How is everyone doing with their breakups this weekend?

[Marko]

Right after my break up, I heard things I didn't want to hear from my friends.

 

If only I listened, because i have since seen her and other things of our relationship in a different light.

 

Somtimes it pays to hear the blunt truth.

 

(tho I don't remember what DN said)

[vhshowdown]

I took the phone off the hook for the entire weekend, seems to be helping, so I dont have to worry if she calls or not... Other than that, watched more movies than I have in my life.... LOL

 

That and starting to throw stuff away, just to keep busy..

[Jaela]

I think one of DN's posts was deleted? I dunno, it was here earlier and now it's gone.

 

Marko, now I'm curious to hear, what brought you to Florida? Only if you feel like sharing, of course! I'm living at home with the folks right now too. I returned to the States last May after living abroad for four years, so my folks are kind enough to help me out financially as I finish off my last semester for my associates. Living at home right now may not be ideal, but it is certainly helping out my financial situation a ton so I'm grateful for their support at this point. I can understand the frusteration of not quite being where you're striving to be, though!

[djedix]

I haven't heard from my ex since early feb.... but you know what i lost all respect for her just for the simple fact she couldn't reply to an email i sent back then and poured my heart and soul into it. NC doesn't bother me one bit, i've deleted her phone Number, and IM name, and i don't ever look back.

 

To be honest with you, i'm already thinking about someone else, who i've become better friends with over the past few weeks. And this person is keeping me undepressed the past 2 weeks, and i feel so, so, so good just when she's around. I'm trying to find myself again, before i enter another relationship, and right now I want to be alone. I got a hair cut and people were commenting on how i've been loosing weight, and everything is so positve around me right now, it makes me feel like it's so much better this way.

 

I still think of her from time to time, but i know she's the past, and I can't live in the past, and i don't ever want to look back. I'm most certin there's someone else out there who will be everything she claimed she would be. And I'll be eagry waiting that person when they are brought into my life, whenever it is. Someone will respect my love when they find me, or i find them... It's as simple as that. Hang in there, it gets so much better as time goes on.

[Marko]

Well I guess in a round about sort of way, I moved down here just so I could get my heart broken and learn a lesson

 

Actually,my folks retired down here, and my grandma lives with them. Most of my family is here.

 

i dropped out of graduate school and figured I would try living down here cuz they wanted me here so badly. I missed them and i wanted to be around my grandma while I could. i also wanted to save $$ and get out of debt.

 

I hated it from the get go. Then i fell into my relationship and we busted up. I freaked out, flew to chicago, quit my job and spent ALL the $$ I had been saving...w/ the exception of a few hundred dollars.

 

Now I am back at square 1, broke, homesick and lonely. I plan on moving back to Chicago by June.

 

Its gonna break their heart, but i just can't find myself in this state and nobody seems to "get me" here.

 

I tried to tell them, all the things I like, are NOT here, but they don't understand and get mad/hurt.

[Jaela]

Argh, ex called about an hour ago and it totally put me into a slump. I didn't answer the phone, but seeing his name and number appear on my cell phone made me cry. I'm feeling really horrid right now. Thank goodness Austin Powers 'Goldmember' was playing on tv. That movie is so ridiculously off the wall and stupid, I could actually laugh through my tears.

 

Sigh. I'm going to write him a short email tomorrow and tell him to stop contacting me. I'm going to change my phone number if he doesn't oblige. The emotional torment of our past is horrible enough. This is definitely a situation where my heart and head are in direct conflict, and I will never heal if he doesn't leave me alone. I'm so scared I will go back to him ... I must remember the abuse, and not think of the good times ... and remind myself that I will feel much better soon. I just need to remain strong. I've tried so many times to make this work before, and it just hasn't. He was controlling and manipulative, and downright vicious at times. He knew my weak spots, and preyed on them.

 

Sorry for the semi-rant guys, I just needed to release some emotion.

[alona125]

Jaela,

 

I am in the same boat you are in too. I also found comfort watching Austin Powers.

