inthegreyzone Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 I have been gay for twenty years now, and have recently encountered a woman who is supposedly straight. WE share some mutual friends and have been just on a "hello" term for a few years. Over the past two months we have commutted together, gone out with friends and communicate well.It took me a while to realize that many things she has referenced to and said are more than just friendly comments. I am having much difficulty addressing this with her and am looking at it from the percpective that she is straight yet she has only been in one 6 month relationship with a man 5 years ago. Do I ride the wave and wait , let it go and continue to think of her as straight, ? Looking for a wise minded advisor. Link to comment
mt_joy Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 Flirt with her directly and see how she takes it. Approach this in a joking way. Maybe she's "in the closet" and scared to come out. Good luck! Link to comment
Cadence308 Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 Hi, I just read your post and wanted to respond. It's really hard to say what your friend's sexual orientation is. She could be really into her job and that might be her top priority. She could be struggling with her sexual orientation. Or maybe she just hasn't met the right man, yet, or is shy and hasn't had opportunities to meet men. I am 26 yrs old and considered myself straight up until 8 mos. ago. I'm a virgin and haven't ever been with a man or a woman. People tell me that I'm an attractive woman and I've NEVER had any problems getting dates with men. In fact, during the summers I was dating 2-3 different guys a week, but I just never became interested in any of them. I really haven't had a boyfriend since I was about 15. I had experienced crushes on both men and women, but my relationships with women were always more emotional and intimate than that with men and for the most part, I have preferred my relationships with women. It's a long story about how I came to realize that I'm a lesbian. I forgot to mention that I have been really busy with my education and just finished my masters degree one year ago, so dating and having boyfriends weren't always a priority. I hope that my personal experience gave you more insight into your friend. I really think that you should spend a little more time getting to know her and maybe your friendship can get to the level of comfort to where you can just come out and ask her about her relationship experiences. It's just too hard to tell. Your friend may really think that she's straight and that she hasn't met the right man, like I thought, but if she's open to her feelings like I became, she may realize that she's a lesbian. Does your friend know that you are a lesbian? Keep us posted! Link to comment
inthegreyzone Posted February 18, 2005 Author Share Posted February 18, 2005 She is totally aware I am gay and is aware of my past relationships and is accepting of me and other gay friends she has, we are over 38 years old, yet I tend to disregard comments, subtle hints from someone I perceive as straight. As of late I realize that the comments are more than just friendly yet I do not want to be the first to approach the matter. Link to comment
Cadence308 Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 I don't understand why you don't want to approach the matter with this woman. She knows you are gay and you both have mutual friends who are gay. She is open to this and obviously accepting. I think if she knew of your feelings towards her she would most likely be flattered rather than repulsed by your attraction to her even if the feelings weren't mutual. Most people have the most difficult time trying to find out how their friend feels about gay people. You already know this and are at the "are you stage..." If this were me, I would try to get in more one-on-one situations with this woman to get to know her better and find out more about her relationships. Get her digits, ask her to dinner. Don't play mind games! I learned that the hard way. At dinner, ask her about her dating prospects, her lifelong goals. Link to comment
mgirl Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Hmm, she could be interested. I would do as somebody else suggested, just outright flirt with her. Or ask her out for a date. Or initiate a conversation with her on how it is hard to tell someone you like them. Or tell her straight out you think you are getting 'signals' from her. It is hard to tell. She could just be 'being nice' to you, or she could like you. You'll never know until you try. One of you has to break the ice. Link to comment
Cadence308 Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 mgirl is right, you need to just ask her. I've learned that mind games are too hard and frustrating to play. The best way to know for sure if someone likes you is to just ask them. If they can't be honest if you ask, then that's their problem! Link to comment
inthegreyzone Posted March 6, 2005 Author Share Posted March 6, 2005 We finally talked, feelings are mutual, ice is broken and we are moving forward, slowly but surely, is nice! Link to comment
Cadence308 Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 That's great! I am so happy for you. At least someone on this lesbian/gay/bi/transgender is scoring. Did you finally tell her your feelings for her and she told you it's mutual? Link to comment
mgirl Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 That's fantastic inthe(i bet you're not)greyzone! I hope the two of you can have the foundations to build a long and fruitful relationship Link to comment
inthegreyzone Posted March 10, 2005 Author Share Posted March 10, 2005 Life is great,sharing with her is great, being with her is fine,so fine, I am living my life, she is living hers, we come together, is nice. Thanks to all. Never thought I would be with someone who is healthy, wise, positive and has integrity!! Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now