it on you in that way . However I don't want to be cruel to her , she has issues , she has mental health issues , as I do , and sometimes emotions take over to such a degree you find yourself saying and doing stuff that afterwards you wish you hadn't , or wish you could stop etc etc ....But for you , you saw it wasn't working and you acted in the right way , you ended it . So please don't beat yourself up . It is very common you know , many people come on here worried an ex will hurt themselves , it is just raw emotion that then usually settles down .