Good for you for not answering! I was stupid today though, and answered my ex's call. Read my post, long story. To make it short, he yelled and accused me again, and i tried to reach him, and I am even worse off than I was. I will never do that again, and I am proud of you for resisting it.

Just remember the abuse. I am in the same situation. Verball abuse and manipulation all the time. I don't get tempted to call when I think of that.

I too may change my number, I don't know if he will call me after everything, maybe once he cools off, but there were so many horrible memories, I just want to move on.

You are very smart to write that email tomorrow. The sooner you do it, the sooner we all do, the sooner we can move on with our lives into happiness.

[Jaela]

Hey Alona, thanks for the wonderful words of encouragement, girl. I just finished writing you a massive pm. It came out a bit longer than I intended, hehe. I think I'm going to head to sleep now and try to put this funkish mood behind me.

 

Tomorrow will bring better times, I'm sure. Night all.

[Bibora]

Is the question still up, or is the conversation off-topic?

 

Anyway, i had a nice weekend (specially saturday). Went out with some friends to dinner in some special festival. It was cool, lots of fun, throwing food at each other... drinking... eating... After that went to a disco and tried to enjoy all evening. Too bad... Didn't got drunk this tme

 

I really need more days like this.

[Jaela]

* pries eyes open at work *

 

Mmm, tea. Mmm. Hey Bibora, thanks for sharing your fun and active weekend, sounds like you had a blast! \ I especially enjoyed the part about you guys throwing food at each other. What type of festival was it that you attended?

[mrNobody]

Still very say and lonely. I ended up getting the flu over the weekend. I tried sleeping Saturday night, but my head was pounding so hard. I just couldn't stop thinking of her. I wish she would change her mind and come back. I just don't think it's gonna happen

[neverlearn]

MrNobody:

Sorry to hear you are not feeling well. Having the flu on top of a break up can't be much fun.

I know how you feel. I too wanted to call me ex just to get some clarity, just the ask the question I've asked a thousand times, Why? But I'm sure I'd get the same answer, "I don't have an answer for you." How can you tell someone, "yea, I know I don't show it, but I appreciate everything you've done for me," then turn around an treat them like dirt? It's driving me crazy. That the obsessive part of me taking control, that need to know. At least I recognize it. The long short is, we just have to fight it. NC is the way to go. Hang in there, bro!

[Bibora]

* pries eyes open at work *

 

Mmm, tea. Mmm. Hey Bibora, thanks for sharing your fun and active weekend, sounds like you had a blast! \ I especially enjoyed the part about you guys throwing food at each other. What type of festival was it that you attended?

 

hehehe

it was great fun indeed. I don't know the english term for it, but its a sort of a food fair (dunno if i spelled it right). Lots of small restaurant, each representing different regions of Portugal (food wise of course).

Pretty crowded. In case you don't know, here in Portugal we love to eat and drink alot . For you to know we had to wait around 2 hours to get a table to eat. But it was worth the wait. (although i don't know if the owner of that "restaurant" we went, did like to have us their )

[dfreitas]

I was wondering if everyone else was still out there struggling. I last heard from mine fri everythign was okay gonna work it out was suppose to call him after my play he even l;eft a message at 6 on fir said I love you dont cheat on me call you later well around 930 I called it was after the play and he swore hed be home and answer and all this well guess what no answer, on any phone, no call all night long. Sat I check my cell and no missed call came up but there was a call with his number registered at 12:36p.m. Never left a message or called back or anything I never heard it ring, I dont think I was seeing things but if you ask me why does he call at 1230, he must have been out Iam convinced he has someone else and cant tell me. anyway, he hasnt called I called sat and sunday then finally gave up he didnt even call to ask how opening night went and all before that he was like you will do well onyour play yadda yadd so now it is just like he disappeared he knew I was trying to get ahold of him he has cheated or is with someone and doesnt have the guts that is ALL I can come up with so today is my new fresh start day and I havent called AT ALL actually I didnt call at all after yesterday morning so that is a many hours for me. Ive always been unabel to do the NC thing but I am not calling and convincing myself he no longer exist I cannot believe it though and I am smashed into the ground imaginging him having someone esle after six years and just out of the blue and the whole problem was he didnt want to be WITH anyone full time, he wanted me only but didnt want like to marry or anything I can t imagine him goign out and actually dating someone else btu who knows it doesnt matter and in a book I read needed closure----forget it it is going to end no matter what and it will be a messeither way so the quicker to get over it the better. Ive never really ahd my heart broken before i havent really been with only my husband and now this one, Im divorced now of course but it was mutual this is my first dramatic love and real broken heart six years id put everything all of me into it. Sighhhhh

