A small milestone for me...

[tarheelfan]

Okay... I know this sounds SO much like "not a big deal"... but it was a huge revelation for me and I wanted to share.

 

I am still in that "please, please, please call me" stage. I just wish she would call. I sit at work with my cell phone by my computer and just KNOW she will call me.

 

Well... today... I left my cellphone in my car and didn't even realize it until after lunch. That's big for me.

 

So thanks for all of your good advice... it is getting me through little by little. But not even realizing that I wasn't waiting by the phone and didn't know it... well... that was an EXCELLENT moment in my life!

[CarrieB123]

=D>

 

GOOD FOR YOU, ONE DAY/STEP/REVOLATION AT A TIME!!!

[bellaBH]

congrats.

[hockeyboy]

I am still in that "please, please, please call me" stage. I just wish she would call. I sit at work with my cell phone by my computer and just KNOW she will call me.

 

when i was going through this stage, i used to leave my cellphone at home all day. when i went out i left it in the car, when i slept i left it in the kitchen. it helped.

[crashin]

I never thought about it, but before my ex broke up with me i would shut my phone off before i went to sleep. After the break I kept it on 24 hrs. I have just recently started shutting the phone off some nights. Baby steps.

 

crawl/walk/run. Keep it up, I ve been told it gets better.

[tarheelfan]

You know crashin... I was thinking about the same thing. Only difference with me was that I kept it by my side 24 hours a day WHEN we were together in hopes she'd call.

 

Now... if I turn it off... I'll have NO WAY of knowing if she called or not unless she leaves a voice mail. I don't think it will record "missed calls" if the phone is off. I may try that!

[crashin]

Yeah, thats why had been keeping the phone on....hoping she would call and not wanting to miss it if she did.

 

I am finally starting to realize she is not calling which is making it easier to shut off the phone. I guess it has something to do with the letting go part of the healing process.

[Wimpy]

Talking of baby steps I took a few myself this week. I had my hotmail account set up so that if he e-mailed me I'd get the message on my phone. (He's now living in a country without a compatible mobile phone signal so I knew he'd never CALL my cell again). The other day I disabled the "alert" on my hotmail account so now if I get a message I know it's NOT telling me he's sent me an e-mail - it's simply a message from a family member or friend. I was sitting by my mobile almost 24/7 hoping it would beep. Now I need to try and stop checking my hotmail account every few hours to see if there's a message.....

 

Each day that goes by I realise he's not going to change his mind. He's done what he wanted, in the most cruel and heartless way and I'm trying to come to terms with the fact it's over. That's REALLY tough

[Royltnxile]

Question for you guys on here, Hockey, Tarheel...etc..etc...

I"m very much in this stage as well. I don't carry my cell around all the time like I used to. Over the past month or so my ex has tried both my home and cell phones twice...NO MESSAGES either time.

 

How would you guys react to that?

 

What would you take it to mean?

 

Would you call her back just because her # is on your called ID? Personally, I treated them like I didnt even know she called. If she had left a message I would have probably called back.

 

Since I sent her a note a couple weeks ago I have had a few "blocked calls" registering on my cell phone...which is very strange because telemarketers dont' call cell phones. Could it be her playing games?

 

Do the ex's call sometimes and not leave messages just to see if you will call them back?

 

Believe me, I know fully what this feels like to think every time the phone rings to be wishing and thinking it was HER....if only it were HER calling to say "I miss you and I'm coming back to you". I know how much it sucks.

 

What will probably happen to all of us is that SHE will call when we least expect it and aren't even thinking about her at all, or with another girl having a good time. Seems to be how this crap always works doesnt it?

[hockeyboy]

its good you did not pick up. my ex played the same kind of games.

 

i didnt talk to my ex for 6 weeks once. she called and didnt leave a message. i debated for a week about it and finally called her. for the next month or two we talked...she wanted to get back together but the slightest little thing set her off and now we're back to not talking.

 

i wish i didnt call her back...but lesson learned. now she has sent me a text message. just reading what you wrote made me realize all this...i learned my lesson back in november...im not going to communicate back...nor should you

[tarheelfan]

Royltnxile,

 

Just my take on it... but if they AREN'T leaving a message, it would seem that they are wanting YOU to call. It's like a power thing. Plus, if they are calling they will likely be in a good place to talk. What if you call back and they are flip or "too busy right now". That would make you feel AWFUL.

 

I say... if they call and you pick up great. If they don't leave a message... don't call back. I think it makes us look weak "OH Oh I saw where you had called! Did you need me?" Nah... let it go. Right now... YOU are in control if your ex is calling YOU.

[gizza]

see my 'no contact i cracked' post

 

was doing all the right things then i cracked and sent her a text etc

 

was the wrong thing to do i know - but its out there now

 

uuurrrrrggggg

[tarheelfan]

I'll look for it gizza. I'm interested in hearing about it.

[tarheelfan]

Just read it gizza. Don't feel bad. I did it over a week ago. Just a nice nice message. Nothing in return... ah... screw her.

[Royltnxile]

Tarheelfan,

 

You are correct sir. I agree with what you said about the control...etc...etc...and making yourself look weak. After blowing her no messages calls off, and no contact for a month I sent her a card and a note simply because I wanted to put some feelings out there for her to have in her hand whenever she wanted to refer to them....and havent heard from her since/yet. I think I emotionally blew her away with some of the things I let her know I am aware of (her issues). It was a good note, not beggy or pleady, or whiny...just some thoughts on paper.

 

Maybe I shouldnt have sent that, but my feeling is that you have to sometimes remind them that you are there so they don't forget about you completely. I haven't, however, called her. The last time we did talk on the phone, her last words were "Ill give you a call"...she must have had 2nd thoughts about that cause she waited 2 weeks before she made those 2 calls without messages. F*ck it, she knows how to get ahold of me. I don't feel I'm the one to be calling her.

 

So you are right on the money on this one Tarheel and Hockey.

[didyoumissme]

You know crashin... I was thinking about the same thing. Only difference with me was that I kept it by my side 24 hours a day WHEN we were together in hopes she'd call.

 

Now... if I turn it off... I'll have NO WAY of knowing if she called or not unless she leaves a voice mail. I don't think it will record "missed calls" if the phone is off. I may try that!

Nope, if the phone is off it won't record any missed calls.