I'm shy, could use some advice

[Sephirenn]

Basically, I used to be incredibly painfully shy back in high school. I was actually on paxil for about 2 months, and it helped, but only physically. I used to get nausiated and feel like crap before I'd head off to a party or something, but now I don't. However, on the whole talking aspect, I'm the same as I've always been. It's just so hard for me to talk to women. I'm 20 and a college student. I've never had a "girlfriend" before, but I have dated women for semi-prolonged amounts of time. And I've got female friends also, but I don't think I've ever acted myself in front of them. I think I'm a decently attractive guy, a little skinny though

 

So I'm asking 2 things. Does anyone know a method of some sort that can get me to just open a conversation with a female that i've never met? Cause I know that's what you're "supposed" to do at partys and at bars and such. I figure that I could hopefully keep a conversation semi-going if I could get over my fear of acting dumb or sounding dumb or just to actually approach a woman.

 

Secondly, I've got a friend (Lindsay) of a friend (Brett) that I really like. There's a possibility she might know (from Brett), but I have no idea. I guess you could say we're friends, but we havn't ever really hung out that much. I don't really see her that often, but I do have her number from a party that we set up for Brett a few weeks ago. I've got her AOL IM also but we never talk and she's not really online too much. Is there an appropriate way for me to start up a conversation with her without looking like an obsessive freak? And how could I bring up the subject of my attraction to her? Is it too weird? I'm just afraid she wouldn't like me "like that" and then tell Brett and then mine and Brett's friendship would be kinda weird. Any advice would be great!

[bzborow1]

It's not easy getting over being shy, but I do think shyness has it's reasons. You don't seem overly-confident of yourself and your abilities. The key to shyness is overcoming your confidence issues. You gotta believe man...hehe!!!!!!!!!!!

 

As for your friend of a friend. Why not just e-mail her, call her, or whatever askin her to go to coffee with you??? Don't say anything other then you want to go to coffee w/her. You can chat for a while and feel things out, maybe ask her to do something more serious afterwards.

[Radix]

This will definitely work for you.

 

Just start by asking her what she likes to do for fun and build on that. You'll be talking about something that SHE is interested in, and most likely you'll be able to keep the conversation going by referring back to other interests that come up during the previous topic.

 

Interested is interesting. If you are talking about something she has an interest in, she'll want to talk about it, and in return to you're having listened to her, she'll listen to you.

 

Just ask her questions about her, and comment on them. **Comment not insult.

 

What do you like to do for fun.

Where do you like to go.

Have you ever...

Do you ever...

[Sephirenn]

thanks a lot guys, I greatly appreciate what you've told me so far. Just one little addition to the question I guess. Other than me getting the confidence to ask her if I ever see her, the thing that kinda scares me is calling. I got her number when I was planning a surprise part, so I only have her number cause I was inviting her to the party... it's not like she really gave it to me. And that was the only time I talked to her on the phone, so wouldn't it be weird on her part to just get a call from me all of a sudden and ask her out? And how exactly would I go about that because I couldn't just start out the conversation by asking her. But then I'd ask her what's up and all and she's goign to think I just called to talk? you know? haha, maybe i'm just confusing myself.

 

So the other option is IM, but it just seems like asking someone out online is not exactly the best way to start things off, ya know? allright that's all, thanks again everyone.