[dfreitas]

I want to go to a festival. Sounds like Portugal is alot more fun than it is here. There is not that much to do here ya know? Do you swim alot too?

Mr. Nobody I know how you feel I know my guy is not coming back either. I just keep telling myself there is nothing I can do it is his loss. There is nothign I can do then I crawl thru one more hour of nc and push on for another I am trying to convince myself that he does not exist and it was all a nightmare and after six years I finally woke up there is nothing else i can do.

[Jaela]

Dfreitas, I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. I suppose the one thing that stands out to me is that you've been involved with this guy for six years. That is a very, very long time. My longest relationship thus far has been five years, so I can somewhat relate. But this guy seems to be royally jerking you around right now, and it is obvious that your trust in him is shattered. What exactly is his position on yours and his relationship? Has he even bothered to clarify it for you? And are you looking to find a relationship where you'll eventually become married?

 

After six years, if he doesn't start coming up with answers for you soon, I would cut him from your life. How many more days are you going to allow him to waste of yours? You have a healing process to go through, especially after six years with being with someone! (Gosh, and look how he's jerking you around!) My concern is, by keeping in contact, you are prolonging or not allowing healing time, or a chance of moving forward from this relationship. Six years, girl! Put your foot down. Don't allow him to steal one more minute from you.

[Bibora]

I want to go to a festival. Sounds like Portugal is alot more fun than it is here. There is not that much to do here ya know? Do you swim alot too?

 

Hey there dfreitas, how you doing?

Well until summer its just a few month and then there will be plenty of festival to pick and go. Usually summer here is full of it. I'll be going at least to one for sure. The groups which are coming are nothing less of impressive at least to my taste (names like The Prodigy, System of a Down, Audioslave, Iggy Pop or Marilyn Manson to name a few). So i'm there for sure. Hopefully to more than one. And can't forget that there will some concerts i'll attend too. For a start already got my ticket for the U2 concert (6 month before it, and it's already sold out). And im gonna get a ticket for Iron Maiden too. Plenty of music for me

So i guess this year there will be lots of fun yet to come. And next year will be even better with Rock in Lisboa 2006

 

About swimming, well i only go for beach to swim at summer. During winter i usually don't go. Although i'm planning on start to going to a swimming pool during week after work.

 

But where you live or at least somehow near it doesn't happen nothing fun? No festival or something?

[dfreitas]

I just cannot do this, I am having an attack I guess today.. Ive been fighting int like h*** but today is a big downer. I just dont understand. everything was okay then all of the sudden he just quit everything no calls no thing doesnt wan tot see me anymore just wants to STOP it all and no , absolutely no reason at all how can someone love and be in love and all of that for six years without waver and all of the sudden just STOP no there i sno explanation. nothing. Im broken. I woke up this mornign got int he shower and why's flooded my mind why why why he justwont tell me anything. I try and try to fight the pain but I dont know what to do it gets the best of me sometimes and now it is really going beserk. I jsut cant believe it I know I jsut need to let it go and move on but for the last six years Ive done nothing but be intotal love with him everything has been about he and I and now POOF its gone and I did nothing but love and want him and he knows that i just cant believe that our love meant so little that he could be so cruel why is he doing this does anyone have any idea. It was forever that we would be together. Six years and nothing was wrong we were like family it is just a SHOCKER that this has happened why would a man all of the sudden do this, there wasnt even a conversation like I m sorry but this is what I feel we must do or anything just Closed a door with nothing, absolutely nothing. I just cant believe it. I jsut cant handle it. Why do you think for what reasons is it possible he can just shut off liek a faucet and quit loving me. I was the best htink he ever ever had and that is the truth he knows that and he knows I am the best thing he will ever had and HE knows how much I loved him he honestly does so why would he do this?????

[djedix]

How can someone come up to you and tell you they've loved you for the past 5 years, even thou you havent heard/seen from them? How can someone say they want to start a family with you, and have kids, and have a house, and grow old togeather, then just throw it all back in your face, along with the engagment ring? I don't know. I don't have it in my heart to EVER put another human being through that, yet it's happened to me. I don't want to understand it anymore. I want to froget it, and I want to move on and let love find someone for me who want's all those things I want.

 

People say things they think they mean, deep down inside they might not. I can't tell you why the leave, Or if they are coming back. I know it's not fair, but there is nothing you can do, really. They made a decision to leave, for whatever reasons they are thinking in their head. Let them go thou, because when you find someone who truly means what they say, and ends up being with you the rest of your life, you'll be so much better off. If you sit around waiting, you'll kill yourself with grief.

 

I'm so pissed at myself for allowing someone to do what they did to me, but i'm doing everything i possibly can to better myself. I want a house, some kids, and to grow old with someone, but now i got MORE time to look for someone who's going to be true as I am. I'm not going to tear my heart open for someone who doesn't care, and you shouldn't eather. Because if they cared or truly loved you like they said they did so many times, they wouldn't have left in the first place.

[dfreitas]

I guess you are right. If someone really really loved you they couldnt do this. What happened did they just think they loved you for all those years? Its unbelievable. I have no idea why. Your reply really helped any reply helps. Its all I can do to race here and get on to talk to someone. i just hate it. I just wish I knew, I wish I knew how it could happen this is like a nightmare I cant believe it is happening to us really. He is done. that is it. Who knows why or what he is thinking or what he based his decision on. I just keep thinking if there was a reason it would help but I guess it wouldnt matter it would hurt the same. I hate the aching feeling. i feel like I could jsut curl up and die.

[djedix]

I think in my case I was always the golden pedistal. I was always what she always wanted from someone else, and thought to her self all those years if i only coulda been with him... She saw what i went thought on a daily basis in HS with other girls, and how I was nice to them, and the crap i did for them... I know she wanted that. We didn't speak after HS for 5 years, so she's going to think I am the same person, which i'm not. I've changed since then. I'm Independent, I work 9-5, I have a good job, I am very mature. She always said sometimes i don't know how old I am. What's wrong with being mature at 24? I always felt she was jealous of what I had, I have a great family, and she always thought i had alot of money, because i work and buy myself stuff that I want. I don't think her family life was as good. She has a very controling mother, and her father was a Drunk most of her childhood. I never got into it with her, because she never let me in, and told me anything. I think they played a part in the break, in some way. I don't know like I said. I can't read minds. I wish I knew what she was thinking, because I had offered her everything she said she ever wanted, and then instantly She didn't want it anymore. But i shoulda expected it from her, because she always seems to run when things arent going the way she likes. She did it to my best friend in HS and she did it to me 5 years later. Ironic eh?

 

I don't hurt anymore. That feeling gut wrenching feeling went away. It will with you in time. Like i've said to others, and i've done for my self, get back to being you. you will think about it from time to time. I thought about it thismorning after hearing some song on the radio, and i wanted to cry, but i couldn't. It's hard to say remember the good times, because they just make you want them back even more. try not to obsess about it, i highly doubt you'll be alone forever if that's what your thinking. It's ok to be alone for a while. I'm enjoying it so much right now. It will help you heal. You just gotta keep busy, and do things for you again. It's ok to come back here and read stuff, but it makes u sad, just close the page and getoutta her for a while. Eventually you'll come here like me and beable to try to help those who are going through what you yourself did. Trust me if i could be superman and save everyone on this fourm and make everything back the way it used to be when it was good, i would. But i can't, and no one can. Go look for a new adventure in life, and you'll find someone better on your way.

 

Love is the greatest feeling in the world when it's good, and when it leaves it's the worse pain in the world. Your heart will heal, and will learn to Love